The Only Love I Will Ever Have

by Tom
(Kansas City)

Well it has been a little over 5 months since my wife passed away. A lot of ups and downs but just trying to make or force a new normal. I miss her so much and find myself calling her phone more and more just so I can hear her voice. I don't know if it is just time but I am having a hard time remembering how great her laugh was.

My son and I go up to visit weekly but it is so cold out and snowing that we don't spend much time with her. I guess I am feeling guilty because of that. I know it has been awhile since I wrote to anyone but I read the posts daily.

This site and hearing all of the other stories just helps me understand how I am doing. Someone posted a couple weeks ago about when to take off the wedding rings. I had a friend ask me last week "you know if you take off your wedding ring you will meet someone new"; I informed him that I buried my wife with her ring on her finger and mine will stay on mine.

I know they say death ends the marriage but I think that is only if we let it. Time may change the way I look at it but for now I prefer to keep everything just like it was. I hope everyone is still moving forward on this crazy ride we are on.

Comments for The Only Love I Will Ever Have

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Jan 20, 2011
The Only Love I Will Ever Have
by: Anonymous

HI Tom,
I am so sorry for your loss. My husband passed away 9 years come Feb.2011 and I still feel that he was my only love i will ever have. Sadly the pain from losing him so long ago has been deeply shadowed by the recent loss of my 30 year old daughter. The length of time between losing Mark to losing Robyn did lessen in pain and memories weren't painful anymore. Sadly no one can travel your path of grief with you, it is as personal as your relationship with your wife. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

Jan 20, 2011
For Donna
by: Mari

Hi Donna. Your post reminded me something. You said you sleep with the laminated obituary. I have the printout of where they placed stents in my husbands heart. I feel that by keeping this I have my husbands heart. I did anyway. I kiss my husbands picture and tell him I love him.
I am doing better after 14 months and look at that picture. I think how handsome he looked and how the love he had for me showed in his eyes. I no longer have the vivid dreams or the scent of his cologne and all the other strange things that went on. I have him in my heart and mind all the time and thank God I did have him.

He came along at the worst time ever in my life and picked up the pieces. He kept asking me to marry him until I said yes. glad I did.
He worried about his ''babies'' when he got sick. My grandchildren were ''his babies'' and at the one yr memorial my pastor said he was worried about his babies plus he hated to leave me.

The holidays were not good for me. But God gave us a new baby. She is our great grandaughter named Aubree and she was born on Jan 5th. She has rosebud lips and brown eyes and black hair. What a joy she is. I just wish my husband had been able to see her.

God has brought me through. I still deal with stuff but there has been quite a bit of healing. I cannot tell you how many times I called on the Lord. I will always miss my husband.

I suppose that our lives change forever. I know this place feels too big for me but it is our home and I am staying. Take care of yourself. I think we can make it through with God's help. I gave a testimony at church Sunday night. The church was packed full. I wanted people to know that even in times of sorrow God is with us. And so He is.

Jan 18, 2011
the only love...............
by: Linda(Quebec)

Tom thank you so much for telling us about your life. I have noticed it is mainly women who write on here and am pleased you have found an outlet for your grief.

I was only married for 8 short months to my husband, though we lived together for the last 7 years and I will never take off my wedding ring. I wear his on a golden chain around my neck and removing it from his finger when he passed was one of the hardest things I have ever done in my life.

He passed away just 4 weeks ago today and I remember a day after he passed picking up the phone and wanting to call him so that I could hear his voice.

Like you I am adjusting to my new "norm" and like so many others find it hardest at night when it is suddenly so quiet its deafening.

When I read the post about no longer being married I cried.......I hate the "W" word and in my heart will always be married to him.
Again thanks for sharing

Jan 18, 2011
The only love I will ever have
by: M Mack


I hear you and know what your talking about when you say "force a new normal." I guess all we need to do is find out WHAT that new normal is for us. We are all trying to move on in our lives yet some days, you just need to morn. It comes and goes right when you least expect it.

Try taking the small steps. Your wonderful wife knows you love her. Most important, keep writing, it helps. I have a lot of prayers out there and you get one too!

Jan 17, 2011
My love
by: Sharon

It has been nearly 6 months since I lost my husband and best friend.

Jim took care of everything so to lose him was devastating. He was only sick for 6 weeks.

I miss him so much it hurts. Thank goodness for family because without them, I would be completely lost.

It really seems worse in the evening and bedtime.

Just trying to get on day by day.

Jan 17, 2011
The only love I will ever have
by: Zoe

When John was in so much pain, but fighting so hard to stay with me I told him it was ok for him to go, that I had always loved him and always will.

I will be with him in my heart until I die, and the universe willing my last breath on this earth will be looking into his eyes again.

Jan 17, 2011
The only love
by: Colleen

Do not feel guilty about not visiting your wife for long, I am sure as all wives will tell you that she would probably tell you to get out of the cold. I do feel for you as men are told to be strong and not show emotion it can be extremely hard to hold all those emotions in check when all you want to do is scream at the world about the injustice of losing your only love. I agree with you keep wearing your wedding ring just because they are no longer with us does not mean we have stopped loving them.

Jan 17, 2011
Wedding Ring
by: Lew

Tom, I grieve for you this day. My wife of 46 years, Ann, died nearly three months ago. This morning I moved the ring she gave me at our wedding from my left hand to my right hand. I cried and cried. I made lots of tear soup.

Ann will always be with me, but I am made to have a spouse, hopefully a soul mate. Being alone is not my personality. I long for a personal touch, and there are, as you know, very few. Some hugs, and these are treasured, but a gentle touch on the side of the face. Someone sitting close, side by side. Too risky for my friends, I guess.

Is there some way we can email?

Jan 17, 2011
What do you mean I'm not married?


I have found myself staring at my wedding band as of late twirling it about my finger. When I remove it it feels strange. I am a year survivor of grief if that matters.

I purchased a memorial ring from it has a single tear drop on the front and you can engrave up to 25 charecters(sp) (letters) inside. I wear that with the wedding band. One day I might just wear the memorial ring but not yet...

I also still feel married. Last month I had to fill out a form for social security. The first question was...Are you married? I dropped the paper as if it were on fire. I could not bear to even read it much less fill it out.

I did not complete it until it was due. And had to call social security crying for help how to fill it out. The kind man told me that if my husband is deceased I am no longer married.

I guess I knew that but somehow could not accept that. Being single by force beyond my control.
Just the word single leaves a bile like taste in my mouth that I want to spit out.

So I do know...I do understand and wish you well on your journey through grief because there is no way to avoid it just get through it.

Jan 17, 2011
My Ring Stays On
by: PatJ

Tom~I posted about to wear or not to wear our wedding rings. I'm going on 7 weeks without my husband. I still feel very married to him. I love the way you posted, finding a new normal. I don't know anything but my husband. I was 21 years old, fresh out of nursing school, had never lived on my own, when I married my husband 35 years ago. He was and is my normal. Just by living on my own I'm journeying into an area I'm never been in before.

You help me to realize I shouldn't look for that old "normal" feeling. I have to find a new normal. Thank you for that.

My ring will stay on probably for the rest of my life. I had the best. He was my love, my best friend, treated me with love and respect, we laughed at the same things, knew each others thoughts. I could never settle for less than that. I dont think any of us should.

Thank you Tom and God's blessings to you are your son. Come to this site as often as you need to. We are all here for you.

Jan 17, 2011
The only love I will ever have
by: Donna

Tom, it has been almost 6 months for me, July 23,2010. We were together for 26 years. I also find myself calling his phone to hear his voice. I also still am sleeping with his laminated obituary. I kiss him every morning when I get up and every night before I go to sleep. He is the last thing I see before I finally drift off. I miss him soooo much. In our vows we promised to love, honor, and cherish till death do us part, but they don't tell us how to stop doing these things when death does part us. For today I go one step one breath, thats all I can do.

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