The Sundden Loss of My Fiance after 20 years
I never knew pain like this. I've lost my dad, all my grandparents, aunts, uncles, and my beloved big brother, and I thought I have felt pain. But now my fiance'/best friend, and I'm only 38! That's not old, is it? I met Terrence in 1996 right after I graduated high school. Terrence was my first "grown-up relationship". We had a wonderful time together. He had never really been the sick type so when he came down with what we thought was the flu, was not the norm. But this of course was winter so flu comes with the territory. However this flu stayed around. I've made multiple doctor appointmets over ther years and he would never go. This time he went but the doctor sent him straight to the hospital for dehydration. He gets 2 bags of fluids and was sent home. Next day we go back to the ER because all the fluid has backed up into his abdomen, but yet, he says he's in no pain...until we get home that evening. I then take him back the next morning to the ER the doctors run tests and came back and told us his liver didn't look good, but it was still fuctioning. They keep him for further testing. They came back with LIVER CANCER!! I'm in shock but still optimistic, as i should be, but the look on Terrence face told me something different. Even though he didn't express it to me through words,I knew somehow he knew it was more serious than I thought. We end up staying for 2-3 weeks he spent his 41st birthday in there getting poked and prodded day in and day out, getting procedure after procedure to drain his stomach and to get a liver biopsy. My baby was a trooper and the strongest man I knew. Terrence gave a heroic fight, but this liver cancer had spreaded and my hero was tired on January 27th Terrence died at 2:53pm and my spirit died too. All I kept thinking is NO WAY, we have a 7 year old little girl and she needs him too, he would never leave us. Sadly he did and I can't breathe somedays from the grief. I don't want to do anything. but I know I have to be strong for our little girl, even though I think she's the strong one. I was left to pay for his entire funeral by surprise. I use all of our savings, sold both our cars, and was blessed with donations from friends and family. I'm completely in SHOCK still....how do I go on somedays I feel like this will be the day I have a nervous breakdown. I dont like being scared, and to tell you the truth I'm not the easily scared girl, but I am. I keep praying daily and it's working, I have to keep my faith because it's all I have.