They dont understand, I deserve happiness
(Chandler AZ )
Time keeps passing and I find myself making crazy decisions... no one seems to agree with them but for me the have helped me overcome so much pain.
I lost my husband way to soon, barley 9 months married and way to young to understand anything really.
He was 21 and he was beautiful so much to offer and so much love to give... I was 7 months pregnant when he was taken away from me...
I thought I would die I thought that my life was over that I could never love never feel anything ever again.
Over the last 2 years ( On Jan 16 ) I have changed completely, I cry I scream and shake I hurt I bleed when I am alone but I am strong I have moved forward in my sake my sons sake.
I have been dating an old high school boyfriend for months now and it looks bad and its to soon but he has given me life again he is holding the pieces my broken heart together. he lets me cry about my husband and talk about him and express my love towards him without any judement and without any jealousy. He loves my son and is so good to me...
Most of my husbands family understands they want me and my son happy they support me but my mother and Codys father don't agree its too soon, im making a mistake im going to hurt myself worse. don't I love cody? how could I if I am seeing another man? they have never walked in my shoes they don't understand me.. they don't know how I feel on a day to day.. They make me feel as if I am a horrible heartless woman but I feel and I know how much Cody means to me. I do not have to prove anything to anyone...
Am I crazy? What am I doing? I miss cody and love him so much but he left me? he tore me open, he destroyed the life we created,, he made his decisions and they got him killed? Am I evil and I sick? Am I allowed to have romance? Is it rude to my husbands family?
I feel as if I have committed a crime sometimes but my boyfriend truly accepts me and understands my love for my husband. The pictures of my wedding on the wall. My constant crying and how often I talk about him.
Cody was my everything since I was 14... he was the only man that I ever loved. we had so many differences but we LOVED each other I gave him my all... But he is gone.... the pain takes over still but I have survived and I have figured out that I am only 22 years old I deserve the happiness this world can offer don't I?
I wish someone could tell me what is appropriate what isn't? How to act and if my decisions will haunt me... I love my Cody he is not alive though, he left me in such a horrible time. Never meeting his son.. I just want happiness I need it
I spent a year in a half dead inside, I gained excessive weight and thought about death all the time, I love my son but my depression was overwhelming. finally everything changed I reconnected with old friends and my new boyfriend and they reminded me who I was and how amazing my life can be if I give it a chance.
I just want the pain inside my heart to go away to not feel so ashamed of being with someone new, I want to be accepted and not judged, I WILL ALWAYS LOVE CODY he was and always will be my true soul mate, he made me feel like no one could ever hurt me that he would always be there, that no matter what he would love me and never leave me. He said I do and so did I, We were going to spend life together... He was mine, he was brilliant he was handsome and loving and funny. he was everything a man should be, He had hands that could touch me anywhere and I would just melt into him He saw me for me and loved me always. he is a part of me and our son. but he is gone I deserve to know if that is out there for me again, that happiness that emotion that amazingly passionate beautiful love that we shared for 6 years.