Things are moving too fast

by Pat
(USA)

People are moving to fast for me. It will be 4 months on the 20th since my son completed suicide, family & friends have moved on to other things in life, other friends with needs & I can't move yet. No one likes to call or stop by now because they don't understand why I haven't bounced back yet. I will never bounce back, this isn't just a little set back.

NEWS FLASH !!! This is a life changing horrible experience I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. Even his widow is moving on, is there something wrong with me because I'm still stuck in this black hole ? Can someone tell me how to move on after losing a child.

Comments for Things are moving too fast

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Feb 14, 2011
It never goes away
by: Anonymous

Hi Pat,

I googled Death of a child, and found this site.
Today is Valentine's day but I sit here with tears
in my eyes.
My eldest and now only son brought me flowers today. It seems he now does everything my youngest son would do. He committed suicide 14 years ago.

I survived breast cancer and have skin cancer and a lot more pain and problems, but always say that the cancer was a party compared with the loss of a child.!!

I feel for you, try to be glad that at least you had this child for a while.
Believe me it gets better, but never really goes away! I wish you all the strength you need. Margareth

Jan 25, 2011
Things are moving to fast
by: Brenda Richison

My middle son of 26 years shot himself on July 8,2004 at 4a.m. I blamed everyone around, including myself and God. I finally, after 6 yrs. of hard grieving, wrote to this website. I got responses back and I read others letters, as I'm reading yours. Like you, everyone went on with their lives. Stopped going to his grave, just forgot about him. My two son's even quit visiting his grave. I thought this was so wrong! But, I continued my hatred, my loss of faith, my deep grieving faithfully.

Today I can talk about him with a smile. I can laugh and see the good in life again. Yes, I have his memories and he's in my heart, but I'm able to move on. It took this web site, a group counseling, and a psychiatrist, to help me, but I made it. If not, I was ready to join him. Thank the Lord that never happened, though.

All I can tell you is be strong and go on with your life, like he wants you to. Stay with this website and we'll all pray for you. Time helps to heal, but you got to face it yourself, too. I know you'll make it! You got to! For those others that love you and need you! Let go and go on living. You're in my prayers. May God bless you!

Jan 17, 2011
too fast for me too
by: maureen

I lost my 27 year old son 3 months ago suddenly and sooo know how you are feeling. People have moved on and somedays I feel like I am going backwards. My Dr said plan to feel awful for the first year and then the grief will soften. The only thing that makes it a bit easier is my faith and when I get little signs from my son. This site has been so helpful. I will pray that both of us will have just a little bit of peace soon.

Jan 17, 2011
Moving too fast
by: M Mack

Hi Pat,

Your loss is very difficult and rightfully so. You are his mother, the first person to ever love him. You loved him before he was born, when he said his first word, took his first steps and continued to love him in every journey throughout his life. A mother understands and even if they do not agree with their children our love is unconditional. As everyone moves on, you feel stuck in your memories and it's hard to move forward.

Take your time as you go through the stages. We are here to listen so keep writing. We understand your pain and sadness. Don't blame yourself for these things are beyond your control. My prayers and hope you feel better knowing others care.

Jan 17, 2011
Never the same
by: Anonymous

My brother committed suicide when he was 20. It has been a long time ago now. But I'll never forget. And we'll never be the same.

At the 5 month mark my mother, my sister and I were in Greece on a trip we had planned for a year. I can remember to this day, how I felt so numb. I remember thinking, "Man, normally I'd really feel excited about seeing something like this." But I felt nothing.

The pain did lessen over time. But I'm talking years. My mother took it the worst, which I think is normal.

My family got closer because of going through it, and we talked openly about our pain, and that helped a lot. But every family is different. I still call my mom on his birthday and the anniversary of his death and ask her how she is doing. And I just listen. Because I know it was the worst thing that ever happened to her.
I know, because it was the worst thing that ever happened to me. And he was her baby.

Jan 16, 2011
there is nothing wrong with you
by: Lyn Ann

There is nothing wrong with you. They do not understand, and even if they really, really wanted to, they cannot understand.

I lost my husband of 23 years nearly two months ago (on the 20th, in fact). This is horrible, horrible, - the worse thing I have ever experienced, yet I believe that the loss of a child would be worse. My heart goes out to you.

Grieving takes time. A long time. And the best thing that I have learned from this site, and from other reading is that grieving for a long time is normal.

And for me, at least, that knowledge made things a little easier.

Nobody else will understand, unless they have been there. And few people have.

But we have. And we understand.

I can't say much to ease your pain. But I can pray that you will find peace, and I will do this.

Take Care, Lyn Ann

Jan 16, 2011
Losing a child
by: Pam

There is NO greater loss than losing a child. I lost a child in 1988, and there are days I still cry about her. I recently found this site, as my husband just passed away two months ago, and I was surprised to see they had a section for the loss of children. I joined a group called THE COMPASSIONATE FRIENDS, who meet once a month all over the U.S. I could not of survived my loss without them. I am so sorry for your loss, and hope there is a Compassionate Friends support group in your area, because I think they can really help you. I know exactly how you feel, that a part of your heart is gone. Time does heal the pain, but it takes a long time. Take care of yourself, and remember to take baby steps, don't try to rush anything.

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