To grandma (mama)

by Tiffany

My grandmother was a sweet old lady who never forgot chinese new year. It has been 3-4 years of her passing but I am still going on strong. I have her in my dreams, I think of her every time I see something is red. I think of her. I never cried at her funeral service. My other cousins did. I don't know how to publicly express grief because it was always discouraged in my family. It was considered shameful to cry in public. I don't know if it makes me a bad person for not crying at her funeral service but focusing on the good memories has kept me going. I haven't visited her grave site in 2 years since her passing because I am so busy with college. She never got to see me go to college. I wished she did. I love you, mama. I still think of you and your checked scarf and your purple one too.

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Mar 05, 2013
To grandma (mama)
by: Doreen U.K.

Tiffany I am sorry for your loss of your grandmother. In some cultures one is not encouraged to express grief, in much the same way boys were discouraged from crying as it wasn't manly. This is so damaging to people. It is normal to express tears and grief. God created us with emotions. You may have become so repressed that you cannot express grief or tears. You also may have frozen grief where your system is in a type of shock and as much as you try you cannot express any emotion. If it worries you ~~~~YOU can try and see a grief counsellor who is trained and skilled to work at a deep level and help people with grief. But I wouldn't worry too much unless it bother's you. Just don't let anyone judge you for not grieving. Some people just feel comfortable this way. My brother-in-law didn't grieve for his parents who died over 36yrs ago. He just keeps so busy and avoids grief. BUT when my husband died 10 months ago he fought his grief hard but I saw him break down. I had to take my husband's photo off the wall as my brother-in-law can't see his photo up. It is too soon, and too painful for him to deal with. I am sure you will be able to honour your grandmother in some way that is special to you. If anyone says anything to you, ~~~~ you could always tell people that you are a private person and don't show emotion in public. That will keep them quiet without you having to tell your private feelings to anyone. Not expressing grief or any emotion doesn't make you a bad person. Because crying was discouraged in your family you have become repressed. Try and get some counselling so that you can lead a normal life as it is not healthy emotionally to repress all your feelings and not express these. I did this at an early age as I also was discouraged from expressing any feelings or talking. I became ill. and paid a heavy price by having to go into counselling for many years. I feel great now, but it was very painful having to deal with repressing feelings and emotions early in life which became a habit and I couldn't function.

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