The love of my life and best friend

by Margaret
(Boise, Idaho )


On January 9 2014 my husband Dennis passed away. He was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer in May 2013. He completed 6 rounds of Chemo and tolerated that had two more rounds of chemo and started to take a turn for the worse, then the pain, confusion started in. In order to help with the pain and shrink the tumors radiation was started. Hospice came to the house on January 8, and he passed the next morning at 8:26 am. I held him during the night and told him all was okay, we were okay. We were married for 36 years, and have 4 grown daughters and 3 grand daughters, the youngest born on Dec 22, 2014. One of the last pictures I have of him, is of him holding the new grand daughter. I miss him so terribly, the tears never stop. I feel cold all the time sleep comes around 2 am, I went back to my part time job last week. While at work I am some what better, but then I come home to an empty house. I am not in a support group yet, but should have that information this week.
A part of me is gone and I know my life will never be the same. My world was my husband and family. I have been told that time will help ease this unbearable pain, and the deafening silence of the house. I can't even think of Valentine's Day next week. We never had Valentine's day, but Valentine's week. I so wish I would dream about him, our daughters have, but I haven't. Why? just want to know he is okay, and hold him. At times I can't believe this has happened-it seems like a horrible dream that I can't awaken from. Our oldest daughter is in a nursing home and also on hospice care, as she is in the late stage of anorexia.

Comments for The love of my life and best friend

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Feb 08, 2014
So sorry for your loss
by: Debby

My husband also passed away on January 9, 2014. We would have been married 34 years this coming May l6th. His death was sudden and unexpected. You are right, the pain is unbearable, the empty house, just me a kitten he bought for "us" in November as an early Christmas gift. He named him Mugsy. All I can is that people keep telling me it will get better, but I don't see that happening, do you? I can feel your pain in your words and thru my own grief, I wish I could say something to make you feel better. But I don't know what to say except that you will be in my prayers along with all others who have lost a loved one. I wish you peace. Find comfort in some small thing. I watched it snow a few days ago, it was very serene and calming. But then I remembered that my husband wasn't here to shovel the walk, so I went outside at night and did it myself. At least I accomplished something. I don't think this is helpful to you at all. Let me just say.......we're in this together and you have my unending sympathy.

Feb 06, 2014
love and best friend
by: Anonymous--MI

Margaret--please know that I and all others who post on this site are very sad for you in the death of your dear husband. My husband died Nov 2012 from SCA--suddenly he was gone from our lives and hearts. I have two adult children (and their spouses ) and 4 wonderful grandchildren. They are now what I live for. My husband was also the only love and best friend of my life. Joy that I once knew has left me and I will not feel that happiness again until I reach heaven's gates where I will praise Jesus Christ, my savior and then I shall see my husband once again. Doreen is so right in her words of Jesus being our only way to hope for all eternity and happiness. I pray that you will turn to Jesus and trust Him for your future and for help on this road of grief that you have so sadly joined us. I wish you God's grace and mercy and His love as you take one day at a time.

Feb 06, 2014
The love of my life and best friend
by: Doreen UK

Margaret I am sorry for your loss of your husband Dennis to lung cancer. I understand what you are going through. You expressed all the same thoughts and feelings I went through. I lost my husband of 44yrs. to lung cancer 21 months ago. My husband had lung cancer caused by working with a deadly substance of asbestos in the workplace. I nursed him for over 3yrs. before he died. He suffered a lot of pain and discomfort. His suffering was great and affected my grief, and still does when memories come back. I don't know how long it will take to get these bad memories out of my system. I have had many dreams of my husband and still do. So does my daughter and niece. I have retired but wish I had a job to go to so that I could get out of the house and have a distraction from grief and life alone without my husband. Only in time will you be able to find solace in your job and find that this does work for you. But coming home to an empty house is so very difficult to bear. I hate the emptiness each day and night. I found that taking ONE DAY AT A TIME does help immensely. I wouldn't have gotten through these 21 months. Having a strong Faith and Spiritual belief also help me cope better. Knowing I will see my husband again one day helps me get through my day.
Having this belief allows me to understand what an American preacher David Jeremiah said about Heaven and Death. Our loved ones body died. But their Spirit is with God. The Spirit doesn't die so in essence our loved ones are still alive waiting for God to resurrect their body when Jesus comes back to earth and takes every believer to heaven to live and reign with Him. WE only die due to SIN of Adam and Eve. We find Eternal life in Christ who died for us to be saved. I accept Jesus' Death and sacrifice for me and wait on HIM to return to this earth and to redeem man who will be lost if He chooses to. Jesus has said in His Holy Word for those who Believe, to comfort other's with this Good News of Salvation. May God comfort you in your grief and give you His Peace.

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