There are no words
by Amanda Shreve
(Roanoke, Illinois )
dad with a fish
There are no words for the deep anguish one feels when their father dies. I'm 28 & it feels like someone threw my heart at a brick wall. Fortunately, I am married & have love & support, my dad was there to walk me down the aisle a few years ago. I could have never done it without him cause of all the nerves. I'm an only child so I was always the apple of my dad's eye. He always made me feel so special & loved. It's really hard without him. He died suddenly near Christmas of '11. I still have his ashes & will be burying him in the spring. One of the hardest parts is not being able to go visit him at his home, my safe haven from the world. My dad was a stable support for me. I always felt like everything would be okay when he was living. Now uncertainty & loneliness haunt me. No one can take his place.
More about my dad. He was mentally disabled & worked for a community center for disabled people for over 40 years. He met my mom there also disabled & they got married in 1977. I was born in 1983, healthy without any disabilities. My dad enjoyed to fish & bowl. He was more of a homebody & liked to watch TV Land, wrestling, or a St. Louis Cardinals game. I now live in the hometown where he grew up & live by the cemetery, where he will be buried. I guess it's a blessing to live so close, but also a constant reminder that my greatest love is gone.