The sudden death of my Sean Patrick has rocked my world
by Carol , Seans mom
Hello, It is Carol,Seans mom. I have written alot before.My hansome 24 year old son died suddenly on November 15,2011. Well it was November 13,2011 when he did not get up for work so really that was the last day I talked to him. He never regained contiousness. We never got to say goodbye and know he heard us. We never got to tell him one more time how much we love him. Sean's death has rocked my world. I do try my best to be a good mom to his two younger sisters. They struggle also. His dad and I aren't together but I know he struggles to. None of us can even believe it over six months later. I keep hoping I will wake up from this nightmare. Reactions from others has been shocking. So many supporters at the beginning and then it as if life went on for everyone and thats ok but they all just think we are ok also. That will never be. How do you lose part of who you are and be ok. I lived to be a mom. It was what I always wanted to do. Now one third of my life is gone. Just gone. No notice. Then life expects us to just go on and be ok. I go to work. I do what I need to for my girls. I am now a very tired weak 49 year old woman. I was once happy positive and I believed anything was possible. I taught my children that being positive was important. If you are positive ,good things will come. Well that did not work out well for my life. I am left with a crushed heart and a huge hole in my soul. These days I am searching for some peace. I try to believe after we die our bodies and mind are at peace. I wonder if I am doing that just to try to feel better and even if that is the case,ok,I need to feel a litte better. I struggle with watching others be happy. That use to be me. I can't stand when people complain about their children, Wish I could. My perspective on life has changed. I hope I can keep on my brave face for my girls. They are good girls who deserved their strong mom. Why are some of us put threw such hell? Why? I ask that all the time now. I miss my son more than their are words. I miss everything about him. I can't believe in the blink of an eye he is gone and never coming back. Is he ok? I worry everyday about him. I can't believe I have to miss my hansome young man for the rest of my life. This feeling is very dark. I hope someday my mind and heart find some peace. How can I though when my beautiful boy was taken with no notice and I didn't even get that last Goodbye.!