There Are No Words
(East Brunswick, NJ)
On July 15, 2013, My son,David, called me on my cell phone to let me know something was wrong and I needed to take him to the hospital. I live 40 minutes away from him. He had not been feeling well for a few weeks but nothing that we thought was life threatening. I got to his apartment 50 minutes later and knocked on the door, he did not answer, I did not have a key. I got the super to open the door and there was David, 42 years old dead, pronounced so by EMT who arrived within 5 minutes. It was ruled a heart attack.
David was my only biological child. I was a single parent for 9 years before I remarried. Dan, my husband, became his father.
I went through the rituals of the wake and funeral, greeting over 500 people, as David was a football coach and teacher. I even gave a speech at the luncheon, everyone marveled at my composure.
Then when we got back to our new normal I began becoming agitated and short tempered in all situations, and then the crying began, and every day I cry the ugly cry, for what I have lost.
We thought we knew David but people greeted us with stories of how he changed their lives or added to it. People are still mourning his death and missing him on Facebook.
I believe there will come a time, soon, when I can push counting the number of months he has been gone, and concentrate on the 42 years he was my son and my buddy, I am not there yet.
The title of this is There Are No Words, when people were at a loss as to what to say, that was my response. David's favorite time of the year was Christman, my husband and I will find some way to give back, in David's name. It will help us heal.