The Love of My Life

by Shari
(Clermont, FL)

Just one month ago, I lost the love of my life from a sudden illness. We were married 30 years in October. We met when I was just 15 years old and married 6 years later.

I wake up every morning looking for him. When I come home from work I expect him to be there. I don't know how I can go on without him. I miss him so much. He was my soul mate. We had such a good life together and thought we would grow old together. We had so many plans for the future.

I feel like my heart has been torn out of my chest. I feel numb. I'm just going through the motions of getting up in the morning and going to work. The nights and weekends are the worse. I sleep on the couch with the TV and lights on. I started going this week to a grief counselor. It helped for the moment just to talk to someone besides family.

This is so hard. Will I ever feel better?

Comments for The Love of My Life

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Feb 08, 2012
Here again
by: Anonymous

I feel your saddness and emptyness . All you want is to have your life back the way it used to be. I lost my husband when I was 37 and had 4 children. I dont know how I survived it but after a year I married a widdower , he had 4 children. We had a wonderful family,the first year all we talked about was our loss. This was the best therapy. Then my daughter of 49 died of cancer. I dont know how I ever got over this and I still miss her every day. In June last year my husband of 37 years died and I am lost. I just dont want to be here anymore, but then I think about my children and keep on going. Do like me, hang in there and there will be a better time. Good luck

Feb 06, 2012

Shari, You are living the life I was living one year ago.
I met my husband in high school ages 16 and 17, we were married at 22/23. We moved from our parents homes to our own house when we got married, We were married for 31 years when he was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. He lived one month from diagnosis. We had no children. We just had lots of dreams for what we would do when we retired.
Lots of dreams that will never come to be.
The best advice I can offer is to grieve at your own pace. I am fortunate to have a few long time girlfriends who will listen when I want to talk, not pass judgement and cry with me. My husband and I both had younger sisters that never married and lived nearby so we spend a lot of time together to have meals or socialize. My nephew and his wife live in the next town over with their children aged 5 and 2. These kids have brought so much joy to my life in the past 14 months.
You definitely need time for yourself and to do things at your pace, but if you have a good friend or relative that can support you on your terms allow them to do that for you. Most people feel uncomfortable around widows, so you don't need those people, you just need one or two that you can depend on. Hugs and Blessings to you as you travel this road.It is a slow journey but 14 months out I realize it does get better.xoxo

Feb 05, 2012
The love of my life
by: Shari

Thank you all for your kind words. Today I went to the cemetary to visit him. It makes it so real to the stone with his name on it. I miss him so much. I keep on looking for some kind of sign that he is ok. Today I saw a light flicker. Last night my dog stared into space all night, I think he was there. We have two dogs (my husband called him his boys). Right now they are one of the reasons why I live. He loved them so much, We were never able to have children. I can hear him say, "did you give water to the boys". Thanks again for your kind words. It helps writing down my feelings,

Feb 04, 2012
The love of your life
by: M Mack


I am so sorry for your loss and know what a painful time of grief you are entering. At only one month, you're still in the numb stage. I barely remember that time in my grief but I can tell you I did not change, move, or clean anything that had to do with my love. His things around the house were like a shrine and I was in his world at all times. Everywhere I turned, I had memories of our life and love. My heart goes out to you and I feel your pain. This is the hardest thing I have ever had to do. I know your heart is shattered, the loneliness you suffer. Read through this site. There are many that have been where you are today and you are not alone. Write to him, to all of us and share your heartache with those around who are not uncomfortable listening. Counseling is helpful and many books on grief can be enlightening. I pray for you to find strength and comfort along this road. Hang in there and remember to take it one breath, one step, one day at a time.

Feb 04, 2012
Soulmates Are Forever
by: Anonymous

I am so sorry for your loss. I know exactly how you feel. I lost my husband 14 months ago. When the doctor came out of the ICU and said, "I'm sorry, there is nothing more we can do," it was the worst day of my life. Nothing in this life ever prepared me for the loss of my husband. We were married for 37 years. I was 19 when we met. He was all I know of this life. I moved out of my parents home and in with him.
For months I drifted from day to day not really feeling much of anything.
I can tell you Shari~it will get better. It'll never be the same again. I made the huge mistake of trying so hard to cling on to the past and was so stubborn about it. It's hard to let go. I hung on with both hands. My days were consumed with thoughts of my husband. My night were spent crying myself to sleep and waking after 3 - 4 hours looking for my husband.
I've had to accept his death as God's will. I know he is still here with me. I feel him sometimes. He would want me to be happy.
Your husband would want you to be happy. Hard to imagine.....being happy without them. I wouldn't say I'm jumping up and clicking my heels together with joy.....but I am making progress. This is the hardest thing I've ever done.
We are all here for you. Come and vent whenever you need to. Nobody judges here. We are all grieving.
God bless. Hope you find something to smile about soon.

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