The second worst day of my life

The first worst day of my life was on 26 March this year when I called round to see if my mum wanted any shopping and I found her dead in her chair. She just looked as though she was asleep. I had to ring the emergency services who had to break in, then wait for the undertaker to take her away. She had been fine the previous day although had said she had a little bit of indigestion. Since then I have cried every day.

The second worst day of my life was last Friday 24 May when my daughter and I travelled up to Liverpool to place her ashes with my fathers. My brother was no support at all as he said it was too upsetting for him to make the journey, although he finds it ok to come round to her bungalow to sort things out ie. probate and then the proposed sale. The priest said some nice things and some elderly relatives turned up but I felt the loss of my brothers support tremendously.

Since then I am so depressed, I miss mum, I saw her every day and she was my best friend, I often wonder how I can go on without her, although I realise I have no choice. I worry about my daughter who has been a tower of strength but is not letting out her emotions.

I Have my faith and hope one day I will see my mum again but my heart is broken and I am trying to be strong. My daughter keeps saying mum is in a better place, that may be so but I want her back. I may try counselling but can anyone help ie does this pain get better and does it really help to join groups.

Comments for The second worst day of my life

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Jun 05, 2013
taken too soon
by: Anonymous

my own mother died on the 29th of march 2013, she died in hospital after hiding her symptoms of heart trouble from her family, it came has a shock to us when out of the blue she was ill and died. life goes on around you but you'd like it too stop for a while to let you catch up. The week leading up to her death i did her shopping - it was normal, looking back now i think a part of her knew it was the end, she'd had enough.For me that's a tough one to accept has its like we were not enough for her to live for. My mum had been let down a lot - but i thought she had turned a corner
Her eldest son did not attend the funeral but i was comforted by the good turnout she received. After a week or so it feels like life's moved on. You feel guilt at smiling and being happy, but i know she would be smiling too
wherever she is now i have faith shes happy.

May 27, 2013
I CAN FEEL YOUR PAIN
by: Linda Keown, Harare, Zimbabwe

I am so very sorry for your loss. What a terrible experience to find your mom like that. My mother lived with me for 6 years and I took care of her. My mother was suffering from Atrial Fibrillation and was taking lots of meds to keep her alive. My family too have suffered great losses - my father on 29.4.90 he was only 58 years old - my sister on 18.2.07 she was only 43 years old - my brother on 8.5.09 he was only 49 years old - and now my mother on 5.4.13 so unexpectedly while we were on holiday in Johannesburg. This loss has been the most unbearable for me - I was so close to my mother and told her everything - she was my best friend. I am divorced so my mother was MY pillar of strength. Just like you I saw my mother ever day and made sure she was okay and taking her meds. My mother had been a little bit unwell before we left to go to Johannesburg on 3.4.13 but, I had taken her to the doctor and after the IVs she was given she felt so much better. Little did I know it was a lot more sinister - when she passed away in hospital in Johannesburg the doctor's report said suspected Ischaemic Bowel with a possible early perforation. I cant tell you the guilt I am going through thinking if we didnt go maybe she would still be here and I keep thinking the flight made things worse.

I have a 17 year old daughter who is also my tower of strength and she too is not letting out her emotions and it does worry me. I am having counselling twice a week which is so much help because all I want to do is just talk about my mother and express this grief that I am going through. I miss my mother more than words can say and I too believe we will be together one day.

Try and see if you can get counselling for yourself and your daughter - talking and just letting your emotions flow is so healthy - I really do recommend that. I have decided that my daughter will also go for counselling because I am worried about how this will effect her later on in life.

There were three of us living happily together - we went away on holiday and only two of us returned - I returned with my mother's ashes.

Please go for counselling its amazing it will really help you I promise.

Wishing you all the best.

May 26, 2013
The second worst day of my life
by: Doreen U.K.

I am sorry for your loss of your mum to a sudden death. Which makes grief that much harder because you didn't have time to tell her all the things you wanted to say.
It is never easy to lose a mother as she is such an integral part in the family and almost everyone looks up to her and depends on her. I am a mum to 3 Adult children and they will have to face this same sorrow when I leave them. Death makes one vulnerable to other losses within the family and even to one's own mortality. Dying is never an easy subject to talk about. Life is meant for enjoying and even though death will come to all of us. Who really wants to deal with this. When the parents reach their 60's is the time they start thinking of making out a Will and also to tidy up their affairs. there is so much to deal with it is never ending.
I lost my husband of 44yrs. to cancer 1yr. ago and I have just finished tidying up all the paperwork especially as the Social benefits in England have changed and my husband just got his pension and it was taken back. Then the tax man still hounding me for tax as if my husband is alive. It was all too much I sent an email to my MP and got him to help me with this.
If your brother was more supportive to you this would make things easier for you. It is when a close family member dies that you find out who your real supporters are. We all have them in our families. I have this too. But my 3 sisters and brother-in-laws and daughter and son-in-law have given me the best support ever. I don't know what I would have done without this. It does help.
Grief is different for everyone and depends on the bond you had with your mum. Sometimes grief can be frozen and when you start thawing out you feel the pain more. Also denial can set in and make grief longer and delayed. It is never a bad idea to join a group or even go to CRUSE for some bereavement counselling. I have done both and find this very healing. You will be with people who will know and understand how you feel even if everyone is at a different stage in their grief. No one should ever tell you when and how to grieve. You will cry often in places you wish didn't happen. I could be in the bank, or the bus, or walking on the street and the tears will come. Any memory, song, or favourite food of your mum's could trigger off emotion and pain. This is normal. You are with like minded people. I hope that your daughter will be able to grieve also and that you will both be a good support to each other. Death brings family members together and also drive some away. Those people you thought you could rely on become unreliable. Don't be surprised. A death can trigger off all sorts of difficulties but they soon pass in time when everyone is able to process what has happened. Difficulties come in life. But they pass also in time. They don't last. It is just so painful we have to go THROUGH them. May you be comforted in your grief.

May 26, 2013
The second worst day of my life
by: Anglhrt

Sweet one... the missing them never gets better but it will get easier with time. Having lost a soul mate in July 2000 and recently my mother March 5, 2013 I know that missing them will never go away. We come to terms with our loss and YES, group support is wonderful!! Having folks to talk with that understand and are there to support you makes all the difference in the world.

I know that they want us to go on and my faith tells me I will see them again. But in the meantime it is my job to try and find the joy in life again, enjoy my family, make them proud of who I have become. The only true item we leave for other when it's our turn to go home is the legacy we leave behind.

Prayers for the healing of all our hearts and the strength to persevere in our journey forward.

Blessings!!

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