THE ONLY MAN I EVER REALLY AND TRULY LOVED MY POOCHELINE

by JOSEPHINE CORLISS
(NEWYORK CITY)

I GOT WITH HIM BACK IN THE EARLY 80S HES THE MAN I ALWAYS DREAMED ABOUT GOOD LOOKING, BUILT GREAT PERSONALITY, WASN'T SCARED OF ANYONE OR ANYTHING. WHEN IT CAME TO ME HE MADE SURE WHO EVER SPOKE TO ME SPOKE TO ME WITH RESPECT, THAT WAS HIS BIGGEST THING RESPECT. HE NEVER REALLY WORKED, YES HE WAS ON DRUGS BUT HE ALWAYS MADE SURE MY HOUSE WAS NICE AND IT WAS CLEAN. HE ALWAYS TOOK CARE OF THE KIDS WITH ME ESPECIALLY WHEN IT CAME TO TEACHING THEM HOW TO READ AND WRITE AND THEIR ABCS.

THE KIDS LOVED HIM VERY MUCH MAYBE HE WASN'T A GOOD PROVIDER, BUT AS A FATHER HE WAS THE BEST HE LOVED THE KIDS AND MOST OF ALL HE RAISED 1 OF THEM AS HIS OWN, WHEN I STARTED WITH HIM I ALREADY HAD A 1 YEAR OLD HE TOOK HER AS IF SHE WAS HIS OWN AND MY DAUGHTER ADORED HIM VERY MUCH.

HE WAS IN AND OUT OF JAIL IN BETWEEN BUT WE ALWAYS WENT TO GO SEE HIM ME AND MY DAUGHTERS, IT WAS SO HARD TO LEAVE HIM WHEN THE VISIT WAS OVER WE ALL JUST COULDN'T WAIT TILL THE DAY HE WAS LET OUT AND COULD COME HOME FOR GOOD.

1 DAY I RECEIVED A PHONE CALL IT WAS PUCHI, WE CALLED HIM THAT FOR SHORT, HE HAD TOLD ME HE HAD CONTRACTED HIV. I WAS FRANTIC I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT TO DO OR HOW TO TELL THE KIDS THERE FATHER HAS A DISEASE HE COULD DIE FROM ONE DAY BUT I KNEW I HAD TO TELL THEM AND SO I DID. THEY WERE KIND OF YOUNG YET AND DIDN'T QUITE UNDERSTAND WHAT THIS WAS ALL ABOUT OR HOW HE GOT IT AND WHERE IT CAME FROM. THEY JUST KNEW DADDY WAS SICK AND MAYBE SOMEDAY HE MIGHT GET BETTER.

WELL AFTER ALL THAT HE WAS IN AND OUT OF JAIL FOR 10 STRAIGHT YEARS AND ON THE 10TH YEAR HE FINALLY HAD WHAT TURNED INTO FULL BLOWN AIDS, THE KIDS BY THEN WERE OLDER AND NOW THEY KNEW EXACTLY WHAT AIDS WAS AND HOW HE GOT IT, FROM DRUGS. THEY ALWAYS KNEW GROWING UP HE DID DRUGS BUT ONLY BECAUSE WE WOULD ARGUE ABOUT HIM NOT DOING THEM ANYMORE. THEY WOULD HEAR AND SEE THE FIGHTS WE USE TO HAVE IT WAS HARD KEEPING ALL THAT FROM THEM.

ONE DAY I CALLED THE CHAPLIN IN THE JAIL HE LET ME AND MY KIDS TALK TO HIM BRIEFLY WE TOLD HIM HOW MUCH WE LOVED HIM AND TO HANG IN THERE, THAT NIGHT THE CHAPLIN CALLED US BACK AND TOLD ME THE BAD NEWS HE TOLD ME HE HAD JUST PASSED AWAY. I TOLD THE KIDS RIGHT AWAY I DIDN'T WANT THEM TO THINK I WAS KEEPING ANYTHING FROM THEM. WE CRIED AND CRIED I THINK AT THAT TIME THAT WAS THE WORST DAY OF MY LIFE LOSING THE ONLY MAN THAT EVER MEANT ANYTHING TO ME, THE ONLY MAN THAT MY KIDS CALLED DADDY. HE WAS GONE WE MISS HIM TERRIBLY MAY HE REST IN PEACE WHEREEVER HE IS.