The worst day of my life, the day my Dad died
My Dad died suddenly on Dec 4 2012. I can’t believe it has been over a month because sometimes the pain feels like it was yesterday. He was 64 and I’m 28. He had a heart attack in March 2012 which led to open heart surgery. He was doing really well, looked good and felt good. One day I went to my parents and my Dad told me he had not been feeling too great, that it wasn’t the same feelings as the heart attack but he wanted to go to the hospital just to be safe. I took him to the emergency room and they admitted him right away because of his heart history. The doctors did not seem like too much was wrong with my Dad except he had a little of an abnormal heart beat but they would do test in morning. I did not know it was serious so when they said he was staying overnight I decided to leave. The next day my dad went in to see if he needed a stint in his arteries but things did not go well. The doctor was able to put a stint in two of his arteries but when he went to do the third it burst causing fluid around his heart. Since he had the open heart surgery it was much worse. My Dad went into cardiac arrest but they were able to bring him back but did not know if he lost brain function or not. This was around 1pm and we went back and forth with the doctors all day. They were going to try surgery but they said his chances of making it were not good. Then they said that they couldn’t take him to surgery because he was bleeding internally. They also told us that we would wait to see if when he woke up (they gave us hope) if he would have brain activity. There was so much back and forth all day until we were told that there was nothing more they could do. We were able to see him a few times but he was non responsive. At one point I was so upset the doctor had to hold me and tell me to let it out and tell my Dad how I feel. It was so hard because there were so many people working on him and so many machines. It was not how I wanted to say goodbye. I knew I had to but I just didn’t want to believe it. The worst part is that the doctor told us it was his fault that he did not have to do the third artery but he chose to because he thought my dad could handle it. I have so much anger and guilt and sadness it’s so hard to deal with. My Dad was a good man. He was raising my nephew along with my mom because my sister left years ago. He and my nephew were so close, he was like his father. My nephew is 11 and I get so sad thinking about my nephew growing up without my Dad and forgetting about him. My Dad would always listen to me and I felt like I could tell him almost anything. I feel guilty because I did not tell him I loved him when I left the hospital the night before he died. I think about all the things my Dad will miss; if I get married, have kids. I feel these moments and so many more be never be truly happy because my Dad is not here. I get sad all throughout the day. I am still traumatized by that day and will never forget it.