Three Steps Forward

by Debra

Three steps forward
Two steps back
I got out of bed today
Took a shower and got dressed
Made my bed
Sat in the recliner for the rest of the afternoon
Watching reruns of Mayberry RFD

Three steps forward
Two steps back
Drove myself to the grocery store
Bought fresh fruit and vegetables
Found a recipe for pasta primavera
Couldn't bring myself to cooking it
Ate a frozen dinner instead

Three steps forward
Two steps back
Turned down the lights in the living room
Put flame to some candles on the mantle
Listened to some smooth jazz
Drank too much red wine
Woke up with a headache

Three steps forward
Two steps back
Rallied myself to clean out some drawers
Threw away old papers and junk mail
Began sorting out old pics
Cried for hours over the photos of you
Threw everything back in the drawer, calling it a day

Three steps forward
Two steps back
Took a hot bath with lavender bubbles
Slipped into my comfy, buffalo pjs
Snuggled down under crisp clean sheets
Stared at the ceiling
Praying for sleep that would never come

Three steps forward
Two steps back
Took a trip with my husband
Dressed up in my dancing shoes
Shared pleasant conversation with total strangers
Teared up when I saw an old vet with a white buzz haircut
Broke down when the band played, "God Bless the USA"

Three steps forward,
Two steps back
Like wading through mud
Making progress
Yet feeling more exhausted with each step
Just when I'm starting to feel like my old self
Something hits-a trigger of sort
A song, a smell, a long forgotten photo or card
And the sadness slithers back in
Sending me spiraling back down into depression

11 August 2013

Comments for Three Steps Forward

Click here to add your own comments

Sep 03, 2013
Very moving
by: Anonymous

Everything you put into your moving poem is how I am feeling after the loss of my partner and soul mate, life will never be the same again and the loss is overwhelming
I try to sleep but find I am tossing and turning all night my brain just won't switch off
It is the unexpected song or saying that bring the memories flooding back and the tears just start to flow again
I hope I this pain I am feeling wont last forever but I have a horrible feeling it will as I without my partner beside me through life nothing will take the pain away

Aug 24, 2013
Three steps forward
by: silver

I totally loved your poem.It really says it for all of us,no matter who we grieve for or how.My dad died in Nov 2009.I know it's been almost 4 yrs, but like you said in the poem,there are still triggers.The Sunday before Memorial Day,my church had a special service.Every song for every branch of military was sung and words were said.My dad was in the Air Force for 23 yrs and I cried when they sang that song and when they sang GOD bless America.The computer I am on,my dad helped me get.He struggled with cancer for the last 13 yrs of his life.I was blessed to have him around until I was 60.I miss him a lot.I send you my prayers and ask GOD to send you strength and peace.

Aug 18, 2013
Your poem touched my heart
by: Anonymous

Dear Debra. Your poem touched me very deeply. I can feel the pain in every line, and I am so sorry for that. I can relate to the routines that we go through just to get through the day, only to stare at the celing at night. For me, it's always, "why?". I continue to battle what professionals call denial. I hope to wake up and it won't be true; that my beautiful sister, my best friend; the person who made me feel safe and loved will be texting me in the morning to say hello like we have done every day for years. But, as one would expect, that never happens. And my heart continues to ache, and my life will never be the same. I know one thing though, the people who share their stories on this web site; the courageous ones who are brave enough to open their winds to help others; these strangers for lack of a better word, have helped me. Because they unfortunately are in this "club" that no one wants to join. Not the therapists or others professionals that try their best to help. These feelings of loss that we have are raw and they hurt to the core of our being, and only the people here will understand how lost we feel. I hope you will visit the site from time to time. It has helped me. I life had a rewind button. Wouldnt that be nice? The one thing to remember is that no one can tell you how to grieve. Please know that I care, and I truly thank you for your heart wrenching poem and the love behind your words.

Aug 16, 2013
Thank you
by: Anonymous

I feel the same way-the words in this poem are perfect. I was standing behind an elderly man today in the grocery store and I started to cry. He looked just like my dad from the back. I miss him so, so much. Each day gets a bit easier, but I can still fall back into the deep pain so quickly.

Aug 16, 2013
Beautiul poem
by: Linda

I loved this poem. It spoke to my heart and made me tear up. David has been gone for 5 years this coming Wednesday, the 21st. I miss him every second of every day. I feel that I am a little better after this time, but I know it never ones away, and I will never "get over it" as some people tell me to do.

Aug 16, 2013
Very good
by: Anonymous

Loved this. It is how I feel. Thank you for expressing it so beautifully. There are thousnads like you out there silently screaming for help.

Click here to add your own comments

Join in and write your own page! It's easy to do. How? Simply click here to return to Grief Poetry.

[?]Subscribe To This Site
  • follow us in feedly
  • Add to My Yahoo!
  • Add to My MSN
  • Subscribe with Bloglines

RSS Feed Widget


Tap into the compassion, support and wisdom of the


Essential Healing Guide

Grief Relief

Free Griefwork

Free Stress

SBI Video Tour!