to late for sorries.
a week today my beautiful partner nige was taken away from me,and I wasnt there to hold him when he died.we had shared 5 years together. when I met him I fell in love with him instantly.we were soulmates,the bond between us was like a magnet.he was funny,loving,kind,protective and so beautiful to me. unfortuneately a stupid small arguement parted us for a few weeks and we never got the chance to make it up.im left devastated,torn and full of guilt that I never got around to seeing him,holding him and most of all making it up with him Ive cried so much it makes me sick to the pit of my stomach.the pain inside is tearing me apart and all I want to do is scream and scream. my wish is that I had gone with him,and that he hadnt left me behind.but most of all I wish we hadnt been so stubborn.we had a wonderful love and a closeness that ive never felt ever before,and neither will I feel it again. why has it happened to us? why cant i breathe properly? how do I cope with this pain and agony thats tearing me to pieces? and why my love did you leave me all alone? I do not know the cause of why my beautiful man was taken away yet,and im also waiting to see him for the last time.I cant get to grips how will I be able to let go of him.I would give anything to feel his touch,to see his cheeky smile and to hear his loving voice again. I am so overwhelmed with sadness and guilt I feel as my heart is breaking to pieces.I cant cope,im hurting its so painfull.I just want to die to be with him