I am sure that is what most of you are going to think of me because I seem to ramble on. Every time I post here I just want to say all of those things that no one else wants to hear. I have been told to get therapy. I have been told that I should move on. I have been told I should be over it. BUT HOW!!!
I lost Roger on July 19th 2010. It seems like only yesterday. All of the memories have come flooding back lately, He always took care of me and I always took care of him. The doctor said I had six months. I had a week. He was so animated that night. His sisters had come over and he was talking to them like old times. I wish they hadn't come because I wish I had him to myself that night. There was so much I wanted to say to him.
Our boys were visiting for the weekend and had left for the airport. My brother-in-law who is a doctor said he wouldn't make it through the night but I didn't believe him. Roger was tired but so awake and talking. The boys called from the airport and I told them what their uncle had said. They came right back. Roger's sister had left. and we all made a place in the living room to be near him. He didn't want to die in bed so I would be able to sleep there after he was gone. Hospice was coming the next day to set a bed up for him. He woke about 2 in the morning and we all got up with him. He layed back down, went to sleep and about 20 minutes later took his last breath.
I walked around in a fog for months, sometimes even thinking he would come through the door from work. But now I know he won't.
God I miss him so much, I love him with all of my heart. I need to talk to him. He was my rock. I could tell him anything and he would listen. Now no one listens. I could die Friday night and no one would know I was gone until I missed work on Monday.
How do you go on?
Sorry for rambling but I have no one else to say this to.