The most amazing man I've ever known
(New York, USA)
My father passed away suddenly on Tuesday, October 9th, 2012.
My father and I had a great conversation on October 7th. He sounded somewhat winded and tired, but I didn't think to say anything. He sent out a text message On October 8th, letting us know that my grandmother no longer had cancer. I could tell that he was so happy to hear this news. My aunt and grandma talked to him that evening and said he sounded fine.
I can't even describe the pain I felt when my uncle called to tell me what happened. My dad led a very stressful life - the company he worked for wasn't getting enough work for 5-day weeks sometimes; he was in a lot of debt, but on the surface he didn't mind; and while he was not attending to these things, he took care of my mentally ill mother.
Somehow, despite it all, he was always there for my brother and for me. No matter what. Every award ceremony, every graduation, every music festival, every school dance, every concert...everything. There wasn't even a question. He even took me shopping for a prom dress and talked to me about boys when my mother wasn't able to do it. I could call him with any problem and no matter how silly it was, he would simply tell me the solution and everything would be fine again. I now find myself turning inwardly for these answers. I am so thankful to have had his guidance for 25 years. I just wish there could be 30 more. He truly was my best friend, and I am so upset that our time was cut short.
When I let the grief sink in I feel such a deep sense of anxiety and horror. I also feel so sad for the life my dad led because, although I tried to help, he was too proud to let me in and always acted like everything was okay. He never let out any negative emotions. He simply had different priorities than the rest of the world. He spent so much time and energy taking care of the people around him that he forgot himself.
I could go on and on, but I won't. I will leave off by saying that I will miss my father every single day, and I hope to pay forward (even a fraction of) the wonderful kindnesses he showed to me.
All the love in my heart,
Carissa / Crekkie / Skip / Bub / Bubba / Bobbalouie / Pi-Oui