The Sundden Loss of My Fiance after 20 years

by Chandra

I never knew pain like this. I've lost my dad, all my grandparents, aunts, uncles, and my beloved big brother, and I thought I have felt pain. But now my fiance'/best friend, and I'm only 38! That's not old, is it? I met Terrence in 1996 right after I graduated high school. Terrence was my first "grown-up relationship". We had a wonderful time together. He had never really been the sick type so when he came down with what we thought was the flu, was not the norm. But this of course was winter so flu comes with the territory. However this flu stayed around. I've made multiple doctor appointmets over ther years and he would never go. This time he went but the doctor sent him straight to the hospital for dehydration. He gets 2 bags of fluids and was sent home. Next day we go back to the ER because all the fluid has backed up into his abdomen, but yet, he says he's in no pain...until we get home that evening. I then take him back the next morning to the ER the doctors run tests and came back and told us his liver didn't look good, but it was still fuctioning. They keep him for further testing. They came back with LIVER CANCER!! I'm in shock but still optimistic, as i should be, but the look on Terrence face told me something different. Even though he didn't express it to me through words,I knew somehow he knew it was more serious than I thought. We end up staying for 2-3 weeks he spent his 41st birthday in there getting poked and prodded day in and day out, getting procedure after procedure to drain his stomach and to get a liver biopsy. My baby was a trooper and the strongest man I knew. Terrence gave a heroic fight, but this liver cancer had spreaded and my hero was tired on January 27th Terrence died at 2:53pm and my spirit died too. All I kept thinking is NO WAY, we have a 7 year old little girl and she needs him too, he would never leave us. Sadly he did and I can't breathe somedays from the grief. I don't want to do anything. but I know I have to be strong for our little girl, even though I think she's the strong one. I was left to pay for his entire funeral by surprise. I use all of our savings, sold both our cars, and was blessed with donations from friends and family. I'm completely in SHOCK do I go on somedays I feel like this will be the day I have a nervous breakdown. I dont like being scared, and to tell you the truth I'm not the easily scared girl, but I am. I keep praying daily and it's working, I have to keep my faith because it's all I have.

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Jun 07, 2014
Deepest sympathy
by: Lawrence

Hi Chandra,
There is no pain as bad, as when you lose the love of your life, it cuts into you like a knife and the grief is overwhelming and almost impossible to bear, yet life goes on, the sun comes up in the morning and sets as it always does, people are laughing and kissing which is unbearable to watch., and if you are anything like me triggers off buckets of tears and one can’t understand why nothing seems to have changed, except our lives...
You ask “HOW DOES ONE GO ON” well we do because truthfully there is no alternative, we have to,, you for your lovely daughter and also for Terence who would hate to see you suffering and grieving so badly.
Everybody on this web site has gone, or is going through the same agonizing feeling of emptiness and loneliness without a beloved partner.
I lost a deeply cherished wife on Christmas day 2012 after an exquisite seventy years together, and my heart is still in pieces and I cry at almost anything and yet, I am sending you this comment to show that as the weeks and months pass, the tears will ease as realization dawns that he really has gone.
I never ever thought I would be writing this to you, when all I wanted to do was to be with her, but its eighteen months since she died in my arms and I frantically fill my days with activities to keep my mind from dwelling on my sadness. and loneliness.
You may ask, am I succeeding, truthfully No and I never will, but I am trying.
I am an old man, whereas you have the bulk of your life yet to live so, Chandra, cry and cry your tears until your body tells you ENOUGH as it will, and then start making your first faltering steps to life without Terence, it won’t be easy but as I said at the beginning, “there is no alternative”.
Seek help wherever you can, Doctor, Church, family, counselling, but don’t face this nightmare alone.
With deepest sympathy.

Jun 03, 2014
The Sudden Loss of My Faince after 20 years.
by: Doreen UK

Chandra I am so sorry for all your immense family losses in your life at such a young age. 38yrs. is still young and you must be deeply wounded by your losses. I urge you to get some counselling to help you cope with this heavy burden of grief. Sometimes it is not wise to think we will cope with such heavy loss when you can have the edge taken off the raw grief pain. This pain is like nothing you will ever experience in life.
I lost my husband of 44yrs. to a deadly cancer 2yrs. ago, and I nursed him for 3yrs39days before I lost him. It was a horrendous cancer journey. This is the worst loss of my life. This is quite a scary place to be when you are the one left with immense responsibilities and have to bring your daughter up on your own. Try and get some support otherwise you will have a nervous breakdown. If I didn't have the support I did get from my family I would have crumbled. I couldn't function for the first 6 months. I am still finding it difficult 2yrs. later. If I didn't believe in God and have such a strong Faith I would not be able to cope. God is our Creator and knows how we feel. He is also our Healer. Best way forward is ONE DAY AT A TIME. May God Comfort you in your grief and give you His Peace.

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