The pain of losing the love of my life
In May 2008 I met the love of my life, P. We were both over 50 and felt so lucky that we had found each other. P was a wonderful man who was so easy to love. He made me feel very special and we were totally happy. We were about to embark on a new chapter of our lives and we were very excited about the future. Then out of the blue only 18 months after we met, he suddenly became ill. I had a terrible feeling of dread. P had tests and we were told that he had a malignant brain tumour. He had surgery, followed by radiotherapy and chemotherapy. We hoped and hoped that P would be able to get his life back on track but this was not to be. He went through so much over the next 2 years, further surgery and other medical hurdles. He was so brave throughout and did everything he was asked. He had so much to live for and never gave up trying to overcome the debilitating and disabling effects of surgery and treatment. He put up with the odd seizure here and there too. His independent,active lifestyle was turned upside down and it was agonising for me to see what this illness was doing to him. I nursed him and tried care for him as best I could. I loved him so much and would have given anything to have him well again. Sadly a month ago P passed away and I am heartbroken. I miss him so much. I try to comfort myself with knowing he is no longer suffering. I feel so angry that this lovely man who had so much living yet to do has lost his life so early and just when everything in his life was so good. It seems so cruel that he was given a taste of immense happiness only to have it snatched away. Grief is the price we pay for love isn't it? I fell as if a huge part of me has been lost and I will never be the same person again. The future looks so bleak without the love of my life beside me. The pain is just intense and I have never known pain like this before. It helps me a little to believe that P is around me all the time in spirit. God bless you my darling.