Tina from Chicago

by Tina
(Chicago, IL)

I lost my Mom in March 2011. She was a wonderfully human woman. I miss her everyday and wonder when will I get back to "normal." Then I realize there will never be a normal for me, because my normal included her. Today I am feeling blessed that I knew her, blessed about our relationship and how good it was, blessed that she took the time to raise me and especially blessed to know a Mother's love. I had a friend that I had been avoiding spending time with since my Mom's funeral because she seemed to not understand the love between a Mother and Daughter. She was so detrimental to my life at the time of loss. She questioned how I could care for my Mom at home and "watch her die." I had felt that was so insensitive at the time because I was doing it out of love and trying to give my Mom what she had asked of me. I saw my ex-friend for the first time since March yesterday, The very first thing she said to me was "I saw some dresses yesterday, that would fit your Mom." I just started to cry and I asked her not to ever talk to me about my Mom. How could she possible think it was a good idea to talk about clothing that my Mom is not alive to wear? She was never ever close to my Mom. They never had a "relationship." I can not imagine what that was about. I have decided that some friends don't make it to the other side of your grief and that is OK.

I read the steps of grieve again today and I just wanted to say to all of those like me trying to get through this loss "keep on keeping on." Visit this site when you need to and we will all be healed one by one, day by day.


Comments for Tina from Chicago

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Jul 16, 2011
Sorry for your loss
by: Sharon

I'm sorry about the loss of your mother, I too have just recently lost my mum, she died on the 1st june 2011 she was only 66 it was sudden, and I cant come to terms with it still, people keep telling me it gets easier but that doesn't help, my heart goes out to you though cos I know what your going through. Take care regards sharon.

Jun 29, 2011
With Friends Like That.......
by: TrishJ

I am so sorry for your loss. I live in the Chicago area. The far north burbs. Since my husband passed away 7 months ago I have come to realize that there are several insensitive uncaring people I no longer want or need in my life. Things have been said to me that I would never dream of saying to another under general circumstances, let alone following the heart wrenching death of my husband. People don't understand the depth of the hurt. They have obviously never experienced the death of a beloved family member.
Your mother will always be part of your life and your heart. She is with you always. I have days when I just sit and talk to my husband (not out loud~I don't want my neighbors to think I've lost it). I know he's listening. I feel his presence some days.
No.....your life will never return to what you used to call "normal." You do have to make sure that your new normal includes people who are caring and sensitive and have your best interests at heart. The other people just don't matter. It's hurtful that they could be so uncaring but lets chalk it up to ignorance.
I'm sending you a hug. God's blessings to you. Hang in there. Peace.

Jun 29, 2011
Lost my Mother too and am lost myself
by: Dawn from Kansas

My mother passed away in March 2011 as well. She was almost 89 years old and I helped to take care of her and my father since 2006. My relationship with my mother was always very strong and I miss her daily. It doesn't matter how old you are when your mom passes, your life will never be the same. I am fortunate because I had my mom and my dad most of my life. I can't imagine having to undergo that type of loss at an earlier age or having to loose a child. My life is richer because of my mom and although I love my father as well (he is now in a nursing home)the relationship I had with my mother was so very special. I am getting a little worried about myself though because I just don't seem to be able to come out of it. I have a daughter myself who has just graduated high school and I need to be at my best for her but I feel so aimless and useless right now. I am just now able to get my mind around packing up my mother's clothing and donating to charity, packing up and sorting through her belongings, etc. It is so hard. Does it ever get better? I feel like the walking wounded. I was adopted and I really hit the jackpot because I had such a wonderful mom.

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