Then and now

by M Mack

Tomorrow will be 3 years and 1 month since I lost the love of my life. Tonight I'm reflecting on how I have progressed as I read your posts after a long break. I don't comment, just reflect on all the pain and support for those who are new to the loss of a loved one. I can tell you that the time passes with good days and bad and your grieving is individual. I then began reading my old posts and only then did I see how much I have moved forward. I cry less and laugh more and found ambition that's been lost. I also realized how much I held on to the warm and kind responses of those also going through the same stages as I was. This site has taken me through the journey of my darkest hours and out the other end. Although you never forget the love you lost, you will breath again. To everyone who is guided and comforted here on this site, I wish you well and that your recovery will come in due time as mine has. I will always love my Raymond the love of my life. God Speed to all those new and old to grief.

Comments for Then and now

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Aug 30, 2013
Thank you
by: Anonymous

Thank you for your kind and encouraging words. I am glad to hear that you are healing. I am 8 months into my grief, I lost my father suddenly. I worry about my mother...they were together almost 50 years. It has been a very sad and difficult journey, and I am so grateful to have found this site. I visit it daily, and the support here has been a saving grace for me. I am so thankful to everybody who reads, posts, but most importantly....understands. May you continue to find peace.

Aug 25, 2013
Miss you darling
by: Doreen U.K.

Hi Jim I wrote to you some time ago. It was good hearing from you again in this post to M. Mack. If I am right you live in Northampton England. I lived there in the 80's when we returned from Canada. I am originally from Scotland but loved life in England so we came back home.
I am sorry to hear how you are still struggling with the loss of your beloved Anne. I lost my husband Steve coming up to 16 months now and it has gotten easier but also just like you. I don't know what I want out of life. I take one day at a time and just let it unfold. What we need is to have a FOCUS. Find out what interests you and give it a shot. I have enjoyed gardening this year and had the best garden ever in 45yrs. Wish my husband could have seen it now. All done for him. I look at the garden now and SMILE and think of my beloved husband STEVE. I am now going to focus on nutrition and doing research on the internet and going to start a raw food diet. This will please my daughter as she is a personal trainer/gym instructor and wants to open up her own gym so I guess this will go hand in hand. But yes Jim the days are still lonely. I am thinking especially of this weekend being Bank Holiday. How we looked forward to this time of the year. Notting Hill Carnival. Not that I go, but just to know people are having fun makes me happy. I don't want others to feel like we do having lost our loved one's. It is a painful place to be. We will find ourselves crying often when we don't want to. I also like you have to hide my tears from my daughter. Jim nice talking to you. I hope life does get better for you and you do find your niche in life again and find the happiness you deserve. It will never be the same. Best wishes. If ever you feel like a chat my email is

Aug 24, 2013
Thank You
by: Alan

M Mack, Thank You so much for caring enough to take the time to post your beautiful thoughts, some days it seems hope is all we have to cling to. May we all find the strength and courage you've shown us.
Thanks again.

Aug 24, 2013
Miss you darling
by: Jim Northamptonshire

It will be two years next month since my wife Ann passed away I have come a long way since then but sometimes I think will it ever be good again. I come on this site every week but have only made two comments. I went shopping with my daughter today and about an hour before she came to collect me I burst into tears, my eyes were still red when she came I said I had a cold which I have but she asked if I had been crying and I said yes but don't ask why, I think she understood why. I still talk to my wifes picture and tell her what sort of day I have had at work and what I am having for my dinner. I have just stopped sleeping with Anns nighty next to me in bed but still keep it under her pillow. We were married for 37 years and she was my only love. I don't know what I want from life I want my Ann back but know that can never be. I go from day to day hoping that something good will come but feel I will wait for ever.Perhaps the next year will be better but we will have to wait and see, but to all of you who have just started this journey time does heal you just have to be patient and take one day at a time.

Aug 24, 2013
Then and now
by: silver

I totally agree with you.That's partially why I still read and comment on some of the stories.I have been there and want them to know that there are those of us who have been there and know how they feel.I hit my lowest point at the 15 month mark after my husband's death.I am "waking up" in the last few months.I still have the occasional trigger and cry but not as often or as long or as hard.I have some wonderful memories and they are getting stronger as time goes on.I let a lot of things go at first but I'm now setting them right.Like you, this site has been my saving grace.It really helps to be able to vent and have the knowledge that no one tells you to,"get on with life,it's been long enough".GOD send you all strength to move onward and peace.I keep all of you in my prayers

Aug 24, 2013
then and now
by: Anonymous---MI

M Mack---thank you for taking time to give a bit of hope and encouragement to others. I am only 9 months on this journey of grief. My husband, the love of my life, died suddenly Nov 2012---my life stopped and the lives of my children and grandchildren have been so wounded. We lost the best and most loving man we have ever known. This grief has made me lose confidence in some ways and yet it has made me stronger in new ways. It has made me bitter, guilty, and resentful at times but also it has made me draw closer to Jesus Christ, my Saviour, and try to do His will as I look to Him for comfort and mercy. Grief has changed my life and the happy fun times with our family has subsided but I hope and pray for joy to be ours once again. Grief has made me know that when we cry buckets of tears there are still oceans of them yet to be cried but I have seen and felt how tears are God's release like the calm after the storm. I have to look to God to get through the hours and I know that He will help me and my children in His time. God Bless you and all who post on this site.

Aug 23, 2013
i say grace and faver
by: betty music faian

M Mack it's so nice to hear from one coming from ''grief'' to living one day at a time,i understand that point;for i too have done this.GRIEF stops us from knowing that time will heal and it want let us see the happy things about our love one's;for GRIEF if we let it puts us in prison with our think you as well sir for letting others know it can be done!with love in God =God bless you!

Aug 23, 2013
Then and Now
by: Mari

Hi M Mack. That was a very encouraging message and I am glad you are doing better. It sure has been a difficult journey but God has helped us through. For me it will be 4 years on Nov 22 that my husband went to be with the Lord. The first 2 years were the worst and gradually with time I am doing pretty well. I work and attend church and stay busy.
My grandchildren missed him very much. They are growing up now and they think of him often.. He sure loved his grandchildren.
I realize how awful the first years can be. I wondered if things would ever get better but they have. Healing takes time. Your message was uplifting and a blessing to many. Take care. Mari

Aug 23, 2013
Then and Now
by: Doreen U.K.

M Mack. Thank you for your lovely update post on where you are now from your stages of grief. I am so happy for you having done the grief journey and now seen how far you have come and how your life has now evolved from where it was 3yrs. ago. We all know how awful the early stages of grief are and what it has done to our lives from losing the most precious person from our world.
Grief has to have it's day. Grief never lasts more than it has to. Grief is a process that unfolds and allows us to Heal from our loss if we will only give our grief RESPECT and let it pass through us.
But it is always good to hear how other's have progressed and moved forward and got their life back. It does give HOPE to all of us on our journey. Our grief journey will continue but it won't be as painful as it was at the beginning.
I wish you continuing success and every happiness in life. Best wishes.

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