the man who has my heart.

by Bunny O.
(Kansas City,MO)

I lost my live in boyfriend of 2 years, 4 days ago suddenly. we were having problems but were working through them like we always have before. i went to a friends for the night and he was at home. i came home the next day i found him, he looked like he was sleeping but he never laid that way so i went over to give him a kiss and he wasn't breathing. i tried to do cpr but it was to late. i feel like this isn't real like i'm going to wake up and he will be here with me and our kitties in our small apartment laying there talking for hours. i don't think it will hit me till Sunday when i have to clean out our apartment and move out. without him i was nothing but half of myself ,with him i was whole. the one thing i have left is our pets but i have no where to go that will let me keep them. they miss their daddy they know somethings wrong :'( i'm scared that this hasn't hit me yet i'm scared i wont be happy ever again. i'm scared of when i'm not thinking and i try to call him about something funny i seen or did and he wont be there to answer...he was the greatest man ever to have been in my life. i just need to know it will all be ok but it wont be ok never will be. thank you for listening i'm sorry its so long and bad grammar.

Comments for the man who has my heart.

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Jun 08, 2014
the love of my life
by: suzie

Bunny I feel your pain...I too have suddenly 3 days ago lost my fiance....we had argued ..he left and stayed away for 2 he often did after an argument..I came home from work to find him collapsed on the heart is breaking ..I am numb with shock..I have been here before when I lost my beautiful little daughter suddenly....I know slowly time does heal ...but my partner was only 55 ..i am 64 and .. for me there can be no other ..but you are young ...and one day love will find you again ..stay strong treasure your memories ....

May 31, 2014
prayer is the answer
by: Anonymous

girl! i know!, I'm here to tell you that forget what they say,i believe that pain stays with you 4ever
prayer is the only answer.
I still talk to my loved one as if he is still here,it helps me tremendously.

May 31, 2014
Sympathy and hope.
by: Lawrence

I can only repeat what our lovely Doreen has said.
What a terrible tragedy to happen so early in your life and there are no words to ease your grief.
It WILL be OK for you in time but you must do what nature demands when you have had such a catastrophic shock and that is to cry and cry as I’m sure you are doing already
A body needs a way of easing the absolute agony you are going through so you must do what we all did at our own overwhelming loss which was to CRY.
It is nearly eighteen months since my precious wife died and a day doesn’t pass without me shedding a tear or two, I guess I will never stop crying for her, I miss her so.
You have your whole life ahead of you, and will probably never feel as scared and abandoned as you do now, but as the weeks and months pass by the tears will gradually slow down and you will take your first steps towards normality.
All of us on this web site are grieving with you.
Get help where you can, doctor, counselor, family and friends but don’t suffer alone
With Sympathy

May 31, 2014
the man who has my heart
by: Doreen UK

Bunny I am so sorry for your loss of your boyfriend to a sudden death.
This must have been a shock and you are probably still in shock as this is a factor of a sudden death. You may go numb and not be able to feel the full raw grief yet. Don't fear this pain even if it is unbearable. It will soon pass with each day till you find yourself being able to cope with what has happened. if you are struggling with grief, then please go and see a grief counsellor for support and guidance in what you need to do to take care of yourself. You are so young and this is a terrible loss so early in your life.
Please get good family support and from friends who will help you get through one of the worst losses one can face.
It will take days to months to start to be able to process your loss and be able to feel able to go on each day. This is normal. Best way forward is TAKING ONE DAY AT A TIME. You may be able to put the cats in the RSPCA to be cared for till you can either take them back or have them go to loving homes.
It is normal to be scared about ever being happy again, and if you will be O.K.
When I first heard my husband had terminal cancer I screamed and cried as I saw my whole future rush before me about to lose my husband of 44yrs. my first thought was "How will I cope." "How will I live without him." "How do I survive." I also thought about who will take me shopping since I don't have a car or drive. I was so used to not thinking of myself and putting the needs of my family first as a wife/mother would do. Suddenly I was forced to think of ME and what I was going to do with my life.
My husband died of his cancer 2yrs. ago and I still feel numb. The first 6 month after he died I couldn't function and couldn't get off the couch. I then started to heal and life changed. I still have bad days when the loneliness bites into me and I can't re-structure my day. I am 66yrs of age and it is more difficult for me to start making changes to my life.
You are Young. You have your whole life in front of you. Seek support from a grief counsellor or your family for support to help you move forward. Counselling will help you put your fears in the right perspective of grieving so that it does not take over your life and stop you living and making a good life for yourself. The sadness is that we will keep losing people from our lives and we will always be hurt by this part of our life. But it is possible for you to get your life back and be happy again. It will just take TIME.

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