The Sun does shine.....still.
by Jessica Herrmann
I have written many notes, stories, pain, and now a sense of order on this site. This will be my 2nd Christmas without John. My wonderful husband of 14 years. He was called to GOD on May 13th 2009. It was sudden, and so unexpected. Massive Blood Clot that took out his heart, I unfortunately had to make the choice of keeping him on the machines, or letting him go.
For a very long time I had questions...."did I let him go too soon?" "Did he just need more time to fight?" and many other questions. But, I have to say, I have sat and thought many nights...along with crying my eyes out. John would have never come out of the issues he was having. His body was shutting down, he was on 100% life support at the end. I could not and would not ask him to stay for me. His quality of life was not going to be much, so why ask him? HE would have hated me, for asking him to stay in that condition.
He never was a man who like loafing around the house, he was old school. A man worked to take care of his family. There were no excuses. There is comfort in this revalation. I did right by John...I gave him to GOD and peace. I did not stop the life support for anyone but him. I can say that with certainty.....almost 19 months later. Yes, there is pain, there always will be I believe, until the day we meet again. But there will be that day.
Until then, I will live life, I will laugh, I will love again. In time. I will honor him by moving on and living my life. That is what he would want, and that is what he taught me. So, for all of you that are just beginning. There is a reason....I know your pain. I know your despair...but live with their love in your heart, because that will NEVER leave you.