There's folks like me

by Sarah
(NH)

I'm so grateful to have found this page. I lost my Abby (lab) in July. I cried all the time but kept it to myself. I didn't tell anyone at work and I isolated myself from my family and friends because the pain was like nothing else. Now almost 4 months later I get this from friends and family: "you need to suck it up" , "aren't you stronger yet?", and "why aren't you stronger yet?".

I just got thru reading everyone's stories here and I'm so sorry for you all for your loss. The one that hurt was the guy who said how his friends and family were there to get him thru this. That they provided comfort and empathy and were always available to listen to him. That must've been wonderful. I wish I had that in my life.

I've never realized until I lost Abby how alone I am in the world. How happy I was when I had her and how little I needed the humans in my life. Now when even a hug would be nice, I have no one. I pushed friends away by not returning their phone calls at a time when I didn't want to talk to anyone, and they never came back. I have a friend who lectures me about how I'm suppose to move on like it's that simple. And now the holidays are coming and I don't want to be with my family - my family who never called to see how I was doing or never came by to see me.

Christmas with Abby was always my favorite holiday. We would wake up and I would give her her presents and she would rip them open so excitedly. She was my family and that was my favorite part of Christmas - alone with her; after the family dinner, rushing home to be with Abby. She was my family. She was my happiness in a world that isn't so warm, cozy and colorful.

I miss my Abby. I miss her smile and her talking to me. Going for long walks together, playing in the snow, driving in the car. Oh, my little Abby the talks we've had. I've shared all my secrets with you and you would never judge me or berate me. You were just the perfect companion. Now you are gone and I'm left not sleeping, or smiling or wanting to be around anyone. Nobody understands the constant ache and the stream of tears that I shed for you. Being on the computer at 2:30 in the morning venting about you to people I don't know when we should be snuggling and happily dreaming.

I don't know of a life without my girl. I don't know how to ever be happy again. I wish there was some kind of a support group for us all. I wish I had a great friend, someone to listen to me and want to be there for me. Thanks for listening. Thanks for loving me Abby.