They just dont get any part of it.... Why??

Hello again to you all.
I sit again on my own in ireland and i hate it!!
I had ten friends arranged to come up tonight and i was all organised with cheese, dips, wine and a lovely fire lit ready for a pleasant evening after a dodgy enough week and i was looking forward to it. Each and every one of them have cancelled for various unnecessary reasons but obviously important to them but in OUR real world they are nothing.

Why cant they sit back and think maybe i wanted and needed them?

Why is so hard for them to touch on this even as a human being to another?

I hate to be needy but i suppose i am.

Jen x

Comments for They just dont get any part of it.... Why??

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Nov 13, 2010
you always say the right things
by: Jen

Hi Hope,
My mask is off and im exhausted and this tough period continues. I will not step back tho, only forward or at least stand still.

Like you say my spark has gone and no one notices. This is only a small blip and i will move forward very soon.

Doing something like you say for me is a positive thing and i really must try harder................for me!!

Nearing two years now and this thump has hit very hard and i didn't see it coming at all.
Thanks hope for your unending support. It really means so much.


Nov 13, 2010
by: Jules

My darling husband died one year ago next Saturday 20 Nov - and I miss him every day. We were away from home on an extended driving holiday, and had come to stay near our daughter for a bit when he had a stroke and died two days later - so it was a big shock to me. My friends were fantastic, as were my family, almost all of them flew up here for the funeral, and for the first couple of months they kept in constant contact via phone or email. But that has tapered off, and I don't hear from them as often these days. I don't blame them, they are going on with their lives, this didn't happen to them.

My daughter said to me the other day, that, even though she and her brother had lost their dad, the loss of John happened to me - he was the person I chose to be with, travel with, laugh with and hoped to be with for a very long time.
John died, as I said when we were away from home, and I have sort of relocated to this town now. I still have my house back home, my son and his partner live there, but I have taken a house, involved myself in some community work, taken up lawn bowls, and have now got a job in a local truck stop, part time, casual.

I have been thinking lately that this is the best thing I could have done for myself, if I had been back home, I would have been relying on my friends to support me - this way I have had to make a life for myself - make new friends, do new things, live a new life - learn to live by myself for myself. My daughter is nearby, as are my four beautiful grandsons, but I have my own life, even last night I thought I would have Chinese for tea, was about to place my order when a woman I had met at one of my volunteer places came in with her son. They were going to eat in, and I thought - why not ask if I can join them - rather than having take away - she had a bottle of wine, which we shared, her son is only ten, and we had a great talk, and good company.

So I really don't know what the answer is for you, but keep on writing on this site, it is a lifesaver - there for you 24/7 - sometimes just the act of writing it down is a help in itself,
especially at 2 - 3 am.

Nov 13, 2010
They just don't get any part of it. Why?
by: Jeanne

I too have had the same thing happen with invited guests canceling. I too have prepared cheese and salami, etc only to have snacks for myself for a couple weeks. Actually that was really OK. They were tasty! Anyway, since then I've embarked on attending matinee performances of local theater and master chorale performances. I find them easy to attend solo because I become a part of an audience and I thoroughly enjoy the afternoon, the talent and talking with people with like interests. So I have taken the first step in this new world and so far, so good. Good luck to you.

Nov 12, 2010
go to the mountain

As the song says we all need somebody to lean on.
Never be ashamed of being human. All that I know is the world of widows and widowers is a different world. We miss what was but try to start this new and unfamiliar life.

Can people see that lost spark? That neediness? Are we trying too hard to be and feel normal? Should we seek out other widows/widowers who have lost their spouse because they are the only ones that can truly understand?

Reading up on this whole widow delio it says to take on all invitations. And if there are none to involve yourself in the community. But if you live in a small what? volunteer at the hospital as a candy striper? Little too old for that and most (of us) have seen too much of hospitals anyway.

Hey I get it, I don't want to date, but I don't want to be doing laundry on a Friday night either.

Sorry your friends disappointed you perhaps they are shallow. Maybe you can sign up at the community college for ? what ever interests you.
Get involved and don't wait for people to come to you, go out there and paint, jog, walk the dog, visit arboretums, museums, places of history.

I will if you will...

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