the Rambling Widow

by Janice
(Dallas, TX)

This is to write how I feel, you know if I knew that would be ok. I've written about the experience of the loss of my husband already. Only a short time has passed and I have had to retire move accross the country to my son's home and
I wish I knew what to put here to finish this sentence. I guess for me the anger has set in a little bit. Only problem is I am not angry at God, not angry at my husband just angry... Does anyone know what you do with that? I am trying to keep this grief train on the right track. It is awful, the worst thing I have ever faced in my life. I hate it. Maybe I am just angry at grief. Thats a thought.
But I know that grief if supposed to be my friend, so maybe I am feeling guilty for being angry with a friend. I had an anxiety attack the other day first one in my whole life. I know I'm not crazey I just sound crazey. I am writing because I thought maybe it would help me see something I am missing. I just want my husband back... Well I know that isn't going to happen. Thank you for the space to vent I think it helped.

Comments for the Rambling Widow

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Jan 15, 2014
Oh, Janice
by: Linda Foldvik

Oh, Janice! So many myths about grief! There is no 'track!' Unfortunately, you have to live through it! And the overwhelming grief just takes the time it takes. And that is different for all of us.
I have been a widow for over 6 years now! And I can tell you that there are no 'grief stages!' Gosh! How I hate those terms.
My dear Janice, it is okay to feel anger, and not know where or to whom the anger is directed. You are angry at life, at the circumstances you find yourself in, at the very real fact that right now so much of your life is out of your control.
The best advice I can give is to let yourself feel whatever it is that you feel and do not feel guilty about it! Right now, you are in **ll! and only you can work through it in your own way.
Hang in there and try to do something fun and/or relaxing every day, if only for a few moments. I have found solace in journal-ling, and in crocheting.
Take care of yourself and know that you will get through this!

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