The Pain Lingers

Hello, my name is Jason and this is my story. On January 10th, 1999, my father of 41 years old passed away from cancer. Since then, my mother and my sister dealt with their grief by being open with emotions and talking about it while I, being the "man" of the family, kept a strong face and avoided all signs of emotional weakness, thus I avoided the topic of my father's death altogether. For the last 15 years, I have lacked any initiative to form intimate relationships and have been classified as aloof and dismissive to people around me. In addition to my reclusive, I had to deal with the fact that I have been suffering from this lifelong depression and a bleak perspective on life. Now, 21 years old, I have not overcome my grief, and am saddened by the grip it has over my life. Starting today, I make a stand to be more open about this dreadful chapter of my life as I take my first baby steps towards a bright future.

Comments for The Pain Lingers

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May 26, 2014
The pain lingers on
by: Kenneth

When someone you love passes away the cutting pain takes something away from us we dont understand the need and freedom to love again but what ever wound is cut by the pain it heals it does take a long time though the scar stays for ever hang on there Jason you are not alone and take comfort in the fact that you have your sis and mom to love,give them your love, share every bit of emotion even if it means crying at times,I lost my wife a year ago at age 35 i have two boys to take care of and a demanding job i give it my all because its the only thing that I have remember somethings happen in our lives and we will never know why hang on right there my brother you are not alone

May 26, 2014
The Pain Lingers
by: Doreen UK

Jason, you must have been 6yrs. old at the time of your father's death since you say you are 21yrs. of age now. I just can't imagine how your feelings and grief were not considered or respected. You have taken the first big step to talk about it on this site. WELL DONE! I applaud you for your bravery in taking this first step which will feel a very daunting experience. I am always saddened by how many children are overlooked and not considered whilst the adults cope with their loss. Your father was a very young man to lose his life. You were very young to lose a father's nurturing and presence and guidance in your young life. You have been neglected and missed out on 15yrs. of your life. Try and work with a therapist/counsellor since you have REPRESSED your grief. I had to go into therapy/counselling in my 40's to resolve my losses. it was more painful, but the healing was AMAZING. I have been able to move forward with my life better and able to cope with losing my husband of 44yrs. to lung cancer 2yrs. ago. My husband worked with ASBESTOS in the workplace as a young man in his 20's and as a result the fibres lodged in the lining of his lungs and took 40yrs. to develop into a malignant, aggressive, incurable, inoperable cancer. He never had a chance. His environment killed him. It is a very painful, lonely journey in life. YOU are YOUNG and have your whole life in front of you. Do what you have to do to free yourself of the pain of losing your father and to HEAL so that you can re-claim your life back. Live it well, and do many good things for yourself each day to build yourself up. A good foundation to healing from grief. You will be able to re-connect with the people you have lost in your life as a result of becoming a RECLUSE. I have been where you are and I was a RECLUSE from the age of 11yrs. and I know how miserable a life it was for me. But looking back I see strength in who I was and have become. This can happen to you also. You will become stronger in the places you were weak. You don't have to be strong and become the MAN of the family. You don't have to take on that role or let it be forced upon you. You are an individual and can develop to the point you can be supportive to your family, whist dealing with your own needs. Develop Healthy BOUNDARIES that will allow you to respect your own feelings and needs in life. Don't let anyone make excessive demands on you that you can't meet. WE all have our limitations. It is possible to get your life back. Make it an exciting discovery/journey into finding out how good life can be. Embracing life and making it a positive experience despite those inevitable trials and tribulations we endure in life. When you deal with the pain it won't linger. I wish you every success and happiness in life.

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