The way she's gone

by Savannah Elise shelton
(Tucson Arizona )

My mom died last month and I'm 14. My parents got divorced about 2 years ago and it was violent and there was a lot of alcohol and yelling involved. My mom kind of left when that happened; meaning she wasn't herself and she didn't talk to me so I stayed at my dads for 2 years with a few exceptions. There was a custody battle and I convinced my mom to let me go with my dad to Tucson ( she would still live in flagstaff ). And a week after I moved my mom called me at 9:57 pm but I didn't answer because I didn't want to talk to her and a few minutes later I got news that she had died. She killed herself in her hot tub and she called me to say goodbye but I didn't answer and it kills me inside. I feel like I shouldn't be here cuz I was so mean to my mother and took advantage of her and screwed her happiness. Please help me I can't take this

Comments for The way she's gone

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Oct 05, 2014
hugs for you
by: carina

Sending you a huge hug.maybe write mum a letter , say everything you wish you had, start a journal? There is nothing I can say that will take away the emotions and processes you are going through. Please be kind to yourself because this is not your fault. We have the what if's and if only's but some how and oneday we will be able to let those go. I came home from work 2 weeks ago and fund a pure white feather on my floor. My home is locked up all day. I know in my heart my 23 and 31 yr old daughters are with me. Believe in something if it helps, god, angels, universe. Love and light x
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ed note: This blog has been transitioned to a great new Forum with private messaging. Please check it out by hitting the "The Grief Club" button on the left. You can even resubmit your post there for fresh advice. Thanks so much!
Jennie

Sep 28, 2014
Hi Savannah, I need your help!
by: Jennie

Please click on "The Grief Club" button on the left for access to the new Forum. We want to keep this great online grief resource going and need your help! Please re-post this or put a new submission there. All your friends are waiting...
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Hi Judith from California, Pat from Green Bay, and Anonymous MI:

Could you please contact me via "Contact Us" button to the left? I need your help for the transition. Thanks so much!
Jennie

Sep 15, 2014
The way she's gone
by: Doreen UK

Savannah you are a 14yrs. old girl who is behaving just she is supposed to. You had the difficulty for being in a family that were separating through divorce and you were torn between your mom and dad. You were unfortunately caught in the crossfire between your two adult parents and you became the casualty of such a bitter custody battle.
You didn't know your mother would die. You quite naturally did not answer the phone because you were angry. You need to forgive yourself for your guilt of not answering the phone. Many of us do this when we are angry. WE can't talk and our anger would spill over making it worse to talk to the person on the other end of the phone. You did nothing wrong. You need to now grieve for losing your mom and put everything into some perspective to help you move forward better. You can also see a school counsellor for on going support and guidance. You can move past this tragedy and in time your life will become normal again. Start building yourself up and your network of friends who will be invaluable to you at this time. Build a better relationship up with your dad as you still need nurturing.

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