This is so hard

I sit here & watch my Grandsons out in the back yard & think of their dad, (my son) & what he is missing. The days turned into weeks & the weeks into months but I still grief the loss of my son. I still have a lot first's coming up, not looking forward to it. I wish I could wave a magic wand & bring him back.

Suicide is such a hard death to comprehend. It doesn't matter what you read or what people say it is still so hard to imagine my son in so much emotional pain that he ended his life. I'm sure he didn't realize he would end his families too. Life takes on a whole different meaning, I find myself taking my anger out on people who don't understand, I find I isolated myself from friends who don't understand, I also find I can be very lonely even in a room full of people. I don't have the patience or the energy it takes to pretend I am ok. I will never be ok. Ok or great was when my entire family was intact. There will also be a hole where my son is suppose to be.

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Apr 28, 2011
been 6 months
by: Anonymous

My son was 27 when he died of an accidental overdose. His son is 7 years old and I thank God everyday that a part of him lives on in that little boy. It has been 6 mths since he passed and it is getting harder and harder for me. I even just took an unexpected couple of weeks off work because it is not important to me anymore. I still have a lot of firsts to go thru also. This is just so unfair :(.

Mar 17, 2011
surviving the days and nights
by:

I do the same thing watching my son grow up so fast thinking that his father is missing out as he becomes a teenager in a week and a half.

I do like to think that they are looking down on us, and that they are not in any pain anymore.
But the pain that we are left with seems insurmountable. So many things that they should be here for. We will have to view it through our eyes and experience life with a special appreciation of it. We know how fast things can shatter and change. Please keep coming here and know that we do understand.

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