The Most Important Person in My Life

by Tricia

A few things so this makes sense. I am a teenage girl. Since I was 10, me and my dad have not gotten along. We have slowly come to the point of not talking or looking at each other. My mom left when I was young. And my grandma has always been my mother figure; she helped raise me.

November 28, 2013, Thanksgiving day, my whole world came to a stop. My grandma had called me after a while of not talking, because my dad would not let me talk to her. We had got to talking, and she told me she was sick again. Now, she had been diagnosed with kidney disease in the summer of 2012. She had just had a stomach bacteria that caused her to puke frequently and not keep anything down. So I had known for a while she wasn't doing great. She had a major heart attack several years ago, and she used to smoke. Well, my response to her being sick was "Gosh gram." She replied saying no, it's bad this time. I was like what do you mean? What's wrong? She said, I have cancer. I broke down and repeatedly said no. She was only 71. She was still young for today's standards, too young to die. So she told me it was liver cancer and the doctors may have found a spot on the lung. We talked a bit more, her begging me not to worry. But she has been the only one there for me, the only one on my side. When I got in trouble, for petty things, she was always on my team. She was the only one. I figured I would have longer with her. I figured God would grant her wish of seeing me graduate high school, and hopefully get married. I figured the good Lord would make her so happy as to see me grow up even more. I'm currently a freshman in high school, and 15 years old. In my opinion, too young to have to deal with the loss of the most important person in my life.

So, one week later, My grandma was staying with my uncle since she was too weak and sick to be by herself. So I called him a couple of times, to no reply. So, I left a voice mail. A few minutes later, I got a reply. I vividly remember him sounding so sad. I asked him if in the morning we could visit my grandma. And I'll never forget his next words: If she makes it until then, you can see her. I responded, well, what are you talking about? He said hospice was there, and she wasn't doing good. We bolted to my uncles house. We got there, and I walked in, already in tears from the 45 minute trip. I went to her hospital bed in my uncles room, and I'll never forget how bad she looked. She had a cute green beanie with a pink flower on it, since she had lost her hair, though she hadn't gone through chemotherapy yet. She had always been a skinny person, but now her cheeks were pulled in, and she looked deathly ill. She couldn't speak, and she had been sleeping most of the day. When she woke up, I said hi grandma, tears quickly forming in my eyes. She smiled and I saw a small tear in her eye. I told her I love her, and she mumbled out a distorted I love you too. As it turned out, she also had lung cancer, so her speech was light and she was too weak to stay awake long. I held her hand a whole hour until we went home.

The next morning, we had all woken up and were sitting around waiting for a possible call. My cousin told us if anything happened he would call. I sat in my room, and heard my dad's phone go off. "Oh god" is what I heard from him before he picked up the phone, I knew my cousin had called. I got up, and got dressed, preparing for the worst. My step mom came in, and said she was gone. I sunk to the floor and yelled out and cried. December 7, 2013, was the day my world collapsed. A week and 3 days after she was diagnosed with liver and lung cancer, she had died. To this day, I still can't wrap my mind around it. I still don't believe fully that she's gone. I constantly sit in my room, when I'm home alone, and just talk to her, hoping she can hear me. I think about her all the time. There's not a day that goes by that I don't wanna scream on the top of my lungs. I have no support. I've moved to a new school recently and don't have close friends. I have no one to talk to. I just can't believe it. I want to, but deep down I refuse to believe that she's gone. It's sad. I just can't cope.

If you read this far, thank you for listening. Even if you don't comment, thanks for listening. It means the entire world to me. I have no one else to listen to me, so thank you from the bottom of my heart, thank you.

Comments for The Most Important Person in My Life

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Apr 19, 2014
by: Anonymous

I am in tears reading your story. It touches my heart as it sounds so similar to the relationship and circumstances I had with my nanna. She passed away very suddenly after her diagnosis as well, 9 years ago when I was 13.
Although I am no longer constantly grieving for her, she still holds the place of most important person in my life and every once in awhile I can't help but spending a day alone with an aching chest, thinking about the memories we shared and wishing I could go back and relive them.
Anyways I just had to comment to tell you how moved I am by your story.

Feb 15, 2014
keep praying
by: Anonymous

Hi Tricia,
I lost my grandmother 4 days ago and got on this site to find some comfort. I felt sympathy for your situation since I was too very attached to my grandmother.
I lost my youngest brother 2 years ago and I went thru some much I though I was gonna die, so I prepared myself since then for this moment where I would loose the most important person in my life too. But we are never prepared.
The difference is that God starts to listen to your prayers when you ask, so He is helping me thru this.
You are very young and full of life ahead of you and you will have plenty of opportunities to share everything you learned from your grandmother, and not everyone is blessed in that sense.
They lived their lives, they had grandkids and now it's time for you to live yours.
Just remember she is somewhere beautiful that hopefully you will get to meet her someday.
Keep praying. God bless.

Feb 01, 2014
No way to thank you enough
by: Tricia

Though most of you will not read this, I must thank everyone for their comments. It means so very much to me. Though I am young, I'm much more mature beyond my years. I'm so sorry for all of your losses. Thanks for putting me and my family in your prayers. It means more than a simple thanks.

Jan 30, 2014
Your Loss
by: Judith in California

Dear Tricia, as you can see from the responses, you are not going to go through this alone with no one to talk to. We are here and care that you are hurting. Most of us are going through or have gone through a loss and the painful grief journey.

I hope you have a realtionship with our Heavenly Father and go to him when you feel so lost. He will give you the strength to endure this most devastating loss of your grandmother.

Please find some comfort in that God has her now and she is in no more pain. Her suffering is over.

We will ask that God watch over you and help you get to the peaceful and acceptance side of this .

Jan 30, 2014
The Most Important Person in My Life
by: Katrina

Hi my name is Katrina and I am so very sorry about your loss. I to lost my mother in June of 2013, so I know the pain and devastation you feel. I pray a lot, I talk to my mom a lot and I talk to God a lot. I want you to know that as painful as this grief is, it truly does ease up as time goes by. I still miss my mom so very much and the pain is still there, the hurt and devastation is still there and it probably always will be but I also hold on to my faith and my belief in God and my hope that one day things will be better. My prayers are with you and your family

Jan 30, 2014
So sorry
by: Anonymous

I am so sorry for your is tough to lose some one you love at any age but tougher when you are only a teenager. I lost my mum to heart and lung problems six months ago and I miss her so much. Like you thoughts of her fill my every waking hour despite what I am doing. Please be gentle with yourself and take it one day at a time. If you have no support log on here and it helps that we are all in this together. It gets a little easier with time. My Dad died 6 years ago and the first year and a half were difficult but we all heal differently. Try to think of only the good times you had with her. I write to my mum telling her all I want to say and it helps a little. Thinking of you and wishing you all the best. Therese

Jan 30, 2014
What a sad situation
by: SoSadDad

Tricia, I am very sorry for you, having lost the one person in your life who supported you and loved you unconditionally. I can't imagine growing up without a mom, and I can't imagine a dad who would treat you as you have said. I'm curious to know if this was your mom's mom or your dad's mom? I can't imagine your dad not letting you talk to his own mother. But either way it's pitiful. Tricia, I would guess from my own life experiences raising two daughters, that there is more to your story of you and your dad than you are telling. But regardless of the circumstances, his conduct, as an adult and a father, is not acceptable. I raised my girls through some very tough times, but I loved them unconditionally every moment. I have now lost both of them to the monster that is addiction. At 28 and 31, they were way to young to die. But they did, and I'm thankful for every minute with them, both the good and the bad. The hurt of losing them is nearly unbearable, as it is. But if I had not talked to them, or had a good relationship with them, when they died, I don't think I would have survived. My heart breaks for you, Tricia. Keep coming back here, and know that while we don't fully understand your feelings, we have all been through awful and lonely times, and you are among friends.

God bless you!

Jan 30, 2014
by: Martha

Oh Tricia my heart breaks for you that you have lost the most important person in your life at the tender age of 15...So sad that your Dad kept you from seeing and talking to your Grandma...he must feel really bad about that now. Now is the time to think about you...You absolutely need someone to talk to who can help you through it. You need to go to a guidance counselor at school and tell them the story you have told us here...they will be able to put you in touch with services that can help you...just take it one day at a time and remember that you will see your Grandma again one day in Heaven. She is up there watching you and her spirit is never far from you. Make her proud sweetheart! I know it is not easy but you can do it. It took a lot of courage just to reach out here. You are stronger than you think. Wish I could give you a big hug!
We are here for you if you need to talk, we will listen....

Jan 30, 2014
We all hear here
by: Zoe

Oh sugar I am so sorry. I am a widow, so I understand loosing the most important person in your world. I also understand not believing anyone will listen. After all they are going on with their lives, how can that be when the person at the center of your world is gone? You have to understand that people don't know what to say about death. Death makes people uncomfortable, always, you understand things that most don't. It is unfortunate you had to learn them at such a young age. Know that your grandmother would not want you to stop living, she would say you are the very best example of the very best part of her, and you must live and continue so that she can continue.

I found writing helped. almost four years later I still write, not as often as I once did, but I write. Just know we are always here, we always listen, and we always understand.

For now, and for each day until you can do more just remember

one breath, one step, one day at a time.

Jan 30, 2014
The Most Important Person in My Life
by: Doreen UK

Tricia I am so sorry for your loss of the most important person in your life. YOUR GRANDMA. You are so young and shouldn't have to cope with your loss alone and without support. I am also sorry for your loss of a father figure by him neglecting you. You have many needs as a child and now a young Adult and should have someone in your life to guide and direct you not to mention to NURTURE YOU. Something that I fear has been lacking in your life. You can speak to one of the counsellors attached to your school/college and ask for support. You can also keep a journal and write out all your hurt feelings and pain over losing your grandma. You can structure your journal and write letters to your grandma as if you were talking to her and telling her how bad life is now for you with no one to nurture you like she did. You can also Thank her for her love, loyalty, and guidance and how you appreciated her and what she put in your life. This way you will be honouring her and just may be the building blocks you need to kick start your life. Whatever happens your loss can make you BITTER or BETTER. I had sorrow in my life growing up and was very unhappy. I had no one to talk to and listen to me. I grew up silent in a hearing world. I only had one person to talk to and that was GOD. He changed my life and put the right people in my life to help me. I reached my 40's and then went into counselling to resolve my hurt, losses, and depression. This was the best investment I made in my life. I became a more integrated and happier person for the first time in my life. I decided I was not going to let my tragedies make me BITTER. I wanted everything to be BETTER. I chose the BETTER. I still have trials and sorrows in life. But I go through them with God. I know what you are going through. I lost my husband to lung cancer and I nursed him for over 3yrs. and watched him die slowly in pain. My heart is broken from losing him. Take one day at a time. This is the best way forward. None of us knows what grief is like and how it will affect us. But we learn from each other on this site. Write as often as you need to and we will support you. I hope one of your relatives, uncle, aunt, or responsible adult can nurture and take you under their wings. You may have to ask for what support you need. I wish you the best in life.

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