The New Reality

by Dave Newton
(Stoke, UK)

A phone call at work confirmed my worst fears. The past weeks I had become detached from my Dad's illness. Looking back it was my way of coping with the imminent demise of my Dad. Even when they took him away to hospital on the Monday night I was in a serene state of emotional detachment. I never saw him alive again as he died on Wednesday morning of 'acquired community pneumonia'. The cancer had wrecked his body and he fought it to the end. As I write this I cannot hold back the tears as I seem to be recalling those gestures of generosity which had marked this wonderful man throughout the final years. He was not a man of words but of actions. He could say "I love you" without saying it and, "You're my precious son" through what he did for me during the testing times of my life. Now a feeling of emptiness pervades and a new reality beckons - a reality without my Dad, without the man I loved but could not tell him. I feel orphaned and pointless without his unswerving support in spite of me aking some of the more dubious life decisions. He was an influence in my life that cannot be erased or disappear. Energy never truly dies, it changes form, becoming something else and existing on another plain of existence. At least this is what I hope of my Dad who I cannot and will not forget.

God bless him.

Dave Newton

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Sep 23, 2013
The New Reality
by: Doreen UK

Dave I am sorry for your loss of your Dad and how this has impacted your life in grief. Often our fathers leave imprints on our heart whilst they live which is magnified when we lose them. Deep down parents do what they do expecting nothing in return. Your father would have loved enough to give you what you needed whether it was noticed or not. This is the nature of a parent who would make any sacrifice for their child.
It is just hard when we lose this on going support. It is like our daily drink of water to make our system run well. This is what death does to us. It tears away everything from our future as a result. What your father however has left you is a legacy that you can emulate throughout your life. He left you with a richness that will enhance your life and help you be the person that carries on this trait.
Cancer is a disease that claimed the life of my husband and he died 16 months ago. I have 3 Adult Children who all feel the loss of a father, but remember him with pride for the man he was. Grief takes time to work itself out into healing and I know that you will pick up the pieces of your life and become stronger from your grief. But it will take time.

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