The perfect man for me

by Nancy Jordan
(Shelby Township, MI USA)

I lost my husband Jim to pulmonary hypertension on Sept. 17, 2009. He was on the transplant list for a double lung transplant. We were together for 32 years. Each of us had been married before when we met. We used to say that if we ever saw our ex-spouses again we would say "thank you" for leaving us. If they hadn't we would never have had the chance to meet.

I used to tell him I would go through all the crap all over again if I knew in the end he'd be there waiting for me. He wasn't a perfect man, but he was the perfect man for me! We always looked at the transplant process as a positive thing and never even considered the alternative, but his heart was working so hard to do work that his lungs couldn't and eventually it gave out on him.

I miss him every single day and know I will never find another man who loved me the way he loved me...just the way I am.

Comments for The perfect man for me

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Jul 31, 2010
"My" perfect man
by: Anonymous

I read your blog and, even though our circumstances are different, I so know what you are saying. My husband and I were together 42 years, and even though we had a "hiccup" midway through, we got back together, because we still had what we started out with - a passion for each other that I don't think I will ever find again.

He had had two heart attacks, the first one at 50, the second at 55, I believed he was on a five year plan - so we decided to give up work, our son and his partner moved into our house, we put the caravan on the back of the car and took off, for an open ended trip around Australia.

We had done four months, and 20,000k, doing things and meeting people, including one of his mates from his teenage years, having an absolute ball.

He started moving us down closer to our daughter in the south of Queensland, earlier than we had originally planned.

We were staying in a caravan park near her, one morning he got very restless in bed, I looked over to tell him to settle, and realised something was wrong - he couldn't move his right side, and could not speak - I was terrified, he was scared, you could see it in his eyes.

I hit the green call button on my mobile, and luckily it was my daughter, she rang the ambulance, her sister in law (a nurse) came flying down, John was rushed to hospital (40k) away, but he lived only two more days.

The feeling of being so alone, while surrounded by people, is one of the most overwhelming I have every experienced, it is getting better now, eight months on, but the "stages of grief" struck a chord with me.

I know I can cope, I have had a couple of meltdowns, but got through them, I was on medication for about two months, because I just couldn't stop crying, I was in absolute despair, how could I go on - but I have weaned off that now, and am getting on with my life, making plans, new friends, as I know he would expect of me.

John was my best friend - he let me be me, he was always there for me, we didn't agree all the time, but we were right for each other - the night before he passed, as I was leaving - he stroked my face and looked at me with such love, I think I knew then that he would be gone when I next saw him, and he was, the physical body was there, but his spirit had passed. My oldest grandson (15) was at home in his room, and told his mother - grandad has gone, he passed me by this morning -

I miss my darling so much, but I know that I have to keep going, too much to live for -
I hope no one minds me waffling on like this, but I have been looking for somewhere to put my feelings and emotions down on paper, friends and family are great, but you can't just keep on telling them some things, it is not fair on them I reckon - so thanks again.

jules

Jul 30, 2010
loss of spouse
by: Brenda

I smiled at your comment about you both being married before. My husband was married to a woman named Brenda and since that is my name also I teased him that God told him to marry Brenda Boone and he did not listen well enough and married the wrong Brenda. I was married to my first husband almost 30 years. But the last 10 years I have had with Gary are the best of my whole life. He has shown me more love than anyone else in my life. I do not know what I would do without him. My heart goes out to you.

Jul 30, 2010
. . . the perfect man . . .
by: Charlotte

It is almost a miracle to find someone who will love you even when you may not be most lovable.

I had a good man for 10 years -- and then he was gone (literally in a heartbeat) . . . and I realize now, in his absence, that I wasn't recognizing his devotion the way that I should have.

I know -- in his goodness -- that he loved me; I hope that he knew (or knows) how much I love him . . . how much I miss him . . . how much I'd give if only I could take back every petty complaint and snappish answer.

He loved me despite my faults . . . I so regret that I didn't always return that generosity.

Jul 30, 2010
Me too....
by:

I admit that your comments made me smile and think of the fact that if I hadn't left that sorry Ex. of mine besides possibly being physically injured, I wouldn't have met and Loved the most wonderful man.

His Name was Francis P. Holt and I knew him as Paul. I was so blessed to find him, love him, and more importantly to have him love me back. I know its hard for you now. keep reading, this is the place to be for support. We are with you...HH

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