The love of my life died and I don't know what to do

by Laurania
(New jersey )

I have been with my husband since September 9 1988 and we were married August 31 1991 we celebrated our twentieth wedding anniversary last august. My husband that I has bee with for 24 years passed away suddenly from cardiac arrest at 49 years old he was my best friend my liver and my soulmate we have two children my son is 20 and my daughter that's 12. How do I go on? I am in this numb state I have tries to stay busy but don't know how. I was his life and he was mine . We did everything together shopping laughing coaching breathing everything . In all my years it was never me and it was always us no I am left by myself with no identity . Everyone says stay strong for your children but how when I can't even handle myself . My friends and family have been here for me sine he passed thank god they have been very comforting to me but I still don't know how to pick up the pieces everything and everyone reminds me of him. It is so painful I just want to die but I know I have my kids. Anyone that can give. Me a glimmer of hope please let me know cause right now there is only despair no hope

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Apr 16, 2013
by: Anonymous

I'm Sorry.

Jan 24, 2013
I know how u feel
by: Anonymous

My husband was 45 when he suddenly pased away following a cardiac arrest. It has been 18 months since he passed. I am now passed the sickness that his loss caused, but now I am dealing with questions about what to do with my life.

Nov 30, 2012
Oh My God!
by: Anonymous

Oh my god.. I am just going through this now.. how do I manage this?

Nov 12, 2012
My Gorgeous man
by: Anonymous

I lost my partner of ten years within a few hours with a abdominal aortic anurysm, he was the love of my life.
He had been fine in the morning and when he was late returning from where he was going, I stated calling the mobile only for it to be answered by the ambulance service to say that his back had seized up. My daughter and son in law collected me because I am disabled and we rushed to the hospital,
I saw him briefly, was told that he was very ill and was going for A cat scan, about 20 mins after that the nurse in charge came in and closed the door and said that he was bleeding internally and we should go and see him and say what we needed to say to him as they were taking him for thoracic surgery at St Thomas's in London. I just stroked his hair cuddled him and told him how much I loved him. He died of a cardiac arrest during surgery a few hours later.
I miss him so much, no words can describe it feels better for a few hours and then the realization hits you over again, his space in our bed remains empty and I think after two months today the realization of what has happened has hit me again.
I just get through day to day, I sob into his pillow every night, I text his phone, I talk to him all the time. I have read all the messages on here and my heart goes out to you all. I know there will never be anyone else that could replace him in my life, and I have dedicated it now to our children and grandchildren.

Jul 06, 2012
Love of my Life
by: Pat J.

It was one year for me on June 27th, that my husband of 46 years, died from a massive heart attack. It would have been our 47th anniversary on the 26th of June. Yes, he died the day after our 46th anniversary.
Red(his nickname) was the love of my life. He was my life. I started dating him at 15. We did everything together. My adult children tell me, I lived my life for him, now I need to live my life for me. After 46 years, that isn't easy. Each day is a challenge.
After 1 year, I still miss him as much today, as a year ago. The tears have lessened, but they still appear. This ache in our heart will never go away. We just learn to live our new life. I love my husband as much today in death, as when he was living, I will always be his wife. I cannot imagine ever having another relationship. He was my husband, my lover and my best friend. A part of me died with him. I know everyone on this site feels the same. We do learn to go on.
Be grateful for the support system you have. I have a great support system also. My adult children, would ask me how I was doing, I would tell them I was fine. After reading more on grief, I started telling them my feelings. You will be amazed how they react. They are hurting too. Cry together, talk about their dad with them. You will shed tears, but there will also be laughter sharing memories. One of my daughters told me memories of her dad bring more smiles than tears. She told me she feels closest to him, working in her yard and feeding the birds. My husband so enjoyed doing those things. She told me before they closed his casket she gave him a hug and a kiss. She said he was cold and hard, that was not her dad, it was just his body, because her dad was not a hard and cold person. I was so grateful she shared that with me.
Keep your husbands memory alive. Talk to your children about their dad. They are spiritually always with us. Watch for signs from them, because we do get them.
God Bless each one of us on our journey with grief. Ther isn't a time limit on grief. It is our grief, grieve as long as we need to.

Jul 06, 2012
take it one day and one breath
by: Carroll

I hear and understand what you are going through. I lost my best friend husband of 17 years nearly 3 mo ago now. I loved him most dearly...and he loved me and did not want to go. Stage 4 pancreatic cancer was the diagnosis. He died because the testing compromised his kidneys and he went on a ventilator too. I cry every day too. Deep breaths in and out and tell my self from the serenity prayer..."Living each day and enjoying each moment". I miss him soooo much...the house is so empty wuithout him. I pray to GOD to send his angels to wrap their wings around me and help me feel safe and loved like Tony made me feel. I hope this helps are not alone.

Jul 06, 2012
The love of my life died and I don't know what to do
by: Doreen England

Laurania I am sorry for the loss of your dear husband of 24yrs. You are numb. this is the first stage. Like being frozen. When the numbness goes it is as if you are thawing out, and then the severe pain comes. It is called Grief and we all go through it. I was married for 44 years. I lost my husband 8 weeks ago and I am sad and crying a lot. How do you go on you ask? One day at a time. don't become so busy that you don't allow yourself to feel the grief otherwise you just postpone this for later and it will feel worse. We have to feel the pain in order for the healing to take place and this will take as long as one needs. Different for everyone. Don't listen to people saying. Be strong for your children. You have to take care of yourself and your grief. Your children just need to know that you are there for them and understand that you are trying your best to cope. It things get difficult go and see a bereavement counsellor. They will allow you the space to express your pain and grief. It is in expressing this that gets it out of your system and allows healing to take place. But this is a slow process. I am so happy that you have good support from your family. This is so important. You will heal better with good support. I feel this is the worst pain and suffering I could go through. Pain oozes out of every part of you and it is unbearable. Even accepting what has happened to us does not minimize our pain. We still feel it. As wives our identity is wrapped up in our families as we care for them. What I felt after my husband STeve died was. WHAT DO I DO WITH ME.
My world was wrapped up in him and the childen and that is how women live. they live for their families and wouldn't have it any other way. Until they have the rug pulled out from under them and they experience a death. It is a hard place to be. I hope the days ahead will find you in a quieter and more bearable place with your grief. A place of calm and reasurrance That you and me and everyone else will get through it. One day at a time. We will recover our strength. Our Hope. Our Identity. Our self-esteem. Our Life.

Jul 06, 2012
Me Too
by: Anonymous

I lost my wife just last March. Mornings are worse but with everyday I am beginning to reconcile myself. I let myself grieve even though friends and famiy told me to let go and move on. That is impossible. I sometimes just stay in my bedroom and embrace the pain and loss. Believe me death seems inviting because I based my existence around my wife. We were together constantly for the last few years because of her illness. She was my rock and my reason. All I can tell you is that some days now after embracing grief I will get a glimpse of the joy of life. It is as though the light is beginning to peek through. Since her passing our business has greatly improved. A friend told me her light was shining on me. I choose to believe that and that she will always be with me and bring me back from the depths of despair. I hope that you will allow yourself to embrace the pain because as they say when you reach bottom the only way to go is up. God Bless you.

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