There she goes..

by Autumn

I was 11 years old, here I am at 14 now. I lost my mom. It was October 4th 2010, a breezy day. I had just got taken away 2 days before that by DHHS. I was now living with my uncle. It was a monday morning, she was found in her bed by her best friend at 6:30 in the morning. I had just started my new school that day. My brother and I walked through the door that night after our first day at a new school, there sat my grandmother, my uncle, aunt, great gram.. Then they sat us down to tell us my mom died.. I didn't ever know how my mom died till last year, I was never told.. We were finnaly sat down and told what happened.. My mom committed suicide. It was a drug overdose. She left a note beside her bed that said "I love you Autumn and Austin, I'm sorry I had to go this way." I completely lost myself since then. My brother and I have been sepereated. We lost our mom when I was 11, and my dad passed away when I was 2. I am only 14, I don't know what to even do..

Comments for There she goes..

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May 07, 2014
There she goes....
by: Doreen UK

Autumn you are a brave young lady to tell your story so well. I am so sorry for your loss of your Mom to suicide at such a young age. My nephew committed suicide when he was 30yrs. old 9yrs. ago. He suffered depression.
You are so young to have had such turbulence in your young life. You lost both parents and you needed that nurturing and still do.
I don't know who is caring for you now but I hope they are caring for you in the way you need this. Your mom perhaps committed suicide because she could not live in her distressing internal world anymore. I came to a point in my life when I felt the same way. As old as I was I went into counselling and this made my life better. I have never felt so good till now and I got my life back. I do understand how it feels to not be able to go on living with so much hurt and pain that you didn't want to live anymore. I tell you my story so you can understand that SUICIDE has been stigmatised so this is why your relatives did not tell you this when your mother passed when you were 11yrs. of age. You wouldn't have had the maturity to understand this. I don't want you to think that because your mother couldn't cope that one day you may think this is the way out of your pain. What you must do is keep talking to an Adult or counsellor who can help you. There is help out there and you must try to get it if you ever need this. I Did it. I got better so now I am able to help people who suffer from depression or come alongside them when they feel suicidal. Life is very hard for many people and they can't cope with life. I am in a stronger place now. As you grow older make it your life's mission to get a good education and make a success of your life. Try and find your brother and build up a relationship with him and stay close. You can make anything out of your life if you want it badly and put in the hard work. But you must also take care of yourself by building yourself up emotionally. Speak to a counsellor, and resolve your hurt and pain of losing your mom and your dad. It is good counselling that helped me and it can help you if you need it, and have no one else to talk to and understand how you feel. Life will get better for you as you get older. Remember Suicide is never the way out for you if life becomes difficult. Try and find ways to deal with any depression before it gets so bad, that you feel life is not worth living. Life is worth living when one is not depressed. I know both worlds so I can tell you that now you have opened up here on this site keep doing it. People will listen and try to help you. Write back if you need this. Take good care of yourself. I hope life gets better for you each day.

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