The phone doesn't ring anymore
by Carol , Seans mom
Tonight I went to plug in my phone to charge it. I thought of how I always plugged it in near my bed because alot of times my son would call early when he got out of work. He worked the overnight shift for the past few years. As I plugged it in I knew I could not sleep so I decided to write. This is Carol,Seans mom. Sean died on November 15,2011. I can't believe my life with him is over. It does not seem possible. As I write this I cry because life without him is sad and painful. I miss him so much and my time with him is just done. No notice, no warning, no anything, just done. He wasn't harming anyone, he went to sleep so he could work hard overnight and then I was meeting him to go with him to be tested for college classes. Sean had enrolled back into school. He had struggled with anxiety and was seeing a counselor. He was heading back to school. He wanted a future. He went to sleep. Why did he have to die? Why is life so cruel? I miss his phone calls and sometimes his texts. If we missed each others calls we would text because we assumed the other was tied up and then we called as soon as possible. I really dont know what to think about life anymore. What will happen next? I need to be strong for his two younger sisters but life without him is not normal. It is not OK. I am sure I am in a depression. How could I not be? My first born and only son is gone. As I write this I cant even believe it. I am numb. Why is Sean gone? He was my son who I loved so much and he just wanted a future. I dont get it. I really dont. I am forever heartbroken.