There Are No Words

by Diane
(East Brunswick, NJ)

On July 15, 2013, My son,David, called me on my cell phone to let me know something was wrong and I needed to take him to the hospital. I live 40 minutes away from him. He had not been feeling well for a few weeks but nothing that we thought was life threatening. I got to his apartment 50 minutes later and knocked on the door, he did not answer, I did not have a key. I got the super to open the door and there was David, 42 years old dead, pronounced so by EMT who arrived within 5 minutes. It was ruled a heart attack.
David was my only biological child. I was a single parent for 9 years before I remarried. Dan, my husband, became his father.
I went through the rituals of the wake and funeral, greeting over 500 people, as David was a football coach and teacher. I even gave a speech at the luncheon, everyone marveled at my composure.
Then when we got back to our new normal I began becoming agitated and short tempered in all situations, and then the crying began, and every day I cry the ugly cry, for what I have lost.
We thought we knew David but people greeted us with stories of how he changed their lives or added to it. People are still mourning his death and missing him on Facebook.
I believe there will come a time, soon, when I can push counting the number of months he has been gone, and concentrate on the 42 years he was my son and my buddy, I am not there yet.
The title of this is There Are No Words, when people were at a loss as to what to say, that was my response. David's favorite time of the year was Christman, my husband and I will find some way to give back, in David's name. It will help us heal.

Comments for There Are No Words

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Feb 18, 2014
How to heal
by: Anonymous

Diane you describe this experience so well. My son died on January 8th. So many people commented on how strong I was during the funeral, but now I can barely struggle through a day at work. I have been told I need to take the time to heal. Will we ever heal?

Nov 14, 2013
There Are No Words
by: Doreen UK

Diane I am so sorry for your loss of your only son David to a sudden death. You may be numb at the moment and not able to process David's death. I believe these are our shock absorbers. No one can ever anticipate what losing a loved one is like till they go through this. You have lost an Adult Child and this is the worst experience a mother can go through. The crying you feel is the greatest part of grief and is where our healing comes from so don't stop the tears till they stop, in time. This will be such a hard Christmas for you and your husband. Even though David was living an independent life he was still in your world. Don't be concerned about trying to get over David's death because that is what society would let us believe. These are people who have never faced loss will say this. You never get over the loss of someone close especially a child/adult child. You just learn to live with your loss in time.
I lost my husband of 44yrs. 18 months ago to a deadly cancer and I can still only take one day at a time and this has been my saving. I am stuck in this mode and can't think beyond this day. When the new day arrives then I tackle it as I go along. No one can invite me for Christmas because I can't think beyond today. Life has got stuck, but I am coping this way. I also nurture myself as this is one of the best ways to heal from grief each day. Lots of love, and tenderness to one's self at this time is such a good thing to do. Try it.
David touched so many lives and he seemed to have left his print on people's hearts. This will help you through your grief. I have a son of 44yrs. so I know how I would feel If I lost him even though he is not in my world. He left after his father died, and never returned. I still have my son's EX in my life and my son's wife does not like this even though I said I have enough love for everyone. My son's EX is so special to me. She suffers with depression and I support her with this and as a daughter. She will always be in my world. She calls me Mom and I love her. I have 2 other daughters and 2 baby grandchildren my husband will never enjoy, and I feel very sad about this a lot. God blesses us with people who come and go in our life and touches us in a special way. My husband was one of them, and I guess David was to you. I have a strong Faith in God and I know I will see my husband again and this gives me the Hope to carry on living each day. May God heal your heart and your sorrow and comfort you with His Peace.

Nov 13, 2013
I share your pain.
by: Sharon

Diane, I am so sorry for the loss of your son David. Nothing will ever be as difficult as what you are living through at this moment. May it be of some comfort to know that there are many of us who care and also grieve right along beside you. I lost my only son, Rodney, on September 21, 2911 and my life will never be the same. I still cry for him every night in the lonely darkness. I will say prayers for you because I know in my broken heart, God is the only One who can help us to heal. ~Sharon

Nov 12, 2013
No words
by: Kate

You are right no words can mend this sorrow. I lost my 39 year old son 1 year ago the 17 this month. I know not how I have gone on. My heart is with each of you because I understand and know the horrid path of shock pain sorrow devastation and loss. We all understand one another sad to say.

Nov 12, 2013
There are no words
by: Elaine

so sorry to hear of your loss. I to lost my son 7wks ago and by God it hurts.he was telling hospital and going to his gp and saying his blood presure was far too high 147/77 159/80 but no one listened to him I went away for sept week end for my 50th with friends and got the call on the sat morning my Gary was found dead that run from berwick on tweed was a forever ending journey. Gary was telling them he had pains in his chest sore heads seeing black dots feeling clammy and sweatie. Gary was 31

Nov 11, 2013
by: dianne

I had to reply as I also am a single mum I am so sorry for your loss of david I also lost my son paul age 21 on july 11th this year it was early hours Thursday morning that I had a call sayin something was wrong I was there within ten minutes but my son had already gone I still await to find the reason why.I love paul with all my heart he was my first born he has a brother who is 5 who is pauls double so makes things just a little better and seeing how peaceful paul looked is my only consolation.I found this site and it helped me as I knew there are people who have the same experience as myself at times I thought ide go mad but I know paul would be saying be strong for me mum.Losing our children is going to be the hardest thing we will ever have to deal with each and every day I think about paul as you probably do about david all we can do is remember the good times we shared and hold the love in our hearts for them cherish their memory.MY heart goes out to all on this site and I really feel for us all I just wanted to say how sorry I am for your loss and from one mum to another a big hug hope our days get a little better in time x

Nov 11, 2013
Sharing what is
by: Anonymous

Words cannot convey the emotions we must feel and I wish you the best. My son, Joe - age 33, died July 8,2013. Like you, I dealt with what had to be done and find the emotions erupting and temper flares at things that are not really the reason for my temper. Bottom line, I miss my son and cannot have him back with me. I know these feelings are "normal", but the circumstances are not. I wish you joy through the holidays, as that was Joe's gift, his smile and caring. I try to move toward remembering his life instead of the hurt from missing him, but fear it may be a bit soon to reach that goal so until then, I will try to share the love I feel for my son with those that are here...our sons know we are missing them.

Nov 11, 2013
You are rite there s no words
by: Fabio

I feel your pain as i lost my only child of 22 years old already first officer for airline it was since he turned 18 then on the 5th june2013 he went to do what he loved and race he s bike on a private track which i thought was safe turn out to be very unsafe and he hit he s captain in the back and died on impact there s no word s for us but only sorrow hope you get better and we send our love to you :(

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