~The Month of June Billy gone ~ My Mother too?

by Patricia
(Las Vegas)

Mom Christmas 2008

Mom Christmas 2008

June 21st ~ 1 year. I survived to some extent.
June 27th ~ My mother goes into the hospital. Confusion and disoriented we thought it was Blood Pressure medications and the last Spinal Angie-gram showed everything OK.
Problem is in recovery she became disoriented and confused again and then coded. They thought a stroke or heart-attack. They moved her to ICU/Neuro unit to be watched and when I finally got to see her it didn't look good. It could have been worst but as I walked up and down the halls all I could think of was Billy. The last time I was in the hospital was with him. It took all the self control to not break down and go crazy.
What hurts most is I have no one to talk too. I have issues with my brothers but I will say my brother who lives here in Las Vegas and my sister-in-law are finally talking to me because of my mother. It was there issues and it wasn't to me.
All I can think of is I miss Billy so much. He would be the one I run to talk too. My friend, my confidant, someone I could say anything too. I've discovered my Nascar Friends are 'FRIENDS'. I know I've only known them for a short period of time and I shouldn't expect anything more. Why would they? They've only known me for maybe 4 months. Problem is if something happens to my mother I will be truly alone. So I've come here. I just didn't know where to turn too. I know I can say anything here. Billy would know what to do. It make's his lost so much more painful.
I've lost Billy and if I lose my mother? My father passed away 10 years ago. 4 Months before Billy's mother passes away. Another reason I'm sure we were brought together.
We fit like a hand and a glove. Now my hands are cold and seem never to get warm holding the broken pieces of my heart I stand with tears in my eyes lost and confused.
A world of uncertainty leading me to who knows where?
1 step, 1 breath at a time ~ 1 year

Comments for ~The Month of June Billy gone ~ My Mother too?

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Jun 30, 2011
Aunt Joan
by: Shirley

I'm sorry cousin. I love your mom too. I'll pray she does well and gets out of that darn hospital ASAP. Sending hugs to you.

Jun 30, 2011
Prayers for Mom
by: TrishJ

My heart goes out to you Patricia. Without our loves in our lives everything seems so much worse. I could do anything with Joe by my side.
I'll say some prayers for your mom. God knows what he's doing although we don't always agree with him.
I got a call last evening that my favorite cousin Michael passed away on Wednesday. He battled parkinson's disease for the past 10 years. I know he too is finally at peace but I just can't deal with this right now. I loved him so much. His wife and boys are devastated. He just turned 58. I don't know if I can even attend his funeral. It's too soon for me. I won't make it through without completely going to pieces. I have to go. His entire family was so supportive of me when Joe died.
God doesn't give us more than we are able to handle~right? That's what I keep telling myself as I pray for strength. I'll pray for you too.

Jun 30, 2011
Feeling Alone
by: Colleen

Your story sounds similar to mine. I too don't really speak to my family. I have not spoken to my one brother since Bruce's funeral.I am watching my mother in law die a little every day she will be 90 this month a her will to live died with Bruce, when she goes I will be alone. All I can tell you is that I have gone onto anti depressants and am seeing a councilor. I feel totally drained after the session but I do feel better as I can say what I feel without being judged. The thought of being on your own is so overwhelming I try not to think about it as it takes me into a downward spiral. I pray that you can find some peace on this long journey we are forced to take.

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