The most amazing man I've ever known

by Carissa
(New York, USA)

My father passed away suddenly on Tuesday, October 9th, 2012.

My father and I had a great conversation on October 7th. He sounded somewhat winded and tired, but I didn't think to say anything. He sent out a text message On October 8th, letting us know that my grandmother no longer had cancer. I could tell that he was so happy to hear this news. My aunt and grandma talked to him that evening and said he sounded fine.

I can't even describe the pain I felt when my uncle called to tell me what happened. My dad led a very stressful life - the company he worked for wasn't getting enough work for 5-day weeks sometimes; he was in a lot of debt, but on the surface he didn't mind; and while he was not attending to these things, he took care of my mentally ill mother.

Somehow, despite it all, he was always there for my brother and for me. No matter what. Every award ceremony, every graduation, every music festival, every school dance, every concert...everything. There wasn't even a question. He even took me shopping for a prom dress and talked to me about boys when my mother wasn't able to do it. I could call him with any problem and no matter how silly it was, he would simply tell me the solution and everything would be fine again. I now find myself turning inwardly for these answers. I am so thankful to have had his guidance for 25 years. I just wish there could be 30 more. He truly was my best friend, and I am so upset that our time was cut short.

When I let the grief sink in I feel such a deep sense of anxiety and horror. I also feel so sad for the life my dad led because, although I tried to help, he was too proud to let me in and always acted like everything was okay. He never let out any negative emotions. He simply had different priorities than the rest of the world. He spent so much time and energy taking care of the people around him that he forgot himself.

I could go on and on, but I won't. I will leave off by saying that I will miss my father every single day, and I hope to pay forward (even a fraction of) the wonderful kindnesses he showed to me.

All the love in my heart,
Carissa / Crekkie / Skip / Bub / Bubba / Bobbalouie / Pi-Oui

Comments for The most amazing man I've ever known

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Dec 11, 2012
With Great Respect to your father
by: Doreen U.K.

Dear Anonymous I was surprised to read your post about your father dying of MESOTHELIOMA. You are the first person I have heard of on this site who has a loved one with the same disease as my husband Steve, who died 7 months ago of this dreaded disease. My husband died over a period of 3yrs.39days. The effects and devastation of this disease is unbearable to live with. It affects the whole family. Some people die very quickly from this disease. If your mum is alive she will be going through the most immense suffering as I did. It is labour intensive care due to the scale of this incurable, inoperable type of cancer. If you or your mom want to share further my email is

Dec 10, 2012
With great respect to your father
by: Anonymous

Carissa, I am so sorry for your loss. My father is dying of methoselioma so like the comment above an industrial disease caused by asbestos. The only good thing to have come out of this is the feeling that my father is inside me, that I can see the world through is eyes, and that I cna carry on a conversation with the man, with that firm sense of right and wrong that he inculcated in me.

Good people like your father do not die, because people want to remember them. Every day lived by you and your family is another day of giving the world the wonders of your father.

Dec 04, 2012
The most amazing man I've ever known
by: Doreen U.K.

Carissa I am sorry for your loss of your father to a sudden death. It is the worst pain ever to lose a father, but when the father is so nurturing it is even more painful. You will have this sadness for some time.
I lost my 3 Adult Children's father 7 months ago to lung cancer. It was the worst cancer and he died slowly over 3yrs. My husband was like you describe your dad. A hard worker and put the needs of his family uppermost in his mind and provided well for everyone. He got an Industrial Injury disease from working with asbestos. A life cut short by chemicals in the environment. He never go to enjoy his home he built up over his lifetime. It is such a cruel death and loss for us as a family.
Men have to wear so many hats being everything for their families and it is sad when the good die so quickly and suddenly. Dedicated men who solider on and die with dignity.
I hope life will improve for you in the days ahead as you face your grief till you are able to heal from your loss.

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