This New Life (sucks)
Hello once again fence. I say that because I lean on this site heavily as of late. It is a damn shame that I need to go here for healing. That I somehow feel that all have abandoned my grief.
This year mark coming up somehow is an exquisite pain and loneliness that I have yet to feel and I force myself into change. Hoping that it will allow me to tuck the memories away just long enough to function with the here and now. Going though the house readying it for company on Thanksgiving a party of 0-10.
Tossing out things that I don't need in some sort of frantic redecorating of my life. Forcing this new life upon myself taking it in like Castor oil. Putrid nasty, but somehow good for you I am told.
If I change my surroundings, My life, rearrange everything will it make it all easier? I do not care for this sink or swim phase. I know that I we all of us mourning the loss of the very person that make us who we are who we became because of them are struggling with this new life dealt to us.
Whether new grief or more mature grief it is a pain in the soul that pokes and prods our heart strings at various intensity.
This quiet desperation, the tears of grief that speak a language that is universal. It is a lonely path as if in a sand trap or quick sand. I know that if I keep my wits about me I can get out. But it is so hard not to flail, to panic and sink lower.
Forward motion one step forward two steps back I will get there, we all will. The new day dawns a new beginning, what we do with it is our choice.