The most beautiful man to walk the earth, my big brother

I am 24 years old, My brother died march 29th 2014. He was murdered in his home. A little bit about my life, My big brother was the oldest of 7 children, all from the same parents- my parents are divorced since 2012 but the 7 of us kids have always stuck together, lived close, (except my oldest brother) and we have always been linked to an unbreakable chain. My brother could play the guitar like you wouldn't believe. Most people in this town say he's the best they've heard, he couldn't read music but he could listen to a song and play it while he was still listening to it. He sang too- His fingers would just dance along the strings of the guitar like that's why God gave him fingers. He was a hippie, haha- always smiling always making you feel good about yourself- I try to think back and not once have I ever heard him say 1 bad thing about 1 person, not once. He always had energy always bouncin around and always had a guitar, and my huge family would make him center of attention because he didn't live in the same town as the rest of us so when he would come home for christmas or a holiday he would perform for us all, that was the best part of my holidays, and I will never hear his music again. My big brother was like a girl, very emotional, very intuitive, and sooo full of life it was insane! haha- anytime he called me he would say "oh livin life to the fullest sis!" I was like "who does that" haha- A quote to sum my brother up is "Forget not, that the earth delight's to feel your barefeet, And the winds long to play with your hair" He loved his brothers and sisters. We were his life, he called almost everyday, ALL OF US and he always wanted to just talk. I regret not talking more. My mom doesn't exsist since this happened. My dad is our rock. We don't know the full story of why this happened but money is a part of it- He lived in a bad neighborhood. I guess my biggest issue is the chain that all 7 of us kids had is broken, somethings missing, somethings gone, and i feel an emptiness that eats at me every single day of my life, and there is no justice as of right now, there is a murderer living his life, his pathetic, useless, life. While my brother is buried in the dirt. He can't breathe air like i do, he can't have a tomorrow, I can't hug him or kiss him or tell him that i love him and im sorry i didn't talk to you on the phone longer im sorry i never came to visit you im sorry im not happy like you were or carefree like you were im sorry this happened im sorry im sorry!!! I just want my brother back. And he is never coming back. So how do you people do it? How do you live everyday with a huge black hole in your heart and bitterness and anger and frustration and aching how do you do it.

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Jun 26, 2014
by: Dolores

Hi! I lost my brother to an illness 7 months ago and for the first 5 months can only assume I was in a bubble as I carried out normal life as if nothing had happened. The reality only hit 2 weeks ago so the grief is very raw and fresh as if it had just happened. As much as it hurts and feels unbearable right now there will be days when it won't hurt as much. I was terrified and could see no light at the end of the tunnel but now I can. You will be able to do this. I've been writing a little note each day and then when I look back I can see that one day I was in utter despair and 2 days later I had a good day. Think the strangest thing is that your emotions change so rapidly that it is all too confusing, frightening and it feels like there is no escape. Just remember that you are not alone and to always have hope. Thinking of you

Jun 25, 2014
The most beautiful man t walk the earth, my big brother
by: Doreen UK

I am sorry for your loss of your oldest brother to a senseless murder. Life is so very cruel to rob you of your brother.
I lost my husband of 44yrs. to cancer 2yrs. ago. One of the aspects of grief is to be angry and to want to lash out and want justice. It hurts so much and you can't get rid of the pain. It eats you up and tears you down and knocks you sideways and you wish it would go away. None of us knew what the pain of grief felt like till we had to go through it. You wonder how we do it? get through this grief. ONE DAY AT A TIME and, We all struggle still months and years later. Perhaps a grief counsellor can help you work through the pain and loss. To lose a sibling is one of the worst experiences you will go through. I have 5 siblings and would not cope if I lost one of them. Close knit bonded families hurt deeper. For me. I reached out to God and begged him to carry me through this sorrow. I could not function for 6 months. I thought I would die of grief. I couldn't pick myself up. I had to let God do this in time.

Jun 24, 2014
Re: Your brother
by: Stacie T

I lost my son on 6/6/14 in an automobile accident. When you ask, " how do you do it?" I don't. I am hardly existing since I lost my son. He was 22 and has a baby due in November. I will never again hear his voice, see his smile, nor will I see the love in his eyes as he holds his daughter for the first time. My daughter and son were very close- they were best friends. She is having a hard time like you are- but she is angry. Talk to your other brothers and sisters- keep the chain linked together. It is the best thing you can do for yourself and your siblings. I cannot take it one day at a time- right now I am living minute to minute. I will never be whole again because part of me died with my son. My prayers are with you and your family.

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