The Pink Rock

by Janet
(Stanwood, WA)

Our daughter began using LSD/alcohol/pot at 12 yrs of age. At 14 she was date raped. We did everything we could, but it never was enough. By the time she was 18 she was pregnant and married to the father of her first child. He was an addict as well.

Then they had a second child. Throughout their marriage, they lived with us (mom and dad). We did everything we could. And went bankrupt doing it. Not just emotionally bankrupt, but financially as well.

Now our 33-year-old daughter is clean and sober for 10 months and has decided we can't contact her. She has moved and we don't know where she is, and she has the two grandkids we raised.

There were days when she was still using drugs that she would be drooling, staggering or even possibly unable to walk. We would take care of the kids totally. CPS finally got involved and she got better but now everything is our fault.

I know that they are alive and well and that perhaps means I shouldn't be using this website, but the grief inside of me is like a boulder. I can't make it through most days. I feel like a wimp. I should be glad she's doing better. All I need is to be able to see them occasionally and call them occasionally and know that they love us.

She is telling people terrible, terrible things about us that are not true or are truth twisted into lies and ugliness.

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Dec 07, 2009
You were a good mother
by: Anonymous

Please don't beat yourself up over this. You did everything with the best of intentions and with love. You may not have been perfect parents, but those do not exist. Your daughter needs to grow up, or she may never, but you were a good parent and did your job. You will answer to God for that, she must answer to God for honoring her mother and father.

Dec 01, 2009
Grieving loss of living children
by: Linda

Hi Janet, I don't know how long ago you posted your story, but I wanted to let you know that I am grieving the loss of a relationship as well. My daughter used to be one of my best friends. She would talk with me for hours. I have lots of other friends and am a busy person, so it isn't as though the relationship with my daughter was the focus of my life.

In some ways death would be easier to understand and deal with, but my daughter lives only 15 miles away and I rarely see her. Conversations are terse at best. She calls when she wants something. She isn't married, nor does she have children... but she has a boyfriend who has taken her out of our world.

He doesn't want a relationship with us, and she has entered his world, his family, his friends; leaving her world and her friends behind. I hurt so badly, I understand how you would grieve the loss of your grandchildren. I am already doing the same... even though it may be years before I have any. It is hardest because it seems like no one understands why I hurt. After all, she is still alive... but the relationship isn't.

The hardest part for me is to let her have her space and not say anything to further endanger any future reconciliation. All I can do now is pray. I pray that God will meet her where she is, and draw her back to her family and friends.

Through all this process, however, I have talked with multiple friends. One in particular gives me such hope. She left her family at 17. It was during the next 4 years or so that they heard little from her. She has now returned, is married with four children and has a good relationship with her family. I will pray the same for you.

Oh, and one more thing about my daughter. She is the oldest of 5 other children. They are all adopted... but still very much our children.

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