I've been so tired of crying the second I open my eyes. Everything I do reminds me of the past. My daughter passed away 11 years ago. I lost my first love, two of my greatest friends, my soulmate... They are all in heaven surrounding me every day. I feel like there are more people i love that are dead than those living. It makes me look forward to the day I die. Its sounds crazy but it is true. How do I put the past behind me?

Comments for Tired

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Sep 13, 2011
dear hh and anoymous writer
by: Anonymous

i am so thankful that there is a place i can go and let out my grief. I can feel you both through this computer. What a relief!!! There is sanctuary here! amen! it is raining like crazy here and there is thunder and i am not afraid. really not just a metaphor it is raining outside and i wish God would take us now and i am not indulging in my pain i am working through it. thank you and sleep well.

Sep 06, 2011
by: Anonymous

thank you for your words. I keep reading them when i start to go to my dark place. I have been very positive this week. But I also feel like I am shoving whats happened under the rug. Is that a bad thing? I have guilt for 2 of these deaths although i know they are not my fault. Suicides tend to make people feel that way. Especially since they both were my ex-lovers. I feel like i am not worthy of love i feel like i need to spend everyday making it up to them... i know these thoughts are crazy but they are real and they are constantly haunting me. I can see the light at the end, i just am trying to climb out of this pit one day at a time.

Sep 02, 2011
I know...
by: Hope

You can't simply put the past behind you. Put it in a box like you are moving. Day by day we move ahead with the past dragging our souls like an anchor. We can attempt to make each day a miracle, Or not. We can seek out the beauty that makes us smile and helps us to appreciate being here.

Being 2 years in this Dec I am forging my way through grief. But it is tough, slashing through the memories with a machete trying to appreciate the here and now isn't easy.

The electricity came back on after hurricane Irenes wake up call. Camping out in our homes brought out the best and worst of people and I am thankful that it brought out the best in me.

Life is short we all know how short it can be. How what we love can be taken away in the blink of an eye. So Love....Love those around you now, and never take it for granted. The person that we are now is a choice. We can be our best or worst and it has nothing to do with a hurricane or other disasters.

I am still tired too. But I will do my best and not waste another day. I will live though I still want my past and what was.

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