The Plan Worked!

by Allison

A few days ago I posted my plan for a dinner party on the first anniversary of Kent's death. Just wanted to report that it was everything and more I could have hoped for to get through that bad day. It was truly wonderful. Everyone got on board with the idea of not only remembering my Sweetie but also celebrating my first year as a widow. Lots of laughs, a bit of wine and cards and flowers galore. We had my homemade lasagne for dinner, one of Kent's favorite meals, and I can modestly say it was my best effort ever. Kent must have been in the kitchen when I was preparing it. Yes it was a bittersweet day and yes I cried after everyone left but for the first time I cried out of both sadness and joy. I would highly recommend making a celebration of the first anniversary of your loved one's passing. You will be surprised and comforted by the way your friends respond. What I dreaded to be an awful day turned into a gentle and loving time. In fact, everyone wants to celebrate Kent's death anniversary again next year, both to keep his memory alive and to continue to support me. I am humbled. Kent - you and I are truly blessed.

Comments for The Plan Worked!

Click here to add your own comments

Nov 11, 2012
by: Anonymous

We had an open house, pot luck dinner. It was a huge success with many friends just stopping by. My children and I felt that it was a tribute to their father, my husband. We decided to make it a tradition.

Nov 10, 2012
The Plan Worked!
by: Pat J.Green Bay,WI

I am happy to hear your party worked. On the one year anniversary of my husbands death, which was June 27 of this year, I had something similar. It was my children, who had it. We have 5 adult chilren and the 3 girls talked together and decided we were going to have a pool party at my middle daughters home. They all took off of work, we spent the afternoon together; all my children and grandchildren were there. I was in the pool with just the grandchildren. and my chilren were snacking and drinking and talking on the deck. It occurred to me, what a greater tribute to my husband and myself, than the wonderful family we have.
I looked up to the heavens and said " Honey this is the gift God gave us, our wonderful family". I will be forever grateful for them. I always have a reminder of my husband, because I see him in ALL of them.
I shed more tears on the 26th of June than I did on the 27th, for you see the 26th of June would have been our 47th wedding anniversary. Again, one of my daughters came to the rescue and called more to tell me she, her husband and sons were taking me out to dinner, to the favorite restaurant of her dads. We usually went to eat there on our anniversary. I was okay with it, thought I might cry, but surprisingly I didn't. I cried when I was home alone and I still cry, though not as often.
After dinner, we all visited his grave. My daughter told me, just her dads body is resting here, she feels closer to him when she is feeding the birds and tending to her flowers, things he so enjoyed doing. She said, "mom, when I kissed and hugged dad, before they closed the casket, he was hard and cold. My dad was not a hard and cold person. that wasn't him". That comment has stuck with me, because it is so true.
We never truly get over losing them, but slowly learn to go on without them, keeping them tucked safely in our heart.
You have such courage and wonderful friends. That is also a true gift from God. Memories, we have to always cherish the memories, they are a gift no one can take away from us. Your husband was so blessed to have you in his life.
It is very hard going on without them, as we all know. I feel we are living the rest of our life with them always spiritually at our side, as is our God. We often feel alone, yet really we aren't. All of us on this site are here for each other also.
I will forever be grateful for this site. It gives me peace and encouragement.

Nov 10, 2012
by: June

Allison, what a wonderful idea. I am going to take your idea and have a lunch or dinner for my family on March 8, 2013. That will be the one year mark. I lost my dear husband, Mike, 8 months ago. I miss him so much. Mike would love this idea, he loved to eat and have family around him.
This is such a great website and it has helped me very much.
Thanks again for your idea.

Click here to add your own comments

Return to Lost Spouse/ True Love.

[?]Subscribe To This Site
  • follow us in feedly
  • Add to My Yahoo!
  • Add to My MSN
  • Subscribe with Bloglines

RSS Feed Widget


Tap into the compassion, support and wisdom of the


Essential Healing Guide

Grief Relief

Free Griefwork

Free Stress

SBI Video Tour!