Things will never be the same.

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Things will never be the same.

by Gabby
(Cypress, texas, u.s)

On september 23rd my mother rid her self of her struggles and took her life. She was found dead by my 21 year old sister on thursday september 24. How can i ever forgive her, i am only but 15 years old i haven't gone to prom or moved out or had my wedding?

I keep asking myself how she could feel as if she has nothing to live for i needed her there for all of those memorable moments!

I attended my mothers funeral two days ago. I can't even explain in words the emotional, mental and physical pain i felt. Have you ever felt so horrible and sad and hopeless your stomach feels like it's been ripped out and stepped on? I have, I can't tell you how much it irritates me when people see you crying and upset and they dare to ask are you ok? Obviously not, how do i even begin to answer?

It pains me to think that i will never see her again and apologize. The day she committed suicide i was so mean to her, we got in a huge fight and said things i will have to live with and regret for the rest of my life. This experience has taught me such a valuable lesson. Never take today for granted, because you are never guaranteed a tomorrow. I will never go to bed at night with out letting all my loved ones know just how much i love and care about them.

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Things will never be the same.

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I know I can totally relate...
by: beth

I just lost my mother 6mths ago too...I keep tally by weeks to the day...it sucks, we are one week from christmas eve-my Mother's holiday ALWAYS, as long as I can remember. She was taken from us unexpectedly and so untimely. I hate this...my mom had at least 15 more good years. I am having the most difficult time believing she is in Heaven-she def. deserves to be there- a mother of 8 children- loss of 1 from cancer at a young age 43, loss of her husband of 35 yrs. Age 52. All of her family and in-laws except 1-age 90 and a breast cancer survivor...She died awake and aware (and to all of you out there who have witnessed this w/your own family members-you know how heart wrenching it is to watch and try to walk your loved ones to their death). My mom died 5/24/2010 @ 11/06am w/ me and my whole family there. I have so much to say but I know this blog is about suicide. My mom saved My life 21 years ago...I tried my hardest to save hers now. I am a nurse..Depression is the worst disease one can have. I suffer from it. I've come to realize over the years But the death of mom-is the absolute worst..what I'm feeling is grief...sadness and anger......having a hard time with the reality of her death and don't feel like she's where she's supposed to be---in heaven....

Sorry
by: Anonymous

As a mother of a 14 year old I can tell you that your mother in no way wants you to feel guilty about how you treated her. We understand that we are often the ones who bear the brunt of our children's frustrations, who else can they let it out on, I did it to my own mother and I'm a grown adult! I'm sorry your mom felt so helpless that she thought there was nothing to live for, especially her beautiful child. She must have been truly tortured with her decision. You are not alone, and never will be.

They are at Peace
by: Michaels Sister Karen

I am so sorry for your loss, I really don't think people truly understand your loss, our loss. I lost my brother to suicide a month ago. You will want to talk about your Mother,(I hope you have lots of people to talk to when your ready), I know she loves you, as I know my brother loves me. Their pain was just too great, it would not be fair for us to wish they were still here. Please do not live your life regretting what could have been, what will never be. They would not want that for us. I know your Mother is at Peace, I truly do. You will smile again when you think of her. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

An expert on guilt
by:

We all have guilt here; things that we should have done, could have done, or wish we had done.

It does no good yet, we continue to flog ourselves over what may have been, might have changed and I can tell you that the argument your mother and you had was of NO Bearing on what went down.

Do not poison the rest of your life with that thought. Whatever pain she had was within and had nothing to do with you.

She is now looking down trying to protect you with her own realizations. But with that knowledge of what you truly need and will try to guide you for the rest of your life; to see that you will get where you need and should be in this life.

She Loves you and will be looking at all of your special days from where she is and smiling with and for you.

HH

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Things will never be the same.

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Things will never be the same.