There are no words

by Amanda Shreve
(Roanoke, Illinois )

dad with a fish

dad with a fish

There are no words for the deep anguish one feels when their father dies. I'm 28 & it feels like someone threw my heart at a brick wall. Fortunately, I am married & have love & support, my dad was there to walk me down the aisle a few years ago. I could have never done it without him cause of all the nerves. I'm an only child so I was always the apple of my dad's eye. He always made me feel so special & loved. It's really hard without him. He died suddenly near Christmas of '11. I still have his ashes & will be burying him in the spring. One of the hardest parts is not being able to go visit him at his home, my safe haven from the world. My dad was a stable support for me. I always felt like everything would be okay when he was living. Now uncertainty & loneliness haunt me. No one can take his place.

More about my dad. He was mentally disabled & worked for a community center for disabled people for over 40 years. He met my mom there also disabled & they got married in 1977. I was born in 1983, healthy without any disabilities. My dad enjoyed to fish & bowl. He was more of a homebody & liked to watch TV Land, wrestling, or a St. Louis Cardinals game. I now live in the hometown where he grew up & live by the cemetery, where he will be buried. I guess it's a blessing to live so close, but also a constant reminder that my greatest love is gone.

Comments for There are no words

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Mar 04, 2012
so lost without dad
by: Anonymous

hello im 27 and my dad died just over 3 weeks ago he had only turned 49
i feel so lost without him as we done everything together, we were planning to go back to college in september
i dont know what i should be doing anymore im so angry at him that hes gone and left me here i keep thinking he will walk into the house or text me im trying to keep an eye on my 15yr old brother as me him and dad were the closest out of are big family
dad didnt want to go he was so scared it was horriable his face as he took his final breath will stay with me forever
i just dont know what to do whats right or wrong i just want him back, its so hard to even breath without him, i feel so numb like im on autopoilt i prob sound childish but all i want is for him to walk to the door and give me a big bear hug.
i thinik the best way to to decribe it would be sitting in the middle of the sea with the waves crashing round me and i dont know what to do next its so hard to figure when the pain is gonna hit me and i try to be out of the way of others as idont want people to see me like that i just dont know which way is up anymore is this normal

Feb 11, 2012
I understand
by: Anonymous

Hi,
I just lost my dad 3 weeks ago, he died suddenly too. Sounds like you were blessed as I was to have such a wonderful father. I was the only girl in a family filled with brothers and dad was my rock too. I know what you mean when you say that your dad made you feel safe. It was that way for me and my dad.

I find myself talking to him and in my mind it feels like a can hear him talking back. I know him so well I know what he would say. I try to console myself with the realization that I had such a wonderful dad and that that is not always the case for some people. Don't how much it is helping right now but I'll just telling myself that.

It is good that we have love and support, you have your husband, I have my brothers and children. Even though it won't bring our Wonderful Dads back it helps be able to talk to someone as much as we need too. I wish you peace and healing. May the wonderful memories comfort as time goes on. The ones we love live on in our hearts and the love never dies.

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