The Love of my life.
by Deborah Boss
3 Years ago last month, I lost the love of my life. We met in Florida in 1975. I was 23 and he was just a few months younger. I was bartending at the Royal Crown in St. Petersburg, FL and he was a bouncer and a recent graduate of Dennison College. 6'4", handsome and one of the nicest guys I had ever met. Unfortunately, I was married to a sax player at the time, so we were just friends. There was a definite connection between us, but he was too nice of a guy to hit on me and I was faithful to my husband. We had long talks at work and he would give me rides home when I needed them. We shared a very magic kiss at midnight one New Years Eve. I will never forget that kiss. He soon later decided to move to Vail, Colorado to ski and live with his best friend from high school. Fast forward 25 years later. I had divorced and he had married and divorced. Neither one of us had any children and both were animal lovers. One night I wondered what ever had happened to him (Jeff). I got online and did a people search and found him in Eagle, CO. I picked up the phone and heard his voice on the recorder. Thinking he probably was married with a few grown kids by now, I left a message and hung up. 3 days later, my phone rings and it was Jeff. I could not believe that he not only remembered me, but admitted that he too felt our connection. He had been out of town and just got my message and immediately called me back. 3 days later he flew to Ohio where I was now living. We spent 3 wonderful days together reconnecting on a much deeper level. A year and a half passed with us on the phone to each other every night. He called faithfully at 9 my time, 7 his. We would talk for at least an hour. His phone bill must have been crazy high. Many trips back and forth from Ohio to Colorado, taking turns. One summer he even drove out. Obviously, we were in love and there was no turning back. I realized that he was the man I had been waiting for all those years. One of us had to move. We both considered moving. I had a great job and a nice home, he had a great job for 20 years and a cabin in the woods on 7 acres. Finally, I made the decision to move to Colorado. Nothing was more important than being with him. I had a dog and 5 cats - he had a dog and a cat. We merged our families in 04 and were married in 05. I was never happier. We were truly a match made in heaven and I'd never been so in love. Still one of the greatest men I'd ever known.
In March of 2008, Jeff begin to have pains in his stomach. Not one to run to the doctor or complain, he put it off until I insisted. Long story short, he was diagnosed with Pancreatic Cancer. I was his caregiver for the last 6 months of his life as he lay dying in our living room with the help of Hospice. He passed away in my arms Sept 19th, 2009.
It's been 3 years. I'm having the hardest time going on with my life. I sold the cabin, moved to AZ, bought a house and since have lost 4 of our dear pets. I have tried dating and nobody compares to him. I find myself heartsick most of the time.
I work, I come home, sometimes I drink too much, I try to go out with friends, but life has just never been the same. I miss him every day. I can't let go of what we had. Not that I want to. It was special. It was pure. It was real. Nothing seems real to me anymore and I can't seem to move past this.
I am 59 years old now. Dating seems like a waste of time. I have no desire for sex, but would love to meet someone to laugh with, to hold my hand, love me like Jeff loved me. I would give anything to have him back for just one more day.