The love of my life
by Lynne Belcastro
(Howard, Pa, USA)
1st loves are always hard to get over. But when they pass away, I wonder if you ever do get over the hurt.
My goodness, where to begin. I lost my boyfriend 4 years ago. We met in a chat room, and just began from there. We both had bad luck in finding someone to care for and just connected right from the start. We would have what we called computer dates, meaning we would IM each other on the internet and pretend to have a date together. I was living in PA and he was living in Florida.. So that went on for a while. After 3 months we began to talk on the phone and then decided to meet each other. So I bought a ticket to FL and it was the 1st time I ever flew.
The moment we set eyes on each other the connection just got stronger. When I got off the plane I met his mom, sister, and his sister's friend. When traveling back to their house, his mom was asking me questions and he and I just looked at each other once in awhile through the corner of our eyes. We finally got to his house and I put my stuff down into the room I was going to stay in and then I found him in his room sitting on his bed, and told me to come and sit next to him. I sat in his chair instead... ha ha. I guess he and I could not believe the other was sitting there in front of them. So finally we went out to the swing in the back yard, and he sat down and I sat next to him. And he told me to put my head on his shoulder because he knew I was tired from the flying. Not 1 minute he touched my chin brought me to him and he kissed me for the 1st time. From then on I was totally in love with him.
We were together for 5 years, he took me to the Magic Kingdom for my b-day and he loved the fact that I was amazed. To me that was the world, he gave me the world for my b-day. I never knew what the expression meant unitl it happened to me. We had more wonderful and bad times between that moment and our 1st. But we never felt more love with each other. On April 4, 2005, I got a call telling to sit down. I was told that early that morning he passed away in his sleep. I cried until I could not shed a tear. I could not believe he was gone. I had a lot of people telling me, well you need to get on with your life, that's what he would want. These were people that never met him or knew him. And I felt at the time I'd do anything to make them go away.
I thought the pain would never go away. And the pain is still there but not as bad. I was numb for over 3 years, no one would let me talk about him, or cry about him, anything. But through the help of some very special friends, I began to heal. And now I help myself get through the day by writing in a journal, or writing poems. And I hope to publish a book with these poems to show people that it does get better, you will eventually not feel that pain. In my opinion you will always feel pain, when that person touched your heart in so many ways. I miss my boyfriend every day, I wish I could hear his voice only one more time.. His voice always had a way to comfort me. He was also my best friend, and I could see myself spending the rest of my life with him... I know he watches over me, I know he still loves me. And I know one day he will bring me a guy that will treat me the way he knows I deserve to be treated...
