The pain is causing me severe anger

by Martin
(South-Africa)

Please excuse my English it is not my first language.On the 26 June 2012 i lost my mother whom i was very close to.I was talking to her on her bed and went to the front of.the house,we were visiting and my father was in the shower.When he came out he just shouted my name,i.ran to their bedroom and my mothers eyes were glassy.I immediately contacted advanced life support paramedics,we started cpr.She was dying in front of.our.eyes.The paramedics arrived and.started work on her,but it.did not look good,i phoned my brother and he was also there quickly.When they finally shocked.her.i knew it was to late.After the autopsy we heard her heart had.ruptured,she.just.came out.of.hospital and.did not.feel.well..I still carried her myself.and.put.her.in the.bed the.funeral.services guy brings along,the sight of.her being like.a.dead bird in my arms will.haunt me.forever.As funerals go everybody promises everything and.then soon after just forget.I am now looking after my father who is.severely depressed and.very sick,i.have to constantly pick him up and.carry him.to hos room,I know his.time.is.also.little,they were married for.43 years.My brother and.his wife dont help and.think just showing the occasional.eyes is.sufficient.I have started to.drink.alone when everybody is sleeping one would just.think there will be more support.

Comments for The pain is causing me severe anger

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Jul 27, 2012
Dear Martin, Please Hang On to Dear God...
by: TS

I know how you fill... I have lost My Mom on June 16, 2012,... And my life has never been the same since losing Her, My Mom...But perhaps I can help myself by helping you, in a very small way, by telling you-you not along to fill the pain, the anger and many others debilitating feelings and emotions-I think its all a Grief!
My Prayers and Heart goes out to you!

Jul 23, 2012
you are so strong and loving
by: Anonymous

Life is so unfair. It really is but I believe there are people out there who try to make a difference by helping out those who have had more than our fair shair of difficult times. I am so sorry for your loss. I am very close with my parents and I think of the day that one of them will pass away, how awful I will feel, and how awful it will be for who is left behind. You should pride yourself on what you are doing, what an amazing person you are and that your anger is justified. Some people are seriously helpless and then there are others, like you, who take on so much because of necessity. All of this in the midst of deep grieveing. My heart goes out to you. Do not hurt yourself though in this process. Alcohol helps you relax and forget. Is there a healther way for you to do this? Yoga, meditation, friends, and just doing stuff for yourself. There are times when we must be selfish, to keep ourselves strong. Talking, therapy, journaling, support groups are some other possibilities. Are there volunteer services within your community where someone can give you a break from all that you do? Even if it's just to go out and shop, a massage, something that is just for you? We can't do everything ourselves...you must reach out. I have you in my thoughts and I wish you peace and strength. I think you are an amazing person.

Jul 21, 2012
The pain is causing me severe anger
by: Doreen U.K.

Martin I am so sorry for the loss of your mother.I am also sorry for the pain and anger you are in because you are not getting the support you need.
I know what you are saying. After the funeral everyone goes their own ways and you are left all alone. You then have to figure out all the rest by yourself. You are not coping so you have started drinking to cope. Firstly I say. Don't drink to drown out the pain. It won't work. You will just postpone your grief and it will be that much worse. You have to grieve. In your country they must have bereavement counsellors. Get one fast and talk out how you are feeling. There also must be your doctor, Medical Services. Social Services. Get as many people on the case as you can so that you are not having to do it all and you are well supported. You will go into depression all by yourself. Even Alcohol will cause depression. You don't need to add to your problems. YOU may feel all alone just now. When you see your Social Services in your country you will be able to cope better. You are not alone. You can write again if you have to. Take care and I hope it works out for you.

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