~The Month of June Billy gone ~ My Mother too?
by Patricia
Mom Christmas 2008
June 27th ~ My mother goes into the hospital. Confusion and disoriented we thought it was Blood Pressure medications and the last Spinal Angie-gram showed everything OK. Problem is in recovery she became disoriented and confused again and then coded. They thought a stroke or heart-attack. They moved her to ICU/Neuro unit to be watched and when I finally got to see her it didn't look good. It could have been worst but as I walked up and down the halls all I could think of was Billy. The last time I was in the hospital was with him. It took all the self control to not break down and go crazy. What hurts most is I have no one to talk too. I have issues with my brothers but I will say my brother who lives here in Las Vegas and my sister-in-law are finally talking to me because of my mother. It was there issues and it wasn't to me. All I can think of is I miss Billy so much. He would be the one I run to talk too. My friend, my confidant, someone I could say anything too. I've discovered my Nascar Friends are 'FRIENDS'. I know I've only known them for a short period of time and I shouldn't expect anything more. Why would they? They've only known me for maybe 4 months. Problem is if something happens to my mother I will be truly alone. So I've come here. I just didn't know where to turn too. I know I can say anything here. Billy would know what to do. It make's his lost so much more painful. I've lost Billy and if I lose my mother? My father passed away 10 years ago. 4 Months before Billy's mother passes away. Another reason I'm sure we were brought together. We fit like a hand and a glove. Now my hands are cold and seem never to get warm holding the broken pieces of my heart I stand with tears in my eyes lost and confused. A world of uncertainty leading me to who knows where? Always, 1 step, 1 breath at a time ~ 1 year
|
|
