Three Months

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Three Months

by Colleen
(South Africa)

It has been three months since Bruce died. I am so angry at God for taking him from me. I was yelling at God for taking all our husbands. I was listing all the names of the wives that have lost their true loves, I was shocked at all the names I came up with, it made me realize that I am not the only one going through this pain and heart ache.

A part me still expects Bruce to walk through the door at any minute. Logic tell me that he is not going to but the heart wants what the heart wants. My sister asked me if it was getting any easier. My reply was how can loneliness and heart ache get any easier when you have no where for your love to go. Your entire life has come crashing around your ears. Can some one please tell me how do you go about making a new life for your self? How do you start over again at the age of 46?

Bruce I miss you sooooooooo much I pray for the day when we will be together again.

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Three Months

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Kenny
by: Robin

The love of my life passed April 21,2001, with my grandson of 4 years at home. I had just called from work to see if they wanted me to bring them anything. I walked in 5 min. later and my life as I knew it ended, Kenny was gone. My four year old was saying "Memommie Grandaddie fell and he won't get up". Kenny was 57 years old and never had heart problems. I feel like I'm living in a different world that I don't belong in. There was never a day that he didn't tell me he loved me. There a not alot of people that can say that. Kenny was so kind and caring.

A new life at 46 or 50
by: Hope

Colleen,
I don't think that you consciously decide today is the day I start My "New Life" If it were that simple we would drop the shitty feeling that we wake up with every day and just start over.

I am now starting day 3 of what can only be described as peace. I do not know if it will last, as we all know there have been many a day that felt o.k then we are sobbing uncontrollably asking why?

And I think that we all try to control or guide grief. This is our hearts, our broken hearts that we are talking about, trying to mend and like a broken bone it takes time. Only the heart is a muscle of emotion and it takes a very long time to heal.

Some pray, some turn inward and ignore the world stay within the bounds of grief as company. I just know that we need to work, take care of the house and ourselves until something invisible and a presence unknown and not understood allows us to smile again. Take a deep breath and allow the seasons to pass without dread.

This is my fifth season without my Love and I have sobbed each one until this spring. I always felt that we should share the seasons change, that it marked time. But now as things begin to bloom I can feel hope just a little, enough to know as my mother said this too will pass. But for us ever so slowly, Time will now stand still it moves and we too will move with it.
Hugs from Hope

3 months for me too....
by: Lyn Ann

Hi -

three months for me on the 20th. I am not mad at God, in fact for the last year it is God that has gotten me through this and kept me sane. The grieving still persists, and I still miss Jim terribly, with every day and everything I do. But I do have hope that with time this will get better. I will always love Jim and miss him awfully - I have put up about 40 pictures around the house so I can see him no matter where I am...

I know that Jim is out there somewhere watching over me - occasionally I get those little "Godwinks" as Pat calls them. And all of these little messages I get now and then all tell me to keep going, and don't spend too much time looking back.

Whether we are now age 40, 50, 52 (my age) 65 or 80 we still have a purpose in this life. It will be totally different than what we had, but I think that one day when we are 90 we will look back and thank Jim and Bruce and Joe etc, for helping us to develop into the wonderful person we will have become.

It's OK to yell at God - it is a normal response. And it means that you are talking to him after all... but while you are there maybe just ask him to help you get through your next step. That is what he is best at, and it sure works for me....
Take care, LynAnn

Me Too ~ Three Months
by: TrishJ

Colleen~
It's almost three months for me too. I just turned 58. I've always felt that I will live to be 96. My mom's relatives (I got most of their gene pool) live into their late 90's. That means I will be around 37 more years ~ the exact number of years Joe and I were married. The thought of living 37 years without him overwhelms to the point that I feel faint.
Reading the books on grief ~ it all sounds so simple. They all say just be patient. I'm a very impatient person. The thought of me ever being with another man again is just not appealing for me. I'm very fussy. I had the best. I won't settle for anything less.
So......I sit and feel sorry for myself...or I come up with a plan to fill up the next years with something that will make me happy. Right now I can't focus on that. I can't think about what would make me happy without Joe. The pain is still too new and raw. I have to just take it one day at a time. I have one good day followed by two horrible days. We're all going through the same thing. We're all here. Blessings.

If only
by: Zoe

If only we had an answer
If only we knew what was going to happen
If only
I think part of the adjustment we make is to start recognizing
What we do know
We know we love our beloved with a passion and fire that is absolute and they us
We know the strength within ourselves, not at this second, but then as we tended our beloved, assisted with bodily functions fight doctors nurses and insurance companies to get the best care possible for our beloved
There are people who go to school for this who have trouble dealing with end of life we did it without blinking an eye
We know for sure that you can never know for sure
We will never make decisions the same way again
We will be passionate about what is important
And no matter how you work through this either by holding you love and life or by working to release it
This grief is something that cannot be rushed
And we move through one breath one step one day at a time

Three months
by: M Mack

Colleen,
What we are going through Is so heartwrenching. We are the 1st survivors and the ones that bear tremendous loss. I always think that it would have been better if God took me home first instead of Ray. In the end the word "death" is so final even scary. Yet, what we are going through is worse. Let's pray for comfort, guidance and the strength we need to go on. For as survivors, we really are the victims of these losses. As you mentioned.....there are so many here that are going through the same sadness and you know you have alot of company. I know you feel lost at only 46 but you have much to offer in this life. Take the time to grieve. Know he is with you in spirit and you will find comfort when you see fit to accept this loss. Keep writing and vent whenever you want. No judging, just here to listen and be there when you need us. One day at a time.....hugs and prayers always.

Also three months
by: Pam

It has been three months for me as well on the 19th. I am actually not mad at God. My husband was really getting worse with his brain injury and pain, so I can't be mad at God. I can however be mad that the Drs. could not fix him like he was before his accident.

I have been crying nonstop for two weeks now. For awhile there I wasn't crying, and wondered why it was so easy for me. I don't know why that happened, but now I can't stop crying again. You are right, what do we do, where do we go....I am 54 and thought we would be together till the end, maybe in our 80's....I am so terribly lonely too. Nobody understands, and I think they are shocked to see me cry so much. But I will not hold it in, I deserve to cry, I hurt. I am going to my first grief support group tonight, if I hear anything that will help us all I will post on here. Hang in there, we have nothing else we can do.

Gentle hugs
by: Jean from MN (USA)

(((((Colleen)))))) I wish I had an answer, I am asking the same questions. Hang in there.

Will Yourself
by: Judith

Colleen, we widows must create a new life now albeit unwanted. You are still young and beautiful and have so much more to give in all ways. I am a younger 65 and feel I still have a lot to offer in this life if given another chance. My only duty to myself is to make sure I grieve, and take time to get to know what it is I really need this time in order to obtain a life of contentment until God calls me home to meet my love again.

We who have gone before you in months have felt and still feel we want them back and it's okay to feel that even tho' we know it's futile . I pray every night for him to visit me or show his presence so I won't feel so alone.

Please come here often and write and we'll be here for you.

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