The passing of time and long term grief
My birthday will be here in a few days. It reminds me of last year at this time. I was running, trying to run away from grief or at least try to escape it by going to Fla. On that day one year ago I was still angry, still in shock knowing that he was gone but not coping especially well. It was at that time 6 months since he passed away.
So here I am with my children visiting and all and all it is wonderful to see them. Yet when Pauls sister went back home and his/our daughter went to spend time with her mother it really sunk in. A family reunion without the very person that bound us together and made us a family.
We were a his mine and ours situation. We courted with children always near. We loved each other while raising our kids and trying to get a moment together. I would not trade what we had for the world, yet it is so quiet, too quiet. What would have been our golden years are my lonely moments.
As I try to adjust to life without Paul I have my moments small and treasured of happiness. Just enough so that I don't give up. But am I ready to "celebrate" a birthday the 2nd without him? I don't know... Part of me still wants to run away. But I know you can not run from grief or life and I need to face both.
It is such a long journey. I really somehow thought I would be done by now surely a year and a half, two come winter would be enough time. How much time does it take to accept the life we now lead? As always step by step and on a bad day which thankfully there are less and less of, One breath at a time. I still Love and Miss you My Love. I hope that you have found peace and that in time I will too.