The most amazing human being i have ever known ......
October 20 2012, I woke up and saw missed calls from my mum in scotland... As i got up my sister called me and told me that my dad had died earlier that morning. I remember that pain that came into my heart it is still there today... My dad was the love of my life.
At the beginning of my life he was alcoholic and managed to get into Alcoholics anonymous. It was his 35th year od sobriety AA anniversary yesterday and that day hurt more than xmas. Knowing what he battled and became one of the most amazing men i have ever known. Yesterday was a special day for me because i too have 7 years in sobriety. Whenever i needed to talk it was him that i went to with my innermost thoughts and he always gave me sound advice. I miss him so much. I get along ok then a day like today i just loose it and fall apart and dont know what to do apart from let it all out. There was nothing left between me and my dad, he know i loved him and i knew he loved me we were at peace with each other which is a wonderful thing and i am so grateful.
My dad fought most of his life with heart problems, he had rhumatic fever when he was young and got a heart problem from that. So his health was never that great. He was on alot of medication but my mum who is a nurse managed him and he lead a great life considering he had stokes and open heart surgeries. There were so many ocassions we thought he was going to die but he pulled right through and got up and dusted himself down and got back on the horse.
a week before he died he was going on holiday with my mum to the highlands. He went out to the car had a fall and broke his hip. We honestly thought he would be out of hospital in no time. But complications set in and in the end his kidneys failed and mum said he passed peacefully holding each other.
I couldnt make the funeral in scotland because i live in new jersey and couldnt afford to go home to scotland. I know in my heart that the person i would have seen wouldnt have been my dad. I believe i am part of him and he is here with me. If i am ever half the human being my father was i will be truly blessed. I just cant believe hes gone. He was a hippie and i still laugh about being a love child of the 60;s. My life will never be the same, the pain i feel i have calmed it down, but its still there a feeling of emptiness and loss. Now i am so worries about my mum, they were married for 51 years. I just feel so sad today. thanks for listening x xx x ruth