To Love or to be Loved

by E1975
(Lynn Ma)

My story starts back in 2006, when my heart was ripped from my chest, and has been stuck in my throat like a ball of mucus for the last 3 and a half years.

My husband cheated on me with a woman with many different problems then me. When I caught him, he was very sorry and wanted me back and the relationship as well.. Well, my feeling that he was not still being true to me went on. Then I had this woman at my door saying that she was pregnant and that he needed to pay her rent.

I was a changed person in a matter of seconds as a result of this. I am still together with my husband to this day, although the other woman was history after this event. (She was never prego as she had said).

I felt as if his begged forgiveness had meant nothing at all... I haven't been the same mother, daughter, sister, or friend after all this has happened. I argue constantly with him because of my insecurities as a result of this.

The pain is much greater then any other events that have happened in my life. This really has a grip on me... What kills me the most is how the two people involved in this selfish act can go on with life like any other day.

It kills me. If anyone in this world has some kind of advice to give me give at all, please.... the pain is much bigger and greater then me....


Signed... Hurt in 01902

Comments for To Love or to be Loved

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Feb 24, 2010
Wishing you well.
by: Anonymous

You have my sympathies. I have a hard time also with people that can be so indifferent. But on the flip side, were they ever capable of feeling the passion you have experienced? Because if they did, they would understand. I believe these people are usually in love with themselves only. Too bad they don't have big C's on their heads for Cheaters, so you could identify them ahead of time. Wishing you happiness.

Nov 08, 2009
I know what you are going through
by: Anonymous

Not sure how old your post is, but I just found this site. I went through a similar discovery also in 2006 (Dec). I accidentally found out that my BF of 4 years at the time had been cheating on me for all 4 years. When I confronted him he begged me not to leave him, said that he would stop running around, told me he loved me. And I fell for it and i kept hoping for the happy ending, for 3 years. But I never trusted him again. The past year has been torture, I have been so angry and grumpy. I finally realized it wasn't worth it. Life is too short to wake up with regrets. Although sometimes I regret leaving him now, I KNOW I will be better off no matter what happens in my life.

Sep 21, 2009
= (
by: Anonymous

Your entry made me cry. Reading that the pain you feel is too big and intense resonated with me. I'm so sorry. It is hard seeing people who have caused you so much pain act like nothing and easily move on. While you are still suffering after such a long time has passed. Just know that I know your story and I'm praying for you. I'm so sorry.

May 15, 2009
I Understand
by: Anonymous

In 1981 I had two little boys and a husband who worked for the phone company. I didn't work at an outside job but stayed home to raise the kids. My husband was a telephone repairman and would go inside the house to fix the phone problems. I had no idea that women would throw themselves at my husband or walk into the room naked just to get a rise out him. Of course, this was great for his ego but he got weak and you know the rest of the story. One night we started talking about being faithful and he told me what his situation had been. He swore he was not unfaithful and that he was thinking of me the whole time. I must have had a big "S" for stupid on my forehead. Well, I let things rock on for a year, but once that trust is broken, it's hard to get back. And, the woman even called me to tell me how sorry she was. Long story short, we divorced in April of 1982. Eight months later I met a wonderful man who made me feel worthy to love and be loved. He helped me raise my 2 boys. He came from a broken home so he insisted that we keep things congenial with my ex for the boys sake. Now, 25 years later we are all good friends and the boys feel like they have 2 sets of parents. My big realization was that I had to learn to love myself before I could accept that someone else could love me. My faith in a higher power pulled me through many lonely nights and the awareness that depression can keep you from progressing to a higher level. Accept help from your doctor and friends. I wish you the best....

May 13, 2009
leave him
by: Anonymous

If you are so unhappy, then leave him. No need to stay unhappy for the rest of your life. Good luck.

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