They come and go

by Sephora
(Malaysia)

Until today I would still cry and I bet even 10 years from now I still will. It must be hard being a parent to lose one of your children so suddenly. So sometimes I feel I shouldn't grief so hard and continue moving on.

My sister was 26 years old when she left this world. She is a Down Syndrome child with a beautiful face unlike the usual faces you see other kids like her. She is smart and aware of her surroundings and could think for herself but she can't stop from behaving like a Down Syndrome child like suddenly having the urge to run around, or laugh by herself. But she would wipe away tears and hug me when I'm hiding while crying in my room. She would constantly remind me about keeping my hair long whenever I was about to go to the barber because she remembered when I was young I felt devastated after being teased at school for having a bald head. She always hugs my mom before heading to bed and kisses her too whenever she could. She has many ways of showing her love. And this made her special.

Her body has weaken due to her epilepsy medicine. She still can perform daily task like bathing, eating, watching show, reading, walking around (but not more than an hour) but she needs to sleep for 17 hours a day.

One day she suddenly had high fever at 7pm. Children like her prone to get epilepsy if their body temperature gets too high, so we tried our best to bring it down. She received her first fit at 10pm at night, but it wasn't serious. Letting her rest after feeding her some oats and malt drink, I proceed to prepare her morning meal of her favourite vegetable congee so she swallow. At about 1.30am I woke up when my mom came in to get a change of clothes for her as she urinated in her pants after her second fit, I went over to my parents room to help clean her up. She was recovering from her fit like usual and I would wait for her to get back her strength before I clean her up. But her breathing starts to weaken and her recovery state took longer than usual. Next thing you know she was gone. She was so healthy that afternoon, so it was a shocked to us.

We couldn't accept it and even rushed her to the hospital by ourselves wanting to believe she just fainted. But the pulse on her hand told me she was gone. She didn't suffer, she went in peace.

I understand how you all feel. Its good that she didn't suffer and I should be happy she has moved on to a better place rather than suffering from epilepsy attacks in this world. I knew she was gone but at times when someone tells me she no longer partakes in my life routine, that's when I realized our fate with her has been cut off completely, and it makes my heartache so much sometimes.

But we got to live in the present. If not we; being her close love ones would lose ourselves to negative prone thoughts like suicidal and unable to let go of the past.

Comments for They come and go

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Oct 01, 2012
They come and go
by: Doreen U.K.

Sephora, I am sorry for your loss of your daughter. What you say is right for you. Your daughter is not suffering anymore and she is at peace. I think what you are saying to some extent is true. No use dwelling on the past with suicidal feelings coming up which is negative thinking. This is a nice way to look at it. But saying this everyone grieves differently. Often we don't need to think of the past. Our minds are somewhat like tape recorders recording all our thoughts and memories of the past. We can't wipe this out. Grief happens automatically. We don't have to force it, or stop it from happening. It is a process. Memories come and go. In grief it is as if our memory tape is automatically rewinding and so memories will come and upset us and we feel sad and sorrowful. This is not wrong. Our Lord Jesus was a man of sorrows acquainted with grief. We don't have to feel guilty about grief. WE let it take place until we can move forward from our pain until it doesn't hurt as much. I hope that you will find Peace from your loss and that your life will get better in time. You will have many heartaches from losing your daughter in the present when memories come back. You can cry this is not wrong. You can also celebrate your daughters life in the present in the only way you know how to. This also is right for you. Just don't feel guilty about how you grieve it is not wrong.

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