To my husband, Hugo, whom I miss too much to bear

by Lisa
(USA)

My husband was mine for 43 years, and we knew each other for 46 years. He passed away 10 days before our 44th wedding anniversary. In the beginning, I went through the stages of the funeral, burial, and then the difficult tasks of paperwork, etc., which is all a fog to me.

He was brave when he was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer-stage 4, already in his liver, etc., and he was brave during his treatments (to no avail); and when he took his last breath in my arms, only after I told him I'd be OK (a big lie), and to go to God, the light and to my parents waiting for him. From his diagnosis (without any signs or warnings)to his death, he worried about me, leaving me, leaving our home, and how I'd carry on. He knew me well: I am not carrying on at all; I say I try, but in fact, I find it very difficult to go on without him. He is not here; I hope he is out of pain and misery, but to be separated from him after living most of of my life with him is something I cannot put into words. The words pain, sorrow, despair, desperation, loneliness, don't come close to my emotions. Even anger creeps in.

He worked his entire life; it was our turn to change things--downsize from our big home and the cold winters here, and try to live healthy, until at least 80 years old. No, he died at 64, and he kept himself a young-looking 64, energetic, working at his job, around the house that he loved so much. Gone, just like that. No retirement, nothing.

I sometimes have feelings that he is sad he had to leave here, that he misses here, but people of "faith so strong" tell me he is happy in Heaven with God, and doesn't care about here any more. That part of his life is gone, and I find it difficult to understand or to believe.

Many, not just I, have these feelings, many cry like I do, and many women (I've read so many blogs about grief, etc.) wish the same things I do--to not wake up and to be with their deceased spouses.

God will never forgive this, will he? God sees and feels my pain, and maybe he will understand my weakness and forgive me. I don't know how to go on without my husband.
I just don't. I love, miss him so much.

Lisa

Comments for To my husband, Hugo, whom I miss too much to bear

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Mar 26, 2015
Comfort to Lisa from another widow
by: Anonymous

Oh, Lisa, your husband cares very much about you! He still loves you, even more than he did here on earth! He awaits your coming to Heaven so that you can be together again, forever! No real Christian should tell you otherwise. I too miss my husband so very much that it hurts terribly at times. I don't know what to do but pray for God to comfort me some way. He evidently wants me here a while longer and I will do whatever He wants because He brought my husband and me together and I am so grateful for that. Besides which He is my God and I love Him and worship Him. I will pray for you, too, Lisa. I'm trying to stay busy but haven't found anything very interesting yet.

Feb 17, 2015
I truly understand!
by: Marilyn Casella Gomes

Everyday is a challenge for those of us who have losted our spouses. Thank you for sharing. I know it just doesnt make sense. I go from udnerstanding God's plan and then for feeling very upset that our life had to change so drastically wherein I am alone in the house without him there. I sob alot but go on. I took him for granted as we all do. God relieves the ache so we must always pray for healing and he will heal but then it comes back in waves. Prayer for me is the answer for relief and the good news is you become closer to the creator of us all who only wants us to rely on him for salvation and eventual reunion with our loved ones. In the meantime we suffer on this earth but look at Jesus on the cross. Imagine his mother's grief!! Thank you for sharing.

Nov 26, 2014
Lost forever without my Hugo
by: Elisa (Lisa)

Dear everyone, it's been a while, but I still post sometimes on other pages on this site.

It has gotten worse since passing the 2 years plus mark, and also I have a lot of health issues mostly stomach/intestinal, and that makes it worse without him here to comfort me and go to the doctors, etc. with me.

Every day, I cry, feel sick, sad, lonely and scared. It hasn't gotten better for me, only worse. Sometimes I wish my life would just end.

I don't know how I get through each day, each panic attack, each pain, each crises, and mostly each pain in my heart. I'm still begging God to let him come home. Sounds crazy, but that's what I want.

I hope I don't live long. I have been angry and have taken out my anger doing stupid things like blaming other people for their happiness and being angry about that.

I hope God truly forgives everything because I must get to Him and to my husband when I die.

Love to all. The Thanksgiving holiday is tomorrow, and then Christmas. I dread it all.
They are plain days to me without my husband who made them so special and loved them.

Why did he die?

Love, Lisa

Jul 12, 2014
I miss Lisa
by: Anonymous

I typed," I miss Lisa ", and I got your site.
I am so, so sorry for what your going through.
I lost my Lisa in February, and I realize now,
that I'm not going to make it.
Time, Lisa, time...wait it out. You'll get thru
this, I have no doubt.
Smile,
Uncle John

Jun 18, 2013
To Hugo's wife...
by: Anonymous

Some days you may get extra sensitive and feel so hurt and maybe even mistakenly hurt someone along the way. Be kind to yourself, and pray that people will understand your grief. YOu sound like a kind person who loves others, and you deserve to have your husband still with you, but god took him home.

I hope your friends try to comfort and understand you and know that you care about them too.

Melanie

May 17, 2013
To "I miss my Husband"
by: Anonymous

Dear Anonymous-----I have just read your post of missing your husband and how lost you feel. I too have lost my husband 6 mons ago--he died suddenly and I was and still am in shock at times that he is not here with me. I am so lost and lonely also. I try to keep as busy as possible. I have taken on chores around our home that I never ever did before. I sometimes keep working until I am exhausted but my mind keeps racing on about how I miss my wonderful loving husband. It is a long hard road we are traveling on. It is difficult to think that I will be happy to some degree again; the way I feel now leads me to believe any joy will be fleeting and shallow. I hope I am wrong on this but my happiness was my dear husband. I hope for the best for all we who are grieving

May 15, 2013
To A Priest Told me, comment from March
by: Elisa (Lisa)

Dear "To A priest Told Me"

I read your comment on my memorial page to my husband, Hugo, and I thank you for it. I usually have been writing on "recover-from-grief.com" - the same web site, but different page. I look back at my pesonal page, and I wrote another one the other day, but it hasn't appeared yet.

The priest told you what I've read too. God knows from the time He gives life, when He will call each of us back. I can only pray I don't live long because I miss my husband too much.
I sometimes illogically think I can beg God to return him; I suppose all of us who have lost our husbands, wives, mothers, fathers, children, etc., ask God the same thing. It's not going to happen, but I get angry that I lost Hugo too soon, and after a shocking diagnosis with no signs to warn us. I do not know how I've gotten to almost 10 months separated from my best and only true friend. I hate my life without him.
It's an existance, that's all. No joy, no enthusiasm; I just do what I have to, and that's it. I am sad, depress, frustrated, angry, and very heartbroken to the point that I hope I die from a broken heart.

Thanks again for commenting on my page for Hugo.
I hope you will write again. I'm from NY. Perhaps you are far from here; most of the people I write to on the other web page of this site are from everywhere else.

Blessings, Love, Lisa

May 14, 2013
For my beloved Husband, Hugo. May 14, 2013
by: Elisa

Dearest Babe Hugo,
Is it possible to miss you more every second? YES> AND IT IS SO VERY LONELY WITHOUT YOU, YOUR SMILE, YOUR HUGS, KISSES, AND BEING ABLE TO JUST LOOK AT YOUR ASLEEP, UP, EATING, WORKING, ETC.
I WILL NEVER GET OVER YOUR PASSING, NEVER.
I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE YOU AGAIN. I LOVE YOU MORE THAN YOU MAY KNOW, BUT I HOPE YOU DO KNOW.

LOVE, YOUR WIFE, ELISA
P.S. THINGS WITH CERTAIN PEOPLE NEVER CHANGE.
YOU WERE RIGHT ABOUT THEM FROM THE GET-GO.

May 13, 2013
To Kathy, Lost without
by: Elisa (Lisa-Babe)

Dear Kathy,

I spend time going from all the recover-from-grief.com pages: this particular one, I set up--you can set one up too if you want to.

I understand your separation anxiety and sadness; I suffer as you do, day in and day out, and at night I can't wait to fall asleep, hoping to dream that he is telling me he's safe, OK, and I should try harder to live without all the drama, crying, and pain. I can't. July 29th is 10 months since he left, and it feels like yesterday to me. No one, but those of us who write on these sites understands our private agony, sorrow, feelings of loss and helplessness because we want them to be with us. I wish I could understand death and the afterlife better. I can only strengthen my waivering faith and believe I will be with him again.

I'm glad you wrote on this page. Somewhere, someday, all of us will meet up in Heaven, and because of this writing, we will know one another, I am positive of that.

Love, a woman who understands every feeling you have and will have, Elisa

May 12, 2013
lost without
by: Kathy

To my forever loving Husband Art: As I sit here today I realize over & over how much is gone from my world, Trust, love ,Tender moments & your special touch, In my life I was loved by you & in my heart their will never be a love like that again, It's going on 10 months & I still remember every moment of our life "31 wonderful years" One day we had a normal life & the next day our world changed so dramatic that it was hard to cope & carry on, The worse was when they gave you a life end date. I promised you I would do my best, some days are better than others. you are every where in our house & my office but most of all in my head & I wish I could feel you again or see you in my dreams as this would bring strength to my days ahead. I love to listen to our music as it brings me peace, I was blessed to be loved by the best & with that said I know god gave me a wonderful life, always in my heart & Miss you more than words can describe. My heart goes out to each one of you who shares this pain of loss, I pray for strength & courage to find some joy again & learn to accept this new life.

May 11, 2013
to my Babe, Hugo, my Husband
by: Elisa

May 11th, 2013

What I miss about you and us:

Everything, and anything that I see, hear, watch, observe, remember it all. The greatest smile in the world, the comfort and security you gave me.
And so much more.

I love you, I can't wait to see you again.

Love, your wife forever and beyond, Elisa

May 10, 2013
Dearest Babe, Hugo,
by: Elisa (Lisa)

I went to visit you at your resting place, and the feeling in my entire body, especially my heart is so palpable, and I think you felt my sorrow, loneliness and pain as I walked alone in the cemetery this morning, first to you, then to Mom & Dad, then to Aunt Mary. Babe, "All By Myself" kept ringing in my ears, as I cried, felt so alone in this world, really, I am alone, I've only myself to count on, and not you any more.
I know you watch over me, but I can't feel your touch, embrace, kiss, and your comforting hugs.
And your smile, especially when you were happy to tell me any good news. The pain is not covered by any word that I know of from the English language. I miss you so immensely that I think I can die from a broken heart. I try to carry on, but I just exist without you by my side. I love you more than ever, and I long to see you again.
I hope your arms will embrace me as soon as I cross the same path that you crossed when you left me here that night last July.

Forever, your wife, Elisa (Kisses, and I hope you will enter my dreams tonight)

May 09, 2013
To my husband whom this web page was started
by: Lisa

Dearest Babe,
I started this even tough I write on other pages. I would never have believed this last year at this time when you were still with me that I would be posting on these recover-from-grief.com web sites.

You see my heart and you feel my pain since I lost you to that horrible cancer. You are in Heaven, out of pain, and watching over me. I don't dream about you, though I ask you to visit me each night in a dream, or something, anything.

This separation is exactly described in the title of my page for you, "to my huband, Hugo, whom I miss to much to bear." If it's true, with faith, I try to believe it is: you know it all, every second of what I am going through since you left this world for Heaven.

Darling,Babe, I miss you and will forever until I see you again. Love you with all my heart, soul, being, forever and ever. Your wife forever, and can't take this living without you here.
Lisa (Babe)

May 05, 2013
I wait for that day I die when I will "belong" again
by: No one understands grief after you lose the one you love

Dear everyone who has lost a husband and / or a wife,

We grieve, each differently, but the same pain, the same loneliness, the same loss of being, the same emptiness are all the things we have in common.

All of us seem to follow the same pattern in this upset world we find ourselves in now: on each recover-from-grief.com page we may post on, we all are lost without our spouses and other loved ones who have passed from this "world" to their new "dimension." HEAVEN IS WHERE I BELIEVE OUR GOOD LOVED ONES ARE, WAITING FOR US.

yES, I wish my husband were back here; I ask God every day to grant that wish/prayer; but logically I believe I know I am going or stretching my thinking too far. God took him home; there he must stay, I guess. Who really knows; it is faith that brings us to any conclusions we may have about the afterlife.

I miss my husband so much that it is the most frustrating feeling not to be able to will him back.

Why? That is a question I ask every day--I have a why about why did he get that cancer? Why did he die at age 64? Why can't I go too? Why am I not sure or why don't I have enough, strong faith?
Why, God? Please help me. I feel like a lost child who will never be found--I have no parents, and the sisters and brother I have and their kids have strayed from me. Why? I do not know.

I never thought when I was 5 years old surrounded by 2 loving parents, aunts, uncles, cousins, friends, and then my wonderful husband, that I'd find myself here, alone, just me.

Sometimes, I wish for a natural death to happen to me because a forced one, I will not do, but I've thought about it in my darkest moments.
I only hope that when the time comes, God's hands are outstretched to take me to my husband and everyone I love and miss so much. I am waiting to belong, yes, belong, again to a big, loving family, with hugs, smiles, kisses to greet me.

Apr 28, 2013
So much pain, tears
by: Anonymous

I don't know how we go on because it seems to me that we all are missing extraordinary husbands who cared, were kind, and did a lot of things to make us proud.

Do you feel separated from the world? I do. Some friends I am seeing now are fake. They don't call much like in the beginning, and they don't understand. If they should (heaven forbid) lose their husbands, maybe they will see how cold they were. It takes a minute to call a person--sometimes people call sick people more than they should--bothering them; but we who are grieving welcome the calls to the silence we go through the day and night.

Friends, are not really friends, unless they keep track of you. Same for relatives who say they will call, and days go by, no call. Well, I don't know about you, but I'm done with all of them. They thnk I need them; sometimes I do, but not to the extent of them using me, or pretending to care. One friend keeps bringing up she'l do this and that, and doesn't do it.

Grief is lasting; and for me, it will last until I die. As long as you love someone who has died, your grief lasts. I don't listen to "it will get easier." What's so damn easy about being you, alone, no more loving husband by your side?
Take that crap, I say to myself, and shove it.

Sorry, but I'm angry today, with my sadness, depression, etc.

Anynymous

Apr 25, 2013
To I Miss my Husband
by: Anonymous

What do we do now? How do we mend our hearts.
I don't know. I keep thinking some drastic change has to come for me to get out of this deep depression. The only thing to get me to stop crying and having so much mental pain and physical pain and anxiety is to have him come back--God won't do that, so I just pray I can continue this charade of going on when I don't want to.
Anonymous forever, and ever alone

Apr 23, 2013
To: Missing My Parents
by: Lisa

Dear "A"
I would first like to say, thank you reading my messages, nd for taking the time to write your long post to me. You have no idea how I understand everything you said, and I feel everything you feel. When my father died, I didn't want to live, but I did for my mom and husband. Then when she died, after 12 long years of succumbing to that dreadful dementia/Alzheimer's disease, I wanted to just join both of them. But, I could not hurt my husband that way. Then he got diagnosed and died. I lost 3 of my best, truest friends, really they were the best; I have family, but they do not compare to any of my three angels in Heaven.

Every day, I admit, I call out for him, I tell him I can't believe he is gone, and I miss every single thing about him and our lives together. No more calls, nothing; just loneliness.

I question my faith, I must strengthen it so that I can get to the point of there has to be an afterlife, and he is there and waiting for me.
I want to be with him, my parents and other loved ones. I wish he could come home, just walk through the kitchen door where I always waited for him each nigh for 44 years.

I don't want him to be gone and I am not accepting this separation; but my logic tells me I must but it's painful beyond any words to describe the feelings, the emotions, the thoughts that go through my heart and head each second, even now as I write to you. This separation is something I shall never get used to, never.

I pray there is a Heaven, and his hand will reach out for mine when my time comes. However, I know that we are to worship God and be thankful if we get to his Kingdom in Heaven, and then rejoice in the reunion of being with our loved ones.

The reason I want him here is that I feel he was robbed of our dreams we had. He didn't get to retire and our plans ended just like that. I feel sorry for him and I often wonder if he is feeling sad about that; I know he held on and didn't want to leave me. I don't want him to cry for me, but I hope he is watching over me and even watching me all the time.

Again, thank you, and write any time if you want to. I write on many different sites where I developed a friendship with 2 women, one all the way in Australia. We write every day to each other. We understand each other's pain, sorrow, troubles, and misery.

Take care; I'm sorry you lost your dear parents.
Mine were great people, and I'm sure yours were too.
Love, Lisa

Apr 23, 2013
To Lost Without...
by: Lizz (Lisa) who lost Hugo

It has been a while since I wrote to you on this blog, I may have written on the other one, "My sweet and kind husband died 3 weeks ago" on recover-from-grief.com. I find the only solace here on this and other message sites.

No friends, no occassions (which I usually decline) nothing will make me feel better. I don't care: I go into my bank sad, my grocery store sad, post office sad. I don't care if they think I am supposed to change my frowns to smiles.
No, I will not fake the fact that my heart is broken, and my head is swollen from grief, bad thoughts, sadness, depression, missing my husband, Hugo, who I still can't believe is dead.
I'm alone, scared too, and I hate my life without him. It wasn't supposed to be like this; we never thought this would happen, now I say to myself he was right when he kept insisting on down-sizing, and planning for old age--which never came. I hate pancreatic cancer, I hate it they don't know about it to diagnose it. I hate everything rotten in life to good people like all of us who write on these web pages. Did we ever think we would belong to this lousy "club" -- club of sadness and lost lives.

I pray for you and all the ladies (and men) who are grieving. I understand, but I can't help except to say I have to believe I will see him some day, but I STILL WOULD RATHER A MIRACLE HAPPEN AND HE WALK THROUGH THE DOOR LIKE HE USED TO.

Love, Liz (Elisa) (Lisa) and he called me "Babe."

Apr 23, 2013
You are not alone Lisa
by: Missing my parents

Dear Lisa, Although I am not a widower, I have lost the two people that are closest to my heart. Your words of grief and loss and longing and desperation spoke to me because I feel all of those same things. The begging for an outrageous miracle to return to what once was in my life And the fear of the possibility of no afterlife in which to see my parents again is unbelievably heartbreaking and unimaginable. My mom and dad were everything to me ...my best friends, My confidantes, My only family. I too, wonder where they are now that they are not here. I was never a religious person and would only now consider myself spiritual. It took a while for me to be able to feel them again around me.. I think the grief was too loud, but quite often now there are many things that are just too coincidental to be coincidence...things that they would've said to me or, Favorite numbers, things between us that reminded me of them.. After just talking to them or u can call it praying i guess and in moments when I really, really needed them. These things have given me faith, they have given me more spirituality. The pain most certainly never goes away, you just get more used to it. and sometimes still .. maybe even at least once a day I'm sucked into an enormous abyss of pain and sadness. but as time passes, there other times When I have to choose to not succumb just in order to continue to live with the mundane tasks of life. From all the signs i feel i have been given, I do think they are out there somewhere, although I'm not exactly sure where.. I do think they are watching over us but I think like a parent, they see our pain and sadness as something part of a bigger picture. Like when we were younger and we scraped our knees and we screamed in agony, but they knew it was just a scraped knee..it wasn't an amputation. does that make any sense? I think they wish that we didn't have to be sad but because they know what's in store for us, that it doesn't make them sad to watch over us. One day when the sadness has quieted down a bit, You too will get a sign from your beloved..something that you know in your heart to be from Hugo and maybe when that happens you will feel the way I feel like maybe everything, as much as we don't want it to be this way, is exactly the way it is supposed to be. And that they are with us, not the way we want, but with us still, and that helps a little.. To know they are not gone forever. I know that the emptiness and sadness is unbearable..but knowing that helps me a little, and I hope it will help you too. Thinking of you, A.

Apr 22, 2013
To: Anonymous (Lost Without...)
by: Lisa

Thanks for your comments and helpful ideas.
I do talk to him and to God. There are days and nights I beg him and God to take me. I see no signs, but I do feel that he tries to keep me out of trouble (like to slow down driving, etc.)
I don't like to go out with anyone. I may have some people here, but I hate public place where everyone is happy, etc. I just dcan't do it with him gone. Life is so drastically different for me now that I can't cope.

I will continue to speak to him, but I will not look for happiness, my heart is too hurt. He would want me to be OK and happy, but he knows how I am, and I'm sure he does because he did not want to leave me, he repeated that over and over before he died.

Thanks. Lisa

Apr 20, 2013
from lost without
by: Anonymous

Hi Lisa, I truly know where you are in your phrase of emotions, I have learned to feel comfortable knowing that my husband is with me in this house. He is watching over me & he has given signs that he is truly here. I am so sorry for your pain, I will share something that worked for me when broken down, scared & lonely. I learned to talk to Art everyday & cry & tell him how I was feeling, I asked him to show me a sign or Help direct. I am hitting 9 months of the loss of a wonderful husband & friend & a day doesn't go by that I do not talk to him & god. I am feeling stronger & thinking on a different level, I am keeping the fun memories alive & spending time with the friends we always had & making new ones to move me forward. In time you will get stronger but for now allow your emotions to flow freely & talk about your husband as much as you want. thinking of you.

Apr 18, 2013
To everyone who still reads this post:
by: Lisa

Dear everyone,

It's Lisa, and I'm still lost more than ever. I am scared, for I am alone in this house. I have a great alarm system, cameras, etc., that's not it. I am scared because my husband isn't here when I feel sick (most of the time), or if I hear a noise in the night, etc.

I am afraid of dying alone; yet, I want to die if that's the only way to be with him and my parents again. I want him to come back and resume our lives the way they were; but that will not happen.

No children makes this more difficult.

My heart is way too broken to ever mend.
I wait for him to come home, every night, really, I do.

Take care. Hope someone is still reading this.
Lisa

Apr 17, 2013
To: Lost Without...
by: Lisa

Dear "Lost Without"

I just recently came back to my page here, "To my husband, Hugo, whom I miss too much to bear" and I added a part 2. Then I scrolled down and saw your comment from March.

You lost your dear husband in July 2012 also; the two of us in that month and beyond suffering now with no end in sight (for me) and I am thinking you feel the same way.

I exist, that's it. My heart is torn out; I am physically sick when I get up from the few hours I sleep, remembering he is gone. FOREVER. I miss so many things about him and our lives that I can't stand it. I write to him, and I keep my letters to him in a journal I keep with the eulogy I wrote for him which I somehow managed to read at his wake.

Where are they? I am trying to believe what I believe--waiting for us in Heaven with God. And, I hope and pray they are around us always, watching us. However, I keep hearing they don't because in Heaven there are no tears, and if they see how much pain we are in, they will cry. So, I don't know. I know I carry him in my heart always. I have his photo on my homepage on my computer.

Life will never be the same for us. It seems to me all who write here had great husbands.
Maybe if we didn't, we'd not be writing about them.

Take care. Thanks for your comments. Lisa

Apr 17, 2013
To my husband, Hugo, whom I miss too much to bear..post #2
by: Lisa (USA)

My dearest husband, Hugo, who left me and this world too soon. You had a lot of plans, dreams to fulfill, and for that I am sad that you didn't get to do what you wanted to: most of all you loved taking care of me and our house. I miss you so much; I am trying to do some things that I watched you do, but I'm no match for your perfectionist ways in everything you did in life.
I was proud of you for that, and proud to be married to you for almost 44 years when you passed away. We met as teens; where did all the years go? Life. I am trying to have faith strong enough to believe you are around me; I know for sure, and you have to know this: you are in my heart every second of every day and night, even if and when I sleep. There is such an emptiness in this house, everywhere I go, it's empty without your vibrant presence, sweet smile and loving assurance. How I am getting by, I don't know--existing, that's it. A tragic change that's unbearable and difficult to describe.

I will love you forever, and I hope we will be reunited sooner than later. Life here is horrible, and I wish you could miraculously return, knock on the door, and I would just hug and kiss you forever. I hope you have no more suffering or pain from that lousy pancreatic cancer that took you from our life together.
Darling, angel Babe, Hugo--please somehow let me know that you have seen every second since you left and know how much I miss, love, and long for you. Love, your wife for eternity, Elisa (Lisa)

Apr 16, 2013
To: My Faith In God by Anonymous
by: Anonymous

I'm sorry for your loss and pain, and I admire your faith and beliefs are respected.

However, I believe that our loved ones do know how much we grieve and miss them; they don't necessarily cry in Heaven, but they know, watch over us, see us. That's my belief. Maybe it comforts me. This is not meant to be a debate with you because I respect what you believe in.

Anonymous

Apr 15, 2013
My Faith In God
by: Anonymous

My Faith in God tells me that when we die and reach heaven we will be there to worship Jesus Christ, Our Lord and savior. My husband died 5 months ago of a SAC (sudden cardiac arrest)A total shock to me and my children. To answer a question asked about what our loved ones know and see in heaven--there is no sorrow or pain or tears in heaven; all is happiness and joy; therefore our loved ones do not see us crying and grieving. Their life is without sorrow or pain. We must strive to live a life that God calls us to live in order to join and see our loved ones again. I am in total raw and brutal grief for my beloved husband but I have the assurance that I will one day join him in heaven and all will be happiness for us both.

Apr 14, 2013
To Kate, Katy, Beth, etc.
by: Lisa

I just read your kind comments about the loss of my husband, Hugo. I usually write on the recover-from-grief.com blog "My sweet and kind husband died 3 weeks ago," and the one recover-from-grief.com "Loss of my spouse & soul mate."

I forgot about this page I made.

Thank all of you for being so kind to address my pain, and tell me your stories. It seems our husbands were close in age - 63 or 64 (mine) when they passed.

I wonder this: 1. Are they in heaven together with my mom & dad, etc.? 2. Do they see us, know how much we cry and miss them? 3. Do they miss us and their homes, and everything else they had when they were alive?

So many questions about death, afterlife, torment me--I must get stronger in my faith. I hope my husband and your husbands are watching over us; know we love and miss them and remember us always.

Love, Lisa (sometimes I sign Lee, or Liz on the other blogs.

Forever praying for you, your husbands and mine and that we will meet in Heaven.

Mar 11, 2013
sadness
by: Anonymous

I lost my beloved daddy 8 weeks ago. I miss him more now than at the start. He was 75. I am an adult married with my own child but I feel like a child again and am obsessed with my childhood. I cant believe he has gone. Its like hes been on a holiday but now its time for him to come home. This time he isnt coming. I just feel overwhelming sadness. But I am thankful for this for it is evidence thati had a loving caring daddy and that makes me lucky. So I just accept that life is different now and I am going to move on with positive happy memories. Those of us who loved and were loved enough to make us feel such intense sadness are in effect the lucky ones. Remember that. I wouldnt have wanted it any other way.

Mar 10, 2013
A Priest Told Me...
by: Beth

My deepest sympathy for you and your family. I once broke down in front of our priest, almost inconsolable, when my husband first passed. I know he was speaking to me, trying to comfort me. I didn't hear much, but one thing he told me really stood out. He said that God knows what our lives would be like even before we lived them. He chose the exact moment to take my husband away. The reason is unknown to us, but know that God felt it was time. Pray to God for the answers you seek. Listen to Him. Listen out for Him (if that makes sense). Never give up faith that He will deliver you through the hard times and lift you through the worst of times. I sincerely pray you get through the grief enough to enjoy this life God has given us. Enjoy life as your husband would have wanted you to. One day at a time and have patience with yourself. There is no deadline with grief. It will always be there, but once you are done crying, think about the good times and the great times. May God continue to bless you! May He give you the strength to get through the difficult times in your life and courage to continue to face life with the love and spirit of your husband.

Mar 08, 2013
The unbearable
by: Kate

I felt like an empty shell when my husband of 23 years died.he was my everything. I stayed lost for a long time and after many years learned to live the life of this world without him. The depth of my pain healed but missing him no. Take one day at a time ,all emotions you feel are normal. It is a huge loss. Now our 39 yr old son died just 3 months ago. I am in darkness of a new kind. Somehow we do go on, changed but here. Love to you.

Feb 26, 2013
Oh God, so sorry for your loss
by: Katy

Sorry, to hear of your loss of your husband Hugo,
We too, my husband and I
were married 43 years,I lost my husband Oct 4, 2012, I knew him, loved him since High School,very good father, wonderful husband you name it. everyone seemed to have high praise for him
hard worker,
I miss our life together, i cry every day sometimes all day long,had to do the memorial, the darn, take forever
pension paper work, God I am still at aloss, I need to sell the house, find a house to move to, that will accept a
dog, the dog is depressed as well, he still lays by the front door, when he hears a truck , out on the street in front of us, he jumps up, thinking it's his master coming home, This hurts so much I don't know what to do, I am so lonesome, I miss,him so much, I am in pain,
He just died suddenly, while
at work, actully just got off work was on his way home fell over on the sidewalk and died, the sheriffs came to tell me my husnband whad died.
he was 63 and planned on retireing this past December.

Feb 24, 2013
I feel the same
by: Lost without

Hi Lisa,
As i am reading your comment I feel your pain. I lost my husband & best friend of 31 years in July 2012 & as I feel like I am getting strong I tumble, I feel I will never be able to move on as tears are so consistent. I miss my life that we had & I miss everythng about him. He was also a hard worker who was looking forward to our retirement years together. He was 63 & I am 54. I have a beautiful home & a Great job with many wonderful friends & family, But without my Husband all that just gives me a break here & thier but it doesn't take the pain away. I feel this deep hole in my heart, I don't want to burden any one. I feel good posting my comment to you & hope to hear that we can keep in touch. Thank-you Lost without

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