The Pain never stops.....

by Jessica Herrmann
(Chester, Vt)

May 10th, 2009. I awoke, my loving husband awoke, with only one thing on his mind, going to the store to get coffee creamer so that I could have coffee, as he drank his black. My back was hurting really bad, I had just gone and seen the Dr. and they had told me that my spine was pinching my spinal cord, they had given me pain killers and muscle relaxers. He went out to the kitchen, got me a glass of water and a muscle relaxer. I took them, he kissed me on the forehead and told me he would be right back.

I got up just after he left, and went to the bathroom. I was sitting in the living room when he walked through the door. He looked horrible. White, sweaty, and was breathing hard. I asked him if he was ok, he told me his arm hurt. I instinctively asked him was he having a heart attack. He looked at me, smirked and said No. I have a flu or something. Little did I know.

John collapsed an hour later, fell to the ground, in front of me, with an EMT there. They air lifted him to the Hospital. Where I was told that a blood clot had gotten stuck in his heart. The doctors kept telling me there was a chance..... For 2 days I waited with my family by my side.

Wednesday morning, May 13th, 2009. They told me his chances of survival was 6%....he was 100% on life support. I could not ask him to fight any more. I loved him, I still love him. The hardest thing I will ever do in my life I did. I sat by him, I held his hand, I rubbed his arm, and I looked at him and told him it was ok to go, that I would be ok. He passed away within 1 minute of pulling life support....my heart, my soul...it became shattered that day. I move on, I go through the motions, but My life as it was is forever gone.....